Middle Aged Woman Rant!!!

Sitting here on my night off.  I keep my midnight schedule, even on my nights off.  It's just a lot less hectic on my body.  So, in a frantic search to find inspiration for my next blog post, I started searching "middle-aged women" on the Internet.  Instead of inspiration, I found it to be a rather depressing subject.  Oh there was plenty of information, stories, and humor to be found.  There is the middle aged divorced woman.  The middle aged single woman.  The stay at home middle aged woman, who lives on a bugdet.  My personal favorite...50 things middle aged women are doing wrong.  Well first of all, I am not divorced.  Nope, I married my high school sweetheart and still happily married.  So that rules out single and divorced.  As for being a stay at home mom living in a budget...I work full time.  Because it is my choice.  Tried the stay at home mom and wanted to hang myself.  Kudos to those who can do it.  It truly isn't easy.  By the way, don't we all live on a budget. I mean, the last I knew, the cost of living is still going up and I am not getting any younger or richer.  As for 50 things I am doing wrong, I am so happy for the improvement.  After all, I can only name about a 100 of them in my early adulthood.

Seriously, why must the beginning of middle age be such a downer.  If you aren't already depressed by entering it, you only have to search the Internet, grab a glass, and a bottle of wine, and cuddle up with your tissues.  Oh but wait!  You'll be prone to carpal tunnel, ruin your liver, and your friends and family will want you to be on Prozac.  Why does getting older have to be such a bad thing?  I feel the best that I have felt in years.  Yes, despite my illnesses.  I can go to the bathroom without an audience.  I suffer from sleep deprivation because, for the first time in years, I stayed up too late watching a whole movie or reading a whole book without interruption.  I can go shopping and step into a dressing room knowing that I am not a perfect size 2.  The best thing is...I am 41 and no one expects me to be.  I can speak my mind and feel comfortable in doing so.  Many may not approve of my blogging, but here I have a voice.  A voice that speaks for many women my age...not just myself.  Someday, those same women will be in our shoes and be grateful someone said all the things they are thinking.

Yes, my children are almost all grown, my waistline is bigger, my body is far from perfect, I say what's on my mind, and I still wake up next to the same snoring man everyday for over 20 years.  What is wrong with all that?  Not a darn thing.  So stop picking on women between 40 and 60.  Seriously, if you stopped to actually get to know us, you might be inspired and find much wisdom.  This is all regardless of our age, marital status, or wether or not we are rich or married.  We aren't that bad...really!

To Every Time There Is A Season...

Very recently, one of my very dear friends lost her battle with cancer.  She was an awesome woman and had so much strength.  I remember thinking that if anyone could beat this horrible disease, it would be her.  However, just before Christmas, she went home to be with our Heavenly Father.  We all watched and we're just amazed at the picture of courage and strength she had become to us all.  There are nights I miss her terribly.  She was always there to help me feel better.  Somehow, with as different as our illnesses were, we had common ground.  The battles were different, but the effects were much the same.  I sit back and think about those conversations.  You see, cancer may have weakened her body.  Yet, it never weakened her heart.  She was always full of encouragement and concern for everybody else.  How selfless she was just amazed me.  It isn't the first time I had lost a loved one to this terrible disease.  But it was the first time it had affected me in a way I can not explain.  So, today I find myself having to face, yet another person in my life battling this terrible disease.  I haven't seen him in a while and know I have to.  Yet, the sorrow and fear associated with my friends passing has me so scared.  Scared to get close again.  I just feel like every good person in my life has been taken from me due to this disease.  From my grandmother to my friends to my family.  It's so hard.  I, in no way, could ever compare my pain and sorrow with what his wife and children are going through.  It is just the thought that you are helpless against this disease.  I am a nurse.  My job is to make people better.  Unfortunately, I struggle with the fact that we can't always fix them. 

The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 3,"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven...".  I read this and know that it is true.  It is one of the many things we all have in common as humans.  It just seems that some seasons are longer then others and a lot harder to get through.  We go through life celebrating birthdays, holidays, special occasions, and all the wonderful accomplishments our lives bring to us and our loved ones.  Then, time just seems to stand still when we have to deal with disease, loss, and times of hardship.  The people around us move on with their lives, and those most affected struggle to just get through every hour.  It is this grand experience we call life.  The good, the bad, and the ugly.  But somewhere buried deep inside it all is some of the most beautiful, unforgettable, and life changing moments that make going on worth it.  It's the hope that tomorrow will be a better day.  The appreciation of the blessings we have been given.  Life didn't come with a blueprint.  The closest thing we have is our spiritual GPS...The bible and our faith in God.  Because something's we just have to put Him in the drivers seat for.  Much love and many blessings!

