Learning As We Go...

There comes a time in every moms life when we question ourselves.  We question ourselves as mothers, wives, daughters, sisters, and as a friend.  Am I doing this right?  Do I spend enough time with them?  Do they all feel love and protected?  No matter what we do there always seem to be criticism.  To top it all of, that criticism fuels the questions already roaming in our heads.  It's hard being a mom.  They say it is one of the hardest jobs in the world.  The worse part is you don't get a do over if you mess up.  There is no rewind button.  We can only learn from our mistakes and hope that the next step is a better experience.  When the criticisms come from our own children, it makes the sting burn even more.  There is so much riding on whether we make the right choices for our children.  Talk about pressure!  From choosing when to start potty training to when they can start dating.  It all shapes and molds who they become as people.  There is something else that this process has taught me.  Sure it took 18 years to figure it out, but I finally figured it out.  There is no perfect way and what works for one family doesn't always work for another.  You can pick all the right schools, feed them nothing but healthy meals, be a stay at home mom, or a working mom.  It doesn't matter.  Things are not going to be perfect all the time.  It's human nature.  You can blame the difference in personalities.  And if you have more then one child, you are dealing with more then one personality.  My husband and I have always tried to take the kids personality characteristics into account with everything.  However, that has seemed to back fire on us a time or two.  I have read books, visited blogs, and all the things they suggest a parent should do in order to be an "affective" parent.  I hate to admit it, but it was all time wasted.  In the long run, my husband and I have come to the conclusion that we are still (yes, 18 years later) learning as we go.  It doesn't matter that one child has already left the nest, because the two to follow are completely different people.  We are not perfect, and neither are they.  The biggest challenge is in getting them to figure this all out.  They do not understand that they are not the only ones growing through the process.  We are too.  Parenting not only shapes children, it shapes us as well.  Just because we are the parents, doesn't mean we have all the right answers.  Of course, we aren't going to admit that to them.

No, I'm not a perfect mom.  My husband is not a perfect dad.  My children will make mistakes.  In the end, I can only pray that they make the right choices for themselves, or learn from the wrong ones.  I pray daily that my husband and I make the right choices in raising our children.  It makes us feel better knowing that the lord has their backs.  Hopefully, he has ours as well.  We have learned to pick our battles with each of them.  In the end, we are very proud of each of them and feel extremely blessed to have them.  You just have to be willing to accept that there will always be a critic, things will not always be perfect, and you can't be their best friends and their parents.  Pray often, stay involved, and always be willing to listen.  Sometimes, they just need a little reassurance from us that they are on the right road.  The greatest thing is that when they make those right choices, it is God's way of letting us know that we are also traveling the right road.  The most important thing is that they know they are loved and can count on you when they need you.  No body knows your children like you do (yes, there will be those who think they do).  I know that none of this is a great and rare discovery.  Just a thought, if you need it, for the day.  Much love and many blessings!!!!