A Confession...

I have a confession to make.  I love shopping.  Absolutely love it.  And if it is for shoes or purses...all the better.  My daughter and I have no problem taking a day to hit whatever store we can.  But the one thing I like more then the actual shopping part, happens at the register.  I love seeing the total.  Then seeing how much we were able to save by using coupons, sales, and etc..  Shelby and I even frequent yard sales, second hand shops, Goodwill, etc..  We have found many bargains doing this.  In fact, I think most of my wardrobe consist of things bought this way.  However, there are a few rules we have come to know and shop by.  First rule is if it isn't going to get wore or used, then it is a waste of money even if it was on sale.  Second rule, try everything on unless you are %100 sure it will fit.  Don't want to get it home and find out that you just gave your hard earned money for something you can't wear and can't return.  Third rule, check the care instructions and for any rips, stains, or what not.  If it is going to cost you for dry cleaning or fall a part in the wash...again, waste of money.  There are some exceptions to this.  It just depends on your own ability to sew, stain remove, etc..  Last week we went shopping at our local second hand shop.  Found the cutest Croft & Barrows sweater ($60 NWT) for $3.00.  I did happen to notice that there was a small stain in the right arm.  The sweater just looked like it had been sitting in a closet for a while.  So I decided for $3.00, I'd take a chance.  The stain wouldn't have been noticeable anyway.  So, I brought it home and used some of my homemade spot remover on it.  Washed it and hung it to dry.  No stain!  It looks brand new and I can't wait to wear it.  The point is that it is possible to have a great wardrobe, dress the family, or afford nice gifts without breaking the bank.  It just takes a little research, self control, and knowledge.  I keep an app on my iPhone called Retail Me Not.  It has saved me so much money.

A few other tips...do not use your store credit card unless you are going to pay that bill right away.  Many stores will offer a certain amount off for using them.  Ask yourself a couple questions first.  What will I be paying in interest?  Will I have it paid off before the interest catches up?  Also, make sure you take your time.  You need time to try it on, look it over, read the coupons/sales details, and time to pay attention as things are ringing up.  Check out online deals before you head to the store.  Sometimes the discounts are better or there is a coupon available.  I have found Fisher Price toy coupons on coupon.com, searched the Walmart add, and been able to not only get the toy on sale, but save an extra $5 or more.  I have, also, been known to check online, go to the store to try on the right size, and then come home and order it.  If you order through sites like Ebates, they will send you a rebate check once a month for the amount you saved just by using their site.  So, not only do you save with the store online promotion, but you get a percentage back of what you spend from Ebates.  Ching!!!  Obviously, there are always going to be those who don't mind paying more for what they want.  That's fine and it is their business.  Yes, my kids wear name brand stuff and nice stuff.  I just much prefer that money in my pocket then someone else's.  I hope that this is helpful with the holidays around the corner.  Other tips to come.   

Journal Check In...

So how are we coming on our "All About Me Journals".  Now remember to just journal your daily activities for the first few days (actually, I think a full week is the best).  Don't forget the good stuff too.  Special time with loved ones.  All of that. If you miss a day (I missed today), don't fret.  Just pick it up tomorrow.  This is not suppose to cause us more stress.  It is to help us figure out what we need to change in order to get us back to that positive, healthy place we want to be.  Whether it is home, work, health, or just plain making you feel better about yourself.  This is a process of baby steps.  When I say baby steps...I don't mean 20 emails a day  of reminders or any if that.  I've done those websites.  They caused me to freak out and made me feel like a failure.  Truly not what one needs when they already feel so down and life is already so disorganized and hectic.  I mean a slow, gradual process.  So, keep journaling, my friends.  Remember, no changes.  Just your everyday life, just how it happens.  We will get to our "Happy Place" together.  Any further post on this series will be under the "All About Me" at the top of the page.  This will help to keep it all together and cause less confusion.  Much love and Many blessings!!! 