Top Five Beauty Products For 2014!!!

 

Well, I spent much of last year trying to reverse damage from illness or meds (we will not mention age), and trying to help myself gain some self confidence back.  In the process, I found many products that I absolutely love.  I have seen many bloggers do a top ten or a top 14 for 2014.  I decided to be different.  I decided to choose just five.  My criteria?  First of all, it had to be something that I would not want to be without and actually worked.  Secondly, it had to be readily available and cheap.  So, after much deliberation, these are the five that I have come up with.  (Top Left):  Studio 35 Beauty is found at Walgreens.  It is an Alpha Hydroxy Acid and can be used with your regular facial moisturizer.  It is wonderful.  I did notice my discolorations get lighter and my fine lines get less noticeable.  Best of all, it is around $8 for a huge jar.  The only down side is that it reminds me of Elmer's glue, but the smell disappears almost right away.  Beauty knows no pain, Ladies!!!  (Bottom Left):  Queen Helene Mint Julep Masque is an excellent treatment to use a couple of times a week to help keep breakouts away and your skin feeling fresh.  It is around $3 or $4 at Dollar General for a huge tube.  After you are done, your skin will feel tingly and fresh.  Love this.  (Bottom Right):  Aussie 3 Minute Miracle is a great way to keep dry hair looking shiny and feeling soft.  My hair is processed and my meds cause much breakage, as well.  this has made a huge difference.  I can actually comb through my hair with a comb and no tangles.  I purchase mine at Dollar General for less then $5.  (Top Right):  Boost It High Lift Creation Spray by L'Oreal is a little more expensive then the previous products.  It is between $6 and $8 at various drugstores.  However, I purchase mine at Rite Aid when they are on sale.  I use coupons and my Up Rewards.  Many times, I can get it for free.  I have thin hair and need the lift.  I just spray it at my roots and I look like I have the hair of a teenagers again.  So much volume that stays with me all day.  I do not use a lot, so this can has lasted forever.  It is used in conjunction with my everyday hairspray.  (Middle):  The 24 Hour Color Tattoos by Maybelline are awesome.  Not sure what they are full price because I only buy them on sale, with coupons, and my Up Rewards at Rite Aid.  They are very pigmented and last all day.  So much so that if I don't take my makeup off before I go to bed, it is still in place when I wake up.  I just use my finger for application and it only takes a few minutes to do my eye makeup.  Love these!!!  So, there you have it.  The five products I found in 2014 that I will not be without.  I know that some might think that this is useless information.  However, there are some that will find it very helpful.  Just because we get older, doesn't mean we stop caring about how we look.  In fact, some of us get more self conscious about taking care of ourselves.  Let's face it...they aren't passing out facelifts at Walmart as the Bluelight Special.  Even if they were, it's invasive and has side effects.  So, I look for products to help me make the most of what I have, cover up what I don't, and fake it on a bad day.  Ahhh!  The wonderful magic of good makeup, skincare, and hair products.  With the gift of these products, we can even convince ourselves we don't look as bad as we feel sometimes.



The Over 40 Category!

So, today I find myself in the over 40 category.  No, that is not a bad thing!  At one time I thought it would be.  Once I was diagnosed with the Addisons and Arthritis, I thought my life would go down hill.  Sure I have bad days.  Sometimes, a lot of them.  Yes, my body isn't ever going to be the same.  But, today, I find myself in a place I once thought I would never be.  Today, on my 41st birthday, I find myself counting my many blessings and happier then I have been in a very long time.  I have a job I love, friends and family I adore, kids who are growing into fine young adults, a husband I couldn't imagine my life without, a blog I have worked hard on and am proud of, a God who loves me and is with me everyday, and so much more.  Even with all the bad things that I have been through in the past 3 years, I am still standing.  Standing strong and feeling hopeful.  The season in my life I once saw as an ending, I now see as a new beginning.  Isn't that funny?  It goes to show that the Lord has a plan in everything He brings into our lives.  In the end, it's not about having everything we want.  It's about appreciating everything we are blessed with and how we treat and use them.  I am so very blessed.  No, my life isn't perfect.  But in my life, there are perfect moments.  I wouldn't change a thing.  Much love and many blessings.

It's Not All About The Dress!!!

