It has been a very confusing, trying, and worrisome couple of months in our home. My health has been anything but optimal. We have been trying to decide what to do about a new house. Plans have gotten underway to celebrate our oldest child's (Dustin) High School graduation. As hard as it all was, we were managing fine. Emotionally, physically, spiritually, and financially. Things were good. Then all of a sudden, as they say, "When it rains, it pours." About two month's I started asking Dustin what his plans were for college, assuming of course, that he was planning on attending a local community college for a couple of years and then move on. I mean, we hadn't really talked about anything else, not since his freshman year, anyway. Literally a week later, he walked in the door after school, and said he was going to a Future Soldiers meeting the next day and was pretty sure he was going to join the Army. For those of you that don't know, Dustin had brought this up his freshman year. At that time we had managed to put the subject on the back burner. He would only mention it in conversation once in a while. Yet, never gave us a reason to take him serious. A week later, he was enlisted and making decisions at 18 most 30 year olds don't need to make. The fact that he joined the Army wasn't the thing that set me off. It was that he is leaving June 3rd (two weeks after graduation). Add that to what he picked for a MOS (occupation) and you have mom's nervous breakdown. Dustin choose to be a Fire Support Specialist. From the Go Army website he "leads, supervises, or serves in intelligence activities including target processing in FA cannon battalions, division artillery, artillery and maneuver brigade and Corps headquarters and Fire Support Elements." Mom's definition, "sets up targets and decides where the cannons shoot". Regardless, it is a great possibility that he will be on the front lines. Not what every mother dreams of for their child as they are rocking them to sleep at age 2.
For Paul and I, it was very important that we knew this is really what he wanted to do. We have never preached to our children about becoming doctors or lawyers. We only encouraged them to pick professions that made them happy, and to be the best they could at it. I want my children to have the same feeling I have when they get out of work at the end of the day. I love being a nurse and wouldn't change what I do for anything. After many long talks and even more tears, we are very confident that this is what he is meant to do. It is in his blood and, quite honestly, suites him very well. He has promised me that he is happy with his choice and I have promised him that I will be the best darned Army mom on the planet. In keeping with that promise, I also promised him that I would keep family and friends updated on him the best I could. I will be starting a sister blog to this one named "Dustin's Journey". It will help journal his experience, educate everyone, and keep everyone up to date. I am hoping it will come in handy for other military parents. Paul and I have been asked so many questions we don't even have answer to ourselves. I am constantly looking things up and think it would be easier to just pass on what we learn as we learn it. The end of the month is my goal, and I will post a link when it is up and running.
This with trying to find a new house, dealing with medical issues, and graduation itself was enough to try my sanity and faith. Then Dustin lost a dear friend. They grew up together. I thought for sure I was going to lose it. We had known this boy his whole life. There was one point I was worried for my own sons future. The only thing worse then going through the loss of a loved one yourself, is watching your child go through it. My faith had dwindled to just about nothing. I really didn't know how to make it better for him. Then one day I found a Bible verse some where. Can't even remember where. It was Matthew 17:20 " He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." I started praying. I prayed everyday, sometimes two or three times a day. A few days later, Dustin came home and said he was helping to raise money for his friends family. As he took part in these activities, I could see healing through it. Watching him move on, helped me move on. I started seeing his enlistment in a different light. I started seeing it as God's way of using Dustin for good, and not a way of taking Dustin away from me. Even if he was thousands of miles away, I still have my son. I see now all the good God can do through such a kind heart. The Army is God's way of taking all that love, compassion, and giving in Dustin's heart and making sure many (not a few) lives are touched by it. I am so proud of him, and proud to call myself an "Army Mom".
I have been praying ever since. This afternoon, I came across the same verse and read it again. It had even more meaning and truth behind it. That little seed of faith I had turned my heart and my son around. It also strengthened my own relationship with God. It is not a lesson I have taken lightly. I can not say with certain that my faith will never be tested again. But I can say before I get to the point I was, I need to turn to God. Prayer, the Bible, and faith are my combat plan. With these three things, I can place anything in God's hands. And I have. I have accepted my health for what it is. and you know what? A house doesn't make a home. It is the people in it. The right house will come along, whether we build or buy already existing. It's about putting our own expectations, wants, and timeline aside for God to show us His. God Bless and Many Blessings.
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