All About You Series

There is nothing like a 20 year class reunion to make you sit and reflect on your life.  This past weekend proved that, and then some, for me.  I sat and looked through old photos and reminisced.  No one ever knows, for sure, where they are going to be 20 years in the future.  If we did, I promise you my life would be much different, right now.  I never planned for the challenges that life has presented me.  However, I can't help but think that it has made me who I am today.  Chronic illness not only takes its toll on your body, but your mind as well.  There comes a point where you are sick of being sick.  Then, there comes the moment you are just plain sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I know it sounds redundant, but it is what happens.  The way I see it, you have a few choices.  First, you can keep going through this cycle.  Doing the same thing, day in and day out.  No habits to break or changes to your lifestyle to worry about.  The second choice is to surrender to it.  Basically, just giving in.  You just sit and let the illness run its course.  Whatever happens...happens.  The third is to decide that you are not ready to let the illness take you and your life over.  It is the most difficult choice.  It requires more then positive affirmation and making alternative lifestyle choices.  It involves determination and energy.  Neither, of which you have when you have been ill for any length of time.  After much thought, prayer, conversations with my husband and doctors, and research...this is the choice I have decided to make.  As I stated, it will not be easy.  However, I can not feel content with any other decision. 

So, there is a plan in the works.  A plan to not only help my body get healthier, but my mind, as well.  Some of the steps might seem small and silly to some.  However, if you have ever hit rock bottom, you know that even the smallest things can have a huge impact.  Something as little as getting dressed in the morning can be very difficult.  There are days I can hardly find the physical strength and mental will power to do this.  Then I look at all the wonderful blessings I have been given and know that I have to.  I want more from life then that.  What if it doesn't work you ask?  Well, then I know that I tried everything I could.  I can live with that, better then if I just gave up.  My biggest enemies are going to be patience and self motivation.  I know this, and am working on ways to get me through.  I will try to share them, as I go.  When you stop to think about it...we all have our struggles.  Being a woman is hard.  The demands we face on a day to day basis are exhausting and stressful.  Whether it is with our weight, depression, smoking, stressed, or whatever.  We all need to try and find ways to take care of our physical self, and our mental well-being.  So feel free to take the tips you need, participate in the challenges presented, or whatever you need.  The important thing to remember (this is the hardest for me), is that we will have bad days.  It's not that you had the bad day that counts.  It is how you got through it, and what are you going to do to make tomorrow better.

So the first challenge I presented myself was to take few days and just journal my daily activity.  I kept track of my diet, medications, sleep, symptoms, weight, and any extra activities.  The easiest way to do this is to keep a small notebook in your purse.  If you are like me, your purse goes where you go.  Now, it is important not to make any changes during this few days.  You want to see what your everyday life is like, so that you can look back and see what your day to day routine involves.  I know it is hard to remember to always write it down, just do the best you can.  Remember, this is not about achieving perfection.  It is going to be about different things for different people.  For some it might be weight loss, financials, or just plain boosting self esteem.  It doesn't matter, whatever the cause, it's all about you and helping you feel better about yourself.  Good Luck!!!                

Learning As We Go...

There comes a time in every moms life when we question ourselves.  We question ourselves as mothers, wives, daughters, sisters, and as a friend.  Am I doing this right?  Do I spend enough time with them?  Do they all feel love and protected?  No matter what we do there always seem to be criticism.  To top it all of, that criticism fuels the questions already roaming in our heads.  It's hard being a mom.  They say it is one of the hardest jobs in the world.  The worse part is you don't get a do over if you mess up.  There is no rewind button.  We can only learn from our mistakes and hope that the next step is a better experience.  When the criticisms come from our own children, it makes the sting burn even more.  There is so much riding on whether we make the right choices for our children.  Talk about pressure!  From choosing when to start potty training to when they can start dating.  It all shapes and molds who they become as people.  There is something else that this process has taught me.  Sure it took 18 years to figure it out, but I finally figured it out.  There is no perfect way and what works for one family doesn't always work for another.  You can pick all the right schools, feed them nothing but healthy meals, be a stay at home mom, or a working mom.  It doesn't matter.  Things are not going to be perfect all the time.  It's human nature.  You can blame the difference in personalities.  And if you have more then one child, you are dealing with more then one personality.  My husband and I have always tried to take the kids personality characteristics into account with everything.  However, that has seemed to back fire on us a time or two.  I have read books, visited blogs, and all the things they suggest a parent should do in order to be an "affective" parent.  I hate to admit it, but it was all time wasted.  In the long run, my husband and I have come to the conclusion that we are still (yes, 18 years later) learning as we go.  It doesn't matter that one child has already left the nest, because the two to follow are completely different people.  We are not perfect, and neither are they.  The biggest challenge is in getting them to figure this all out.  They do not understand that they are not the only ones growing through the process.  We are too.  Parenting not only shapes children, it shapes us as well.  Just because we are the parents, doesn't mean we have all the right answers.  Of course, we aren't going to admit that to them.