So, today was both one of the happiest days of my life and one of the hardest.  Today I took my daughter shopping for her wedding gown.  That's right!  My only little girl is a "bride to be".  Before today it was just all talk.  Even the ring on her finger didn't help it sink in.  But today was different.  No amount of prom dress shopping prepares you for the first time your daughter steps into that first wedding gown.  It's like your heart wants to burst with joy and break into a million pieces from the realization all at once.  Then, after six or seven dresses, you just start getting use to it, and BAM!  It's the one.  I knew it before we even got it zipped up.  I made her wait to look in the mirror until it was all set.  Then, I saw that look.  The same look I had just a little over 20 years ago when I tried on my wedding dress.  Tears from both of us started.  For her, it was the moment she felt like a bride.  For me, it was the moment I knew I would have to let her go soon.  I am so proud of her, and couldn't be more thrilled with my future son in law.  He is a good man.  Hubby and I know he will take care of and love her always.  You can see it in the way he looks at her.  They really do remind us of 20 years ago.  They say it's all about the dress.  But today I learned it's more then that.  It is about letting go and still being able to show her that you are always there.  That, no matter what, my arms are opened.  I'm learning to loosen my grip a bit at a time.  It's hard and involves many teary moments.  But it is also wonderful to watch her fly on her own.

Ramblings of a Night Owl!

So, here it is 2a.m., and wide awake.  Yes, the life of a night owl.  Don't get me wrong.  It does have its perks.  The house gets clean with little disruption.  I get to watch a full movie with no interruption.  Most of all, time to myself.  Yes, a very successful week back to work.  If it wasn't for this cold weather, I could almost say that I did it feeling great.  Unfortunately, I live in Michigan and have arthritis, so that is only a dream.  However, I do feel better then I have in a long time.  You see, I finally figured it out. Work is a distraction for me.  Not from my home life, but from myself.  At work, I can focus on something else.  It's not about me.  And any nurse that thinks it is shouldn't be a nurse.  It is about the people I work with, the service given, and the illnesses and problems of patients.  Not my own illnesses and disabilities.  You see, this is where all that time to think comes back to kick me in the rear end.  Nights like tonight I look for distraction.  Distraction from the pain, from the demands of being a mom and wife, and most of all the constant thought of how I wish things really were.  This is not a pity party.  Trust me.  I don't need or want anyone's pity.  I have had enough of that to last me three lifetimes.  It's just the simple truth.  So, I read, play on my gadgets, crochet, or find a good old movie.

Tonight I chose to distract myself with looking for some ideas for a "Mother Of The Bride" dress.  That's right, we are going wedding gown shopping tomorrow.  This is when it all becomes real.  A symbol that the little girl we nurtured and loved is all grown up.  We are both excited.  Or at least I was until my wonderful daughter suggested we start looking for my dress, as well.  So I started looking.  Why must designers insist on dressing us mothers like we are old women?  At 41, I am hardly an old woman.  Just because I feel like Betty White's age, doesn't mean I want to look it.  I want for people to look at me and then look at my daughter, and think, "Wow!"  Or at least think that I look good for my age and everything I have been through.  Selfish?  Maybe.  But I am not the first mother to think it.  Just the first one to actually put it out there.  So, wish us both luck tomorrow.  Pray my daughter finds her Cinderella dress.  Pray that I can at least find one that resembles her Fairy Godmother rather then her Evil Stepmother.  It's suppose to be a Fairytale wedding, not a nightmare.  

Because I Said So...

Well, the time has come.  Tomorrow night, at this time, I will be back at work since Easter.  I can't deny that I was so excited that I actually had my clothes picked out and everything since yesterday.  Similar to a child excited about the first day of school.  On the other hand, my nerves are getting the best of me.  I can't help but think what if it doesn't work out.  Yes, I do feel better then I have in a long time. However, I can't escape the fact that I still suffer from chronic disease, am disabled, and know that if it doesn't work out this time...that is it.  This is my last and final attempt at trying to keep my life as normal as possible.  Normal meaning living a life that is still fulfilling despite my health issues.  I know that in order to make this work, it is imperative that I take the best care of myself possible.  Yeah!  Okay.  Did I forget that I was a mom, wife, and not superwoman?  Let's face it...very few women are good at taking care of themselves.  I mean, we eat poorly, are sleep deprived, stressed to the max, and still have to deal with everyday demands of work, parenthood, marriage, etc..  Then we wonder why it is so hard to be encouraging to other women.  I am no Joan Cleaver!  Is that even possible?  Sure I have done my best to organize my life, eat better, manage my illness, and all that stuff that they convince us is crucial to being happy and healthy woman.  The part they leave out is that a truly happy woman is laying on the beach, with an umbrella drink, no interruptions, and in a size zero bikini.  Well, this momma is no size zero.  Laying on a beach would mean eventually I'd have to get up...not pretty (especially in a bikini).  As for the drink, it would probably put me to sleep because I don't drink and am so sleep deprived it isn't funny.  That would mean getting sunburned, which would lead to cancer, and then how am I going to take care of everyone. Did I get it right?  Isn't that how we ladies think?  No it's not sarcasm.  It's real life.  Well, maybe a little sarcasm.  So, all I can do is try to put my control freakish thoughts, doubts, and feelings of perfectionism aside and give it my all.  After all, that is what I would tell me kids. Right?  Funny how all those lessons we tried to teach our kids, come back to bite us in the rear.  I am finding it is time to take my own advice and all I want to say to myself in return is, "Oh mom.  Do I have to?"  The answer is, "Yes you do because I said so."  But don't tell my kids I said that ;)

