Out with the Old...

Hello friends!  I know I have been absent for the last little bit.  The end of 2012 proved to be quite challenging for my health and has kept me away.  I can't say that it has been an easy year.  What I can say is that I have learned so much about myself, my family, and my relationship with God.  At my lowest point, I can honestly say it would have been very easy to give up.  I questioned so many things.  My body, my doctors, my family, etc..  But through all the sickness and pain, came light.  I can't tell you the single moment that I came out of my cloudiness, but I can tell you who it was that brought me out.  It was my beautiful children.  I look at these three faces, and know that it is for them I fight so hard.  They are the reason that I can not let Addison's, Psoriatic arthritis, or COPD win.  That being said, I have also come to realize that the Lord has blessed me with a platform to inspire others like myself, and I had been neglecting it.  For those that missed me, I am truly sorry and missed you as well.  You have all been a great support to me.  For that I am not only blessed but love you all very much.  Yes, I am still struggling with my health, but I have found my fight again.  Yes, I am still smoke free, as is my husband.  The one New Years Resolution from 2012 I am proud to say I kept.  Enough with the past year...

This New Year holds so much promise for my family and I.  While I don't know how it is going to go, I do know that I intend to make the most of it.  So instead of making New Years Resolutions this year, I have decided to let God lead the journey.  I have to admit that, for me, this is scary.  I have always tried to maintain control.  My husband doesn't call me a control freak for nothing.  However, in my deepest prayers, thoughts, and time in Gods word I realized that I don't have it all under control.  Shocker, because I always thought I did.  I also realized that it caused my body more stress and worry that was just making me feel worse.  This in turn caused stress in my relationship with my husband, kids, and God.  Not proud of it, but proud to be able to recognize that I was wrong.  Again, I said it.  My husband would be so proud.

So my hope for my readers is that you can take 2013 and enjoy every minute of it.  Enjoy time with family, friends, and on your own.  Don't let control and worry consume you.  If the dishes don't get done right away...so be it.  They can be washed later, but you may only have this last moment to hug your loved ones and tell them what they mean to you.  So what if you have a loved one in your family who has made mistakes.  Maybe this is the year you extend forgiveness or a supportive hand.  You may not get another chance.  Last but not least...blood maybe thicker then water, but we all need water to survive.  As humans, we thrive on love and nurturing.  With out these two things, there is no sense of belonging or purpose.  Family is wonderful and there is nothing like their love and support to see you through trying times.  However, in some instances, family comes in the form of close friends.  So I am not just wishing you a Happy New Year, but a Happy 2013.  Many Blessings and much love!!!!!!!     

Food for thought:   Matt 6:33 “But seek first the Kingdom of God and His Righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” Matt 6:34 “Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”       

       

Manic Monday

Yet, again, here we are...the beginning of another busy week.  The kids were up and out the door this morning with no great crisis to solve.  One small step for man, on giant step for the Crowl family.  As I sit here drinking my hot chocolate, I can see the damage done from the busy weekend.  It was Homecoming weekend for Dustin and Shelby.  Dylan had parents night for football.  Of course Mother Nature had to leave her stamp on the busy weekend with so much rain.  However, I sit here and think about all the craziness this weekend brought, I can't help but have feelings of bitter sweetness.  This was Dustin's last Homecoming.  He is a Senior this year.  Where has the time gone?  Seems like yesterday he was just getting of the bus for preschool.  It isn't just thoughts of him that come to me.  I sit here and think about all his friends and how they have all grown into such fun young people.  Then it hits me again.  Shelby's last Homecoming is next year and Dylan has his first.  All these feelings are kind of surreal.  I always knew these days would come, just didn't know it would happen so fast.

I look around my somewhat disorganized home. I am flooded with feelings of gratitude.  As I go through my daily routine, my goal is to do so with a gracious heart.  I will get through my chores remembering the past memories of this weekend, knowing that my husband and I enjoyed every minute of it.  I will remember how beautiful my daughter was and how handsome my son looked.  Memories of their friends being here for pictures will come back to me.  The look on Dylan's face when he came home to homemade cookies after his game on Saturday night will warm my heart.   In 10 years, I will look back with no regrets.  I am praying that this day brings you with thoughts of the same.  Enjoy the messes and the craziness now.  Someday it will not be there.  Will you be able to look back and say you took in every moment, made lasting memories, and have no regrets?  I truly hope so.  Much love and many blessings, my friends.      

New Beginnings!!!

Yesterday was not a good day.  However, I have recently learned that days turn out to be what you make them.  Oh sure it would be easy for me to sit here and dwell on the fact that I have had a lot of health issues to deal with recently, financial set back due to being off work, and consistent pain.  However, I can not bring myself to do that.  This is why...