No, I'm not a perfect mom.  My husband is not a perfect dad.  My children will make mistakes.  In the end, I can only pray that they make the right choices for themselves, or learn from the wrong ones.  I pray daily that my husband and I make the right choices in raising our children.  It makes us feel better knowing that the lord has their backs.  Hopefully, he has ours as well.  We have learned to pick our battles with each of them.  In the end, we are very proud of each of them and feel extremely blessed to have them.  You just have to be willing to accept that there will always be a critic, things will not always be perfect, and you can't be their best friends and their parents.  Pray often, stay involved, and always be willing to listen.  Sometimes, they just need a little reassurance from us that they are on the right road.  The greatest thing is that when they make those right choices, it is God's way of letting us know that we are also traveling the right road.  The most important thing is that they know they are loved and can count on you when they need you.  No body knows your children like you do (yes, there will be those who think they do).  I know that none of this is a great and rare discovery.  Just a thought, if you need it, for the day.  Much love and many blessings!!!!        

Changing Seasons...

I love fall.  I love the colors, the crisp fall air, the comfort that comes with spending time and sharing good food with friends and family, Yes, even football.  This year fall looks a bit different for this family.  We were used to the view of a country setting with miles of changing trees, dirt roads, and wildlife in our back yard.  We are finding that moving into this new house as brought a new picture of fall to us.  We still have changing trees.  However, not as many.  The closest thing to wildlife we have found here are the chipmunks that come up on the front porch and antagonize our poor little shih Tzu (Phoebe).  We traded the dusty dirt road for a nice paved blacktop.  Although we miss the serenity and scenery, we have come to appreciate these newer experiences.  For one thing, there is less mud and dirt being dragged into the house.  I can not tell you how much work this has saved us.  Another thing that we have found is that we absolutely love our new neighborhood.  It is so nice to be around people.  We have all ages in this neighborhood.  I look out and watch some of the younger children playing in the neighborhood and it brings back memories of our own children when they were younger.  Then I look the other direction and see older neighbors and it is like looking into the future 20 years from now.  I guess you could say that everything we have been through in the last 3 years with being ill, moving, and having one of our sons move from home has awakened my thought process. 

It is funny.  When you are young and first starting out, you and your spouse have plans and ideas of what you imagine your life to be like.  Then 15 to 20 years later, you find yourself reflecting and thinking that things turned out so differently then you planned.  Paul and I are learning that isn't such a bad thing.  If things had worked out the way we had planned them in the beginning, I think we would be rather unhappy people today.  Oh sure, there were hard times.  However, we have always operated on the belief that God has a plan for our family and He has always taken care of us.  I have to believe that we are where He wants us to be.  Not sure on the reason, yet.  But I am sure it is for a good purpose.  One thing is for certain, there are more changes going on here then just the seasons.  This family has learned to embrace change.  It's much easier then fighting it.  Turns out it is way more rewarding in the end, too.  For years we were determined to put a house on our own property.  When that didn't work out, we decided to take a different path.  Looking back, it worked out the way it was suppose to.  Like I always say, "God's plan, on God's time, for God's purpose."  

A Blog Makeover

Well, it has been one year that I have been blogging.  It has been so rewarding, therapeutic, and quite the learning experience.  I have decided to get this particular blog back up and running regularly.  I have many new ideas and am very excited for what lies in store.  Over the course of the next few weeks, you will find new pages, content, and pictures posted at least once a week.  Some of you have asked for tips about homemade cleaning products,  exercise and diet, household tips, recipes, and so much more.  I am working on all these.  I hope that you all will find everything very helpful and encouraging.  Let's face it...being a woman is hard and very demanding.  I hope that you will not only find many helpful hints, but a little humor and inspiration as you read.  As I stated, this will be over the course of a few weeks.  I am still going to keep Dustin's Journey running regularly as well.  Yes, I must be insane.  However, I love that so many seem to find something they can relate to.  I also think that life is way to complicated.  Let's face it, who has time to fix seven course meals, run kids, clean house, and go to work everyday.  I probably could , if I didn't ever need to shower, sleep , and to be pleasant.  It is my hope to help you simplify life a bit, or at least, find some enjoyment in it.  So grab a cup of coffee and enjoy.  I will not be deleting any of my old posts.  I find that I still get asked for recipes and what not.  It's just easier to keep it here to refer back to.  Also, feel free to post questions, send messages, and share your own tips.  I am always open to new ideas and positive feedback.  I hope that you will share this blog with your friends and family.  As soon as I can, I will be accompanying the blog with an updated Facebook page.  So, check back often.  Thank you all for your support and your loyalty.  I appreciate and absolutely adore my readers (for both blogs).  I am amazed at the response by all of you.  Have a wonderful day!  Let the adventure begin.  Much love and many blessings!