Not Growing Older, Starting Over

So, I spent the day going through and cleaning my room.  I decided that it would be a good way to get my 41st birthday off my mind.  It truly didn't bother me until my daughter got engaged and my son got married.  We, also, have a younger son who will be 16 this year.  It's all been a bit overwhelming.  Especially because it has all happened in such a short period of time.  As I was going through some of the photos, I found myself getting a bit teary eyed.  The pictures were like a flash into the past.  As I looked through them I was reminded of how quickly the whole last 20 years had gone.  It seems like yesterday we were running kids all over the place for sports, school, and dance.  When you become parents, everyone tells you that it goes so fast.  However, between the diaper changing, teaching them how to ride bikes, first dates, and all those other moments you get lost in time.  My husband and I have always tried to be a part of their lives.  We got to know their friends, spent many days at sporting events, and always kept the lines of communication opened.  Even if that meant going on a long car ride with the doors locked and no way for them to escape us.  We are finding ourselves having to adjust to having all this free time on our hands.  Quite honestly, we have never had so much time alone together in the 20 years we have been married.  To top it all off, we have always worked separate shifts in order to have one of us home for the kids at all times.  Yes, this means we have to actually share the bed and wake up to each others beautiful faces everyday.  Sad, but true.  It's like having to get to know each other all over again.  I have to say it has been both a good and bad thing.  However, I can say that I am reminded everyday of why I fell in love with him.  Morning breath and all. 

Has I was taking a trip down memory lane, something occurred to me that hadn't before.  I realized that although our children are growing up and starting lives of their own, they still need us.  Just in a much different capacity then before.  It also occurred to me that we wouldn't change a thing.  We couldn't be prouder of the people our children have grown to be and the choices they have made for themselves.  They have all come so far.  So I now see turning 41 in a different light.  It's almost like a new beginning.  Not just for Paul and I, but the kids too.  Every moment should be just as cherished as watching them get to this point.  Even though our youngest has a couple of years to go, there will still be big decisions for him to make.  Decisions that will effect him once he gets to the same stage has his older brother and sister.  All of this started making me think that maybe getting older isn't such a bad thing.  Maybe it can be just as wonderful as the last 20 years (putting my health struggles aside, of course).  Just like the last 20 years, there is no way to go back and get a do over.  So I am embracing this point in my life, right now.  It's going to be a wild ride.  But then again, that seems to be how our family does things.  So, we are going to buckle up and roll with it.        

New Year...New Outlook!!!

Although I have vowed not to make any New Year's resolutions this year, I am bound and determined to continue working on my health and helping others.  The past year was so full of ups and downs.  It found us with one high school graduation, two engagements, one marriage, an adorable new addition to the family (an 88lb. Yellow Lab named Buddy), health struggles, the loss of close friends, and that is just to name a few.  However, our family stood together and put our trust in God and we are still here to tell about it.  2015 promises to be just as exciting.  Which is why I decided to stay away from the resolution making.  It's not because I don't have goals for myself.  It is because I know what is in store and know my limits.  Definitely don't need to put more pressure on myself then is necessary.  I will still continue to inspire other women, help others, and follow my dreams.  There will be many more blog posts this year, and the possible addition of videos.  I am so excited at the possibilities that are waiting for me on this journey.  Dreams are important.  They are what gives us purpose and a reason to get up every morning.  I hope that you are able to follow and accomplish yours.  But don't stop there.  Keep dreaming.  Dream big and small.  Anything is possible.  You just have to keep faith in yourself and in God's plan for you.  Others may try to criticize you or take your spark.  Don't let them.  The best dreams are the ones you fight the hardest for.  They mean the most and show your true personality.  So, instead of making new resolutions, gain a new outlook.  A new outlook on yourself, your life, your surroundings, and your future.  Much love and many blessings!!!!!