Because I Said So...

Well, the time has come.  Tomorrow night, at this time, I will be back at work since Easter.  I can't deny that I was so excited that I actually had my clothes picked out and everything since yesterday.  Similar to a child excited about the first day of school.  On the other hand, my nerves are getting the best of me.  I can't help but think what if it doesn't work out.  Yes, I do feel better then I have in a long time. However, I can't escape the fact that I still suffer from chronic disease, am disabled, and know that if it doesn't work out this time...that is it.  This is my last and final attempt at trying to keep my life as normal as possible.  Normal meaning living a life that is still fulfilling despite my health issues.  I know that in order to make this work, it is imperative that I take the best care of myself possible.  Yeah!  Okay.  Did I forget that I was a mom, wife, and not superwoman?  Let's face it...very few women are good at taking care of themselves.  I mean, we eat poorly, are sleep deprived, stressed to the max, and still have to deal with everyday demands of work, parenthood, marriage, etc..  Then we wonder why it is so hard to be encouraging to other women.  I am no Joan Cleaver!  Is that even possible?  Sure I have done my best to organize my life, eat better, manage my illness, and all that stuff that they convince us is crucial to being happy and healthy woman.  The part they leave out is that a truly happy woman is laying on the beach, with an umbrella drink, no interruptions, and in a size zero bikini.  Well, this momma is no size zero.  Laying on a beach would mean eventually I'd have to get up...not pretty (especially in a bikini).  As for the drink, it would probably put me to sleep because I don't drink and am so sleep deprived it isn't funny.  That would mean getting sunburned, which would lead to cancer, and then how am I going to take care of everyone. Did I get it right?  Isn't that how we ladies think?  No it's not sarcasm.  It's real life.  Well, maybe a little sarcasm.  So, all I can do is try to put my control freakish thoughts, doubts, and feelings of perfectionism aside and give it my all.  After all, that is what I would tell me kids. Right?  Funny how all those lessons we tried to teach our kids, come back to bite us in the rear.  I am finding it is time to take my own advice and all I want to say to myself in return is, "Oh mom.  Do I have to?"  The answer is, "Yes you do because I said so."  But don't tell my kids I said that ;)