I'm Back!!

That's right!  This anything but perfect, to some annoying, mother of three is back.  I'd like to say better then ever.  However, given the recent month's activities, better then ever is quite the understatement.  You know that moment you look in the mirror and realize that your biggest fear as come to life.  The hard, "Hello, you ain't as young as you used to be" moment.  That's right!  I had one of those this morning.  Now, I have had them before.  But this mornings was different.  Different how, you ask?  Well, in that very moment I saw what my family was seeing.  Not only did I look tired, but I looked weak, stressed, and sick.  Now, granted I am not the healthiest woman in the world.  No big secret!  However, I have always tried to maintain a certain amount of dignity in my appearance.  Call it vein, call it, self centered, or just plain dumb.  I don't care.  I can not handle the pity look that people give me when they see me like that. Bot only does it make me look sick and weak, but it makes me feel that way, as well.  I have said it before, and I will say it again...I am not one to sit a wallow in self-pity.  And the one image I can not handle is the one of my own children seeing me like this.  So this work in progress is back.  And I do mean work in progress.  However, during this time of adjustment, the Lord has taught me many lessons.  One is that there is healing and love through prayer, family, and friends.  The other is that there is a plan.  We may not see it, but God has one for all of us.  I am still working on seeing the bigger picture, but I truly believe that part of His plan for me is to step outside of my comfort zone and help others.  The really funny thing is that in my attempt to do so, I found a part of myself I had lost for years.  My love of writing.  Now, mind you, I am no Nicholas Sparks.  Probably never will be.  However, I have always loved the power of written expression and the effect it has on people.  So, in my quest for finding a new normal for this fabulous family of mine, I hereby declare war on all things negative.  I will continue to posts new information, and all the things that make this blog as useful and inspirational to you as I can.  Although, far from Pulitzer winning material (unless you laundry stains, housework, and personal hygiene to be such), you are welcome to follow.  I can't promise all the information will be useful to everyone, but I do hope someone can find something to help them get through their day.  The one thing all of us moms have in common is that we are resourceful creatures.  We are good at making what we have work for us.  As I see it, there is nothing more important then finding ways to take care of our homes, our families, ourselves, and finding ways to pay it forward.  Not only that, but let's face it, this new Army mom has time to kill.  Some moms knit, this mom blogs.  Not conventional, I know.  But extremely affective in relieving my stress and very rewarding.  Who knew so much could come from stain removal and baking cookies!  Ha!  Much love and many blessings!!!

             

Keeping Busy

Well, I have decided that in order for me to deal with the recent events in our home, keeping busy seems to be a much better alternative to sitting and wallowing in my sorrows.  So, I have finally gotten my other blog started.  In the future, all up dates on Dustin will be primarily posted to "Dustin's Journey" (http://dustinsjourney.blogspot.com/).  It seemed much easier to keep friends and family up to date this way.  Honestly, there are just so many.  I felt I owed it to them and Dustin to have a designated site.  Let's face it, not all are interested in laundry stain removal, healthy recipes, or what my kids would refer to has "momma stuff".  Again, I thank you all and encourage you to visit the blog.  I will occasionally post references to this site, but it will not be as detailed.  You know?  Blogging started out just being a way for me to explore my passion for creative writing.  It really has become a blessing to me.  It helps me when I know that others can be helped, encouraged, or just plain entertained by what I post. 

