A Prayer for the New Year
Lord, I pray that this year finds us all with good health and prosperity. May we live everyday to be a blessing to others and to serve your purpose for our lives. Lord, I pray that the weak find strength, the weary find rest, the sick find wellness, and that the lonely find comfort. You have blessed our lives so much. We thank you, Lord, for the many blessings you have bestowed upon us. May w...e remember, during this year, to treat everyday as if it is our last. May we never forget the misfortune of others and try to be a light in their darkness. Lord, I pray for your protection over our youth. May they be safe and make the choices that will honor you and may the adults in their lives serve as guidance and wisdom. I pray that every woman can find her voice. That she knows that she has purpose and is beautiful. That she is more then a wife, mother, etc.. That she is your child, Lord, never alone and full of strength and inspiration. That she offers so much to others. That in good times and bad times, she will seek your guidance and praise your name. In your awesome name I pray, Amen!
It truly is amazing the clarity that comes from a little alone time. It also helps me feel more energized. Sometimes, it is so hard to hear God's whisper when the house is full and there is so much going on. Not sure if its answers I am finding, right now. But at least I know the questions to ask.
Hurting to Healing...
So there I was. It was 11pm on the night of my daughters 16th birthday and I was laying in a hospital bed, feeling like crud, and way too much time to think. Not a good combination for someone in my current state. The first thing I did was break into tears. At first, the tears came from a place of self-pity. I started asking myself questions like, "How did I get here?", "Why me?". Then the self-pity turned into anger. "What did I do in my life to always deserve being sick?", "Why was God picking on me?" The way I had saw it, I had given my life to helping the sick and dying. Didn't that count for something? After a good cry, I dried my eyes and decided to look through the bag my daughter and husband had brought me. Hoping to find a book and not be forced to watch bad television, I dug to the bottom of the bag. There was a book there alright. My husband and daughter, knowing me as well as they do, had packed my Bible. I could feel the tug at my eyes and swallowed hard, determined not to shed another tear. I pulled it out and started thumbing through the pages. It quickly accrued to me that this book was here for a reason. I started just reading random verses. In the beginning, they didn't seem to really apply to my situation. However, as I read more and more I started seeing small connections. that is when i stopped. I decided to pray and ask God to please open my mind and my heart as I read on. I figured if i was going to try and get answers from God, I was going to give it my best effort. Then I picked it up and started reading more. Only this time, I slowed down, took in every word, and took time to reflect. Then there it was...Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all ways acknowledge Him, and he will make your paths straight."
There it was. The answer to all the questions that I had asked myself earlier. I had stopped trusting in God. Not only had I stopped trusting in Him, but I had found other things to lean on in times of trouble. Smoking, complaining, unhealthy eating habits. I had developed all these unhealthy coping techniques and in return, managed to make myself even more unhealthy then I was. If that wasn't bad enough, I had not listened to God all the times I was at my worst. I choose to ignore Him, and rely on my own thoughts, fears, and opinions. Talk about a wake up call. We preach to our kids that we know best and that they need to listen to us. When they don't we are are disappointed in them and and we punish them. Same concept. My Father was disappointed in me and the punishment I was suffering was that of my own doing (or at least some of it). I couldn't do anything about the wonderful genetics I was dealt, but I did have control over how I took care of myself. Then came another enlightening moment. Lamentations 3:31-33 "For men are not cast off by The Lord forever. Though He brings grief, He will show compassion, so great is His unfailing love. For He does not willingly bring affliction or grief to children of men."
God wasn't picking on me. God did not want any 38 year old woman to suffer and be this sick just because He was disappointed in me. Of this much, I was sure. So why then? The only answer I can come up with is to fulfill His plan for me. I am still working on trying to figure out what that plan is. However, now my eyes and ears are more open then ever. I am sure that part of His plan is for me to help others through their own trials and struggles. In what ways or how, I am still working on. All I know is that it has brought me a piece of myself back. It has helped me to prioritize my life and my goals in life. I have been able to accept that I will never be perfectly healthy, but that God has only given me one body. It is my job to take as good care of it has possible. Finally, it has taught me that my family and the Lord deserve to have me at my very best. No less. God Bless!!!!
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