Recently, I have experienced some down falls.  My health has been not so great.  Another infection and a lot of added stress.  I am not proud to say smoking has worked its way back into my life.  However, I have a plan for getting back on the wagon.  It involves keeping busy.  This should not be any problem with a new house to move into, thank you letters to write, two teenagers and a husband to keep up with, and work.  One thing I have learned is that it is an addiction that will always linger and is very easy to give in.  Have also learned that addiction is an illness.  I pray for strength and the day I can completely be free of it.  I also know the disappointment in peoples faces (especially my kids) is hard for me to deal with.  Have always tried to be a people pleaser.  It's a drawback I have to work on as well.  If there is one thing I have learned is that the power of prayer is my biggest defense.  So, I continue to pray for myself and other people dealing with this monkey on our backs.

These past couple of weeks have not only been quite the eye opener for me, but for the rest of my family, as well.  I have posted before about it being about God's plan.  Boy!  It is turning out to be a lot different then the plan Paul and I thought it would be.  Somehow, it has turned into more of an adventure.  It seems we never know what is going to happen next.  A great example is the new house we picked out.  Our original plan was to build a house on the 20 acres we own.  Then, due to the economy and housing market, we decided to buy a house.  We must have looked at so many.  Even placed offers on a couple that fell through.  I prayed to the Lord while looking at every house.  Just a simple prayer that if this house wasn't meant to be ours, then show us a sign.  After so many, we finally found one.  It is nothing like what we had originally planned to have.  But somehow, it is perfect.  So far the whole process has gone easier then we expected.  Just a few things to verify with the bank, a water test, and we should be set.  So, it turns out Dustin is not the only one starting a new chapter in his life.  It's so exciting.  At the same time, it seems to help with all the other emotions we are going through right now.

Last but not least, Paul and I have learned the power of community and the blessing of having so much love and support.  We would have never imagined the compassion from this small town that has come since Dustin's enlistment became public.  It has made us so proud of Beaverton and even prouder of the young man Dustin has become.  We had made the decision a long time ago that no matter what it took we were going to raise our family here.  Now we know why.  It really does take a village to raise a child.  We feel that this whole town has helped shaped who our children have become.  God has truly blessed us in more ways then we could have even imagined.  You could even say it has been overwhelming in some ways.  Deuteronomy 28:2 states, "All these blessings will come upon you, and overtake you, if you listen to the Lord your God's voice".  It is so easy for one to turn their back on or question God's presence during times of trial.  Yet it is important during these times to maintain that He will take care of us.  I have always told my husband and kids that He will take care of us.  After the events of this past month, I am truly convinced that this holds true.  The blessings just keep coming in so many different ways.  I could never repay all that people have done for us.  Besides saying thank you, I can only offer our love, prayer, and continued support to this wonderful town.  I am not sure when my next post will be to this blog due to the busy week ahead and my current health state.  Please be patient and know that I will be making it up after Dustin leaves and I feel better.  As I stated before, keeping busy is my goal.  Much love and many blessings.        

 

   

One Day At A Time

Well, as it gets closer, things around here get quieter.  In 12 days our Son will be off to Basic training for the U.S. Army.  He just graduated from high school last Sunday.  Reality is starting to hit.  Unbelievable!  It is hard to believe that he is already grown up.  When the kids were little, Paul and I were criticized by some for making our world revolve around our children.  We never went out, took them everywhere, went without sleep to make activities, and just made everything we did about them.  Today I realize I would never change how we did things for anything in the world.  While some parents sit back and think should have, would have, could have...Paul and I think of all the great memories we created as a family.  Those are the memories that will carry us through this time of worrying and waiting.  I have faith in Dustin and the lessons we have taught him about life in general.  However, as a mother I can not keep the instinct to worry.  If there is one thing in our life Paul and I have learned is that God has a plan, although it may not always be clear to us.  We have never questioned the Lords motives and influences over our family.  He has always held us in his hands, no matter what trials or triumphs we have encountered.  So again, we will trust in His path and accept it.  I know that Dustin will do the same. 

The following year holds many unknowns, changes, and decision making for this family.  Not only does  Dustin enter the world of being an adult, but our daughter is entering her Senior year of high school, and our youngest enters his freshman year.  Am I worried?  I would be lying if I said I wasn't.  But I have faith in them both, as I do with Dustin.  I know that they will make decisions that are wrong ones.  I can only hope that they will choose to learn from them like we taught.  Shelby is starting to look at options for college and making plans for her senior year.  An exciting time for any high school senior.  She has grown into such a beautiful young woman...inside and out.  I just pray that she sees in herself what others do.  Dylan turns 14 this Saturday and is so excited about being in high school.  The day he was born, I held him in my arms and knew that he would make people laugh everyday.  He was meant to spread happiness.  I just pray that he learns the self control he needs to use it in a positive light.

Saturday is Dustin's Open House/Going Away party.  But it is so much more than that.  It is a celebration of accomplishments for everyone, as well as the start of things to come.  My hope is that it is a day of laughter and love.  Tears will fall, but they will be tears of love and joy.  My comfort comes from the fact that although he wishes he had more time with friends and family, Dustin has no regrets about his decision.  We will take this journey has we have every one before...one day at a time.

Romans 8:28  We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose.

The Sound of Silence

It's here.  The annual camping weekend for Paul and the boys.  Every year they go the last weekend in April because it is the opening season of trout fishing.  Usually, I look so forward to it because it is the one weekend that Shelby and I get to spend the weekend together.  Well, this year the church had a special trip planned.  It's called Acquire the Fire, and she probably won't get another chance to ever go.  For those of you who are not familiar with ATF, it is a super energized event with many speakers, worship, and many of the top Christian Music artists.  I encouraged her to go.  It is a great opportunity for any teen.  Anyway, I was a little bummed about being by myself.  Then I started thinking of all the things I could get done.  I even started a list the length of my arm long.  Apparently, my body had other plans.  I woke up this morning and was so sore I could hardly get out of bed.  My arthritis has been flaring for the last two weeks, and I am still struggling physically.  So that put my list on hold.  I thought to myself, now what.  It is so beautiful and even if I can't be in the sun, I don't want to waste this precious time.  Then I started thinking about Dustin's graduation, Prom, moving, and Dustin leaving in June.  There was so much to be done.  Lord, how was I going to get it all done in time.  I suddenly felt overwhelmed, stressed, and anxious.  As He always does, my answer came has I was texting my daughter.  She said, "Mom, don't over do it."  I started thinking, and she was right.  I always overdo it.  The old me would have gone from the time everyone left to the time they all came back to get it all done.  Then I would have spent three days trying to recover.  Unfortunately, my body can not do that anymore.  I do not recover like I used to and usually end up sick and worse then I was before I got started.

I looked at my list to figure out the things that had to be done right away and the things that could wait.  I noticed that there were three things missing.  Prayer, time in the Word, and meditation.  In my quest to be productive, I seemed to have missed an even bigger and more important opportunity.  I seemed to have missed the thought that this was a perfect weekend to work on my relationship with God.  In all of my busy-ness, I almost missed the best opportunity to possibly hear some of the answers to the prayers I had been praying.  I immediately set my list to the side and started a new list.  The first three things on it were prayer, reading my Bible, and meditate.  After I finished my list, I looked at it and was overcome with a more peaceful and calm feeling.  I almost instantly opened up my Bible and decided that wherever it opened I would start reading.  The result:  Psalm 94:19 "When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul."  Okay, lesson received.  I had forgotten that God's love and loyalty will help me make sure everything falls in place and gets done.  My lapse in memory led to my anxiety.

I am sure that this weekend will lead to alot of "Aha" moments. Some good, some bad. But at least I took the time to slow down and receive His messages.  In such a fast paced world, we need to slow down and take time for our families, ourselves, and our Lord.  Sure you can get the latest Bible study app for your phone, or attend a weekly Bible study.  Those are fine and great tools for staying in touch with God.  Church on Sunday is also a wonderful time to gather and take time to praise God.  But what about the one on one, quality time with God.  Whether it is once a day or once a week, we need time to seek, praise, and listen.  You might be surprised at the results.  You might not get anything out of it.  One thing is for sure, you won't know if you don't try.  Much love and many blessings.        


               

Finding My Faith, Again!!!

It has been a very confusing, trying, and worrisome couple of months in our home.  My health has been anything but optimal.  We have been trying to decide what to do about a new house.  Plans have gotten underway to celebrate our oldest child's (Dustin) High School graduation.  As hard as it all was, we were managing fine.  Emotionally, physically, spiritually, and financially.  Things were good.  Then all of a sudden, as they say, "When it rains, it pours."  About two month's I started asking Dustin what his plans were for college, assuming of course, that he was planning on attending a local community college for a couple of years and then move on.  I mean, we hadn't really talked about anything else, not since his freshman year, anyway.  Literally a week later, he walked in the door after school, and said he was going to a Future Soldiers meeting the next day and was pretty sure he was going to join the Army.  For those of you that don't know, Dustin had brought this up his freshman year.  At that time we had managed to put the subject on the back burner.  He would only mention it in conversation once in a while.  Yet, never gave us a reason to take him serious.  A week later, he was enlisted and making decisions at 18 most 30 year olds don't need to make.  The fact that he joined the Army wasn't the thing that set me off.  It was that he is leaving June 3rd (two weeks after graduation).  Add that to what he picked for a MOS (occupation) and you have mom's nervous breakdown.  Dustin choose to be a Fire Support Specialist.  From the Go Army website he "leads, supervises, or serves in intelligence activities including target processing in FA cannon battalions, division artillery, artillery and maneuver brigade and Corps headquarters and Fire Support Elements."  Mom's definition, "sets up targets and decides where the cannons shoot".  Regardless, it is a great possibility that he will be on the front lines.  Not what every mother dreams of for their child as they are rocking them to sleep at age 2. 

For Paul and I, it was very important that we knew this is really what he wanted to do.  We have never preached to our children about becoming doctors or lawyers.  We only encouraged them to pick professions that made them happy, and to be the best they could at it.  I want my children to have the same feeling I have when they get out of work at the end of the day.  I love being a nurse and wouldn't change what I do for anything.  After many long talks and even more tears, we are very confident that this is what he is meant to do.  It is in his blood and, quite honestly, suites him very well.  He has promised me that he is happy with his choice and I have promised him that I will be the best darned Army mom on the planet.  In keeping with that promise, I also promised him that I would keep family and friends updated on him the best I could.  I will be starting a sister blog to this one named "Dustin's Journey".  It will help journal his experience, educate everyone, and keep everyone up to date.  I am hoping it will come in handy for other military parents.  Paul and I have been asked so many questions we don't even have answer to ourselves.  I am constantly looking things up and think it would be easier to just pass on what we learn as we learn it.  The end of the month is my goal, and I will post a link when it is up and running.

This with trying to find a new house, dealing with medical issues, and graduation itself was enough to try my sanity and faith.  Then Dustin lost a dear friend.  They grew up together.  I thought for sure I was going to lose it.  We had known this boy his whole life.  There was one point I was worried for my own sons future.  The only thing worse then going through the loss of a loved one yourself, is watching your child go through it.  My faith had dwindled to just about nothing.  I really didn't know how to make it better for him.  Then one day I found a Bible verse some where.  Can't even remember where.  It was Matthew 17:20 " He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."  I started praying.  I prayed everyday, sometimes two or three times a day.  A few days later, Dustin came home and said he was helping to raise money for his friends family.  As he took part in these activities, I could see healing through it.  Watching him move on, helped me move on.  I started seeing his enlistment in a different light.  I started seeing it as God's way of using Dustin for good, and not a way of taking Dustin away from me.  Even if he was thousands of miles away, I still have my son.  I see now all the good God can do through such a kind heart.  The Army is God's way of taking all that love, compassion, and giving in Dustin's heart and making sure many (not a few) lives are touched by it.  I am so proud of him, and proud to call myself an "Army Mom".  

I have been praying ever since.  This afternoon, I came across the same verse and read it again.  It had even more meaning and truth behind it.  That little seed of faith I had turned my heart and my son around.  It also strengthened my own relationship with God.  It is not a lesson I have taken lightly.  I can not say with certain that my faith will never be tested again.  But I can say before I get to the point I was, I need to turn to God.  Prayer, the Bible, and faith are my combat plan.  With these three things, I can place anything in God's hands.  And I have.  I have accepted my health for what it is.  and you know what?  A house doesn't make a home.  It is the people in it.  The right house will come along, whether we build or buy already existing.  It's about putting our own expectations, wants, and timeline aside for God to show us His.  God Bless and Many Blessings.        

A New Leaf...

Well, I have finally gotten to the point where I have time to work on this blog a little bit.  I know what you are thinking.  It's about time.  What can I say, just like all of you, I am a victim of only so many hours in a day.  Recently, I had been thinking about trying to be a little more aware of what we are cleaning with, eating, and using on and in our bodies.  It got me thinking when a few days ago, Shelby (my daughter) and I were cleaning house.  I used some Commercial cleaner to clean the bottom of my screen door.  Just as I finished our Shih Tzu decided she was going to try and lick the door.  We caught her in time, but it really made us nervous about using cleaners around her.  I went from thinking about that to what my kids are using and eating.  Well, needless to say, that very same day a friend of mine posted a recipe for homemade laundry soap.  So, I started researching different recipes and other cleaners.  What I found out that many of these are safer for everyone, and the ingredients many of us have in our homes.  What better time to start trying some of these recipes.  It is Spring and there is a lot of Spring cleaning to be done.

It opened my eyes a little bit to how many resources God provides for us, but because of time and convenience, we over look them.  This does not just apply to cleaning products, but food, health and beauty items, and so many other things.  Now, I wouldn't jump the gun and say, "We are going completely green in the Crowl house."  But I would say that I plan on introducing more natural and economical items and ways of doing things into this family slowly.  I figured, not only would we save a little money, but we might save the effects on our bodies and the environment.  I remember once hearing someone say if you look at an ingredient list and can not pronounce the ingredients, then don't use it.  I've also heard the shorter the list, the better.  Well, we will see.  Conversion is often easier said then done.  This is why I think a little at a time is best.  Not to mention, I am not willing to go through my cupboards and throw out everything.  To me, that's an even bigger waste of money (plus the cupboards would be bare).  I was almost out of laundry soap, friend posted a recipe for some, and I had the time on my hands.  Therefore, laundry was my starting point.  I have posted the recipes onto the Homemaking page.  Feel free to adjust what, how, and amount.  This is only an example of what I used.      

Out with the Old...

Hello friends!  I know I have been absent for the last little bit.  The end of 2012 proved to be quite challenging for my health and has kept me away.  I can't say that it has been an easy year.  What I can say is that I have learned so much about myself, my family, and my relationship with God.  At my lowest point, I can honestly say it would have been very easy to give up.  I questioned so many things.  My body, my doctors, my family, etc..  But through all the sickness and pain, came light.  I can't tell you the single moment that I came out of my cloudiness, but I can tell you who it was that brought me out.  It was my beautiful children.  I look at these three faces, and know that it is for them I fight so hard.  They are the reason that I can not let Addison's, Psoriatic arthritis, or COPD win.  That being said, I have also come to realize that the Lord has blessed me with a platform to inspire others like myself, and I had been neglecting it.  For those that missed me, I am truly sorry and missed you as well.  You have all been a great support to me.  For that I am not only blessed but love you all very much.  Yes, I am still struggling with my health, but I have found my fight again.  Yes, I am still smoke free, as is my husband.  The one New Years Resolution from 2012 I am proud to say I kept.  Enough with the past year...

This New Year holds so much promise for my family and I.  While I don't know how it is going to go, I do know that I intend to make the most of it.  So instead of making New Years Resolutions this year, I have decided to let God lead the journey.  I have to admit that, for me, this is scary.  I have always tried to maintain control.  My husband doesn't call me a control freak for nothing.  However, in my deepest prayers, thoughts, and time in Gods word I realized that I don't have it all under control.  Shocker, because I always thought I did.  I also realized that it caused my body more stress and worry that was just making me feel worse.  This in turn caused stress in my relationship with my husband, kids, and God.  Not proud of it, but proud to be able to recognize that I was wrong.  Again, I said it.  My husband would be so proud.

So my hope for my readers is that you can take 2013 and enjoy every minute of it.  Enjoy time with family, friends, and on your own.  Don't let control and worry consume you.  If the dishes don't get done right away...so be it.  They can be washed later, but you may only have this last moment to hug your loved ones and tell them what they mean to you.  So what if you have a loved one in your family who has made mistakes.  Maybe this is the year you extend forgiveness or a supportive hand.  You may not get another chance.  Last but not least...blood maybe thicker then water, but we all need water to survive.  As humans, we thrive on love and nurturing.  With out these two things, there is no sense of belonging or purpose.  Family is wonderful and there is nothing like their love and support to see you through trying times.  However, in some instances, family comes in the form of close friends.  So I am not just wishing you a Happy New Year, but a Happy 2013.  Many Blessings and much love!!!!!!!     

Food for thought:   Matt 6:33 “But seek first the Kingdom of God and His Righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” Matt 6:34 “Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”