When I was put into the hospital it forced me to do a lot of thinking.  It forced me to face the fact that Paul and I had done the exact thing that we said we would never do.  Take life for granted.  Things in our house where chaotic, kids and parents where consistently at each other, disrespect had taken over, and there was no order to our life, whatsoever.  From the outside looking in, people thought our home was so put together.  It was anything but.  The day I was discharged from the hospital, my husband and I had a real heart to heart.  We had realized that we did everything that we said we wouldn't.  We said we would never take our income for granted, we had come to rely way too much on money.  We said we would always keep our family unit a priority.  We had come so consumed with buying a new home, making bills, and work that our kids became passing thoughts.  Not something either of us are proud of, but it does happen.  We had gotten away from God, our ethics, and most of all, each other. At that moment, we decided enough was enough.  We started by reviewing our daily routines.  Something that we knew would have to change.  My new health issues make it impossible for me to physically and mentally do it all.  Funny thing was, I didn't realize just how much I did for everyone else before.  I had completely made the kids and Paul dependent on me.  Right on down to still fixing the kids dinner plates.  I know, teenagers, right?  Crazy.  I had adopted the thinking that it was just easier to do it myself.  I was so wrong.  Paul and I brought back the old chore list and set down to a long talk with the kids.  It was not only time for parents to wake up, but for the kids to accept and understand mom's lack of ability.  It was a very hard conversation.  We, in a sense, were asking them to admit that mom was sick and would never be the same.  I know this was very hard for them.  It can't be easy to see your friends moms run all over and be supermom, then get home and know yours isn't and never will be.  However, like the amazing human beings they are...they stepped up.  Sure there are days chores don't get done, but at least they can function when I am not able to be the most help.  We addressed the disrespect towards others issue simply by saying it would not be tolerated any longer.  They knew how disappointed we were in this behavior.  Especially when we apologized to them for own disrespectful behaviors.  It somehow meant more to them when we admitted to being wrong and suggested that we work together to correct the problem.

We also started finding ways to save money.  Not that we needed to, but that we had taken our present income for granted.  We had bought our own property a couple of years ago with the dream of putting a new house on it.  We let convenience and fear take that dream away.  No house was ever going to be good enough for us, unless we were on our own property.  Deep down we knew this.  So plans were set forth to be able to put a house in by spring.  Crazy thing is, it will actually be better for our financial future long term.  Whats even more amazing is how easy things have fallen into place for this new house.  It was like it was meant to be.  We also decided that saving money would help in the future when I am not physically able to work.  This may be 3 years from now or 10 years from now.  But it is inevitable.  We need to be responsible enough to recognize this and prepare for it. 

Finally, we started making the kids stay home more.  They had gotten to the point where they were at friends houses more then they were home.  This was an adjustment for them, but they did go along with it.  Nights of bickering and arguing have turned back into laughter.  For the first time in a long time there is laughter in our home again.  Shelby and I started going back to church.  We are still working on getting the boys back, but decided it is best to take babysteps.  It is amazing what hope, love, and faith can bring to a family.  We often get so consumed with "keeping up with the Jones" that we forget what is important.  It starts to take over our lives.  In my case, the stress was making me even sicker.  We need our faith to be in God and what He can do for us.  Not material things.  I feel God's presence in my home again.  I feel it with the smile on my kids faces, the tone of my husbands voice, and my own overall health.

Proverbs 14:30 "A heart of peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones."  I hope that your day brings nothing but good things.  Hoping your weekend is an enjoyable one also.  God Bless my friends.          

Another Busy morning!!

Well, it was another busy morning in this house.  You would think that after all these years, getting ready for school would be a piece of cake.  Not the case.  There is always fighting over the bathroom, rushing each other out the door, and the constant reminder that they need to get out of bed.  My boys are 13 and 17.  You could set a four alarm fire off, and I don't think that they would budge from those beds in the morning.  My daughter is 16 and it doesn't matter if she is up at 5 or 7, she never has enough time.  Brings back memories.  My brother, sister, and I were the same exact way.  After they are out the door, things are so quiet, it is almost disturbing.  I have come accustom to the constant bustle of our home.  We have always been a very active family juggling, sports, social lives, and school.  Except for a short time when the kids where very young, my husband and I have always worked to make matters even more busy.  However, in all our business, my husband and I have always tried to make time for the family.  It is important to us to teach our children that no matter what life holds, you need to take time to slow down, and enjoy the blessings the Lord has gifted you.  And believe it or not...it does work.  The kids have even had nights they have chose to stay home versus going out with friends.  As a parent, it makes me feel I am doing something right.  Not to mention the ego boost that it gives me.  I mean, I can't be that bad a mom if my kids actually want to be around me...and even bring friends around.  I hope you all have a productive and blessed day.  However, don't forget to take time to slow down and smell the roses.  It helps put things in prospective, I promise.   

Three Weeks!!

Today marks the three week smoke-free mark for Paul and I.  It has not been easy, but it has so been worth it.  we have noticed so many changes in our home since we quit.  The smell is pretty much gone.  We figured it out and have saved a total of $294.  Not too mention just the sheer extra time we have on our hands.  Things are actually getting done.  As for the kids, they have noticed it easier to breath as well.  Our oldest (Dustin) has become obcessed with laundry smells.  It is so funny.  Physically we both have more energy, breath better, and just feel better not to be doing it.  While I am still having breathing issues, I can't help but think how much worse it would be if I was still smoking.  Smoking alone didn't cause my health issues.  It didn't help, but I would have been sick regardless.  I have to remind myself in my times of frustration that the damage didn't happen overnight and that it won't disappear overnight (if ever).  The patches have helped so much.  I still have my weak moments, but try to keep busy in those moments and that does seem to help.  I know that getting back to work will help.  My goal is to be back soon.  I just have to try and get this shortness of breath under control.  Plus, my steroid dosage down.  Not a fast process for someone with Addisons Disease, but it will happen.  I pray that this day brings you peace, love, and many blessings.  The Lord has been my rock through all this, and I have seen that all things are possible through Him.     

Going Through The Motions!!

Well, today did not start out well.   Woke up at 4:30a.m. to bronchospasms.  One of the delights of COPD and changing weather.  After a breathing treatment and a small nap, I did manage to get the recipe posted for the cookies I made yesterday.  Hope you all can enjoy them.  They are going fast here.  I did make it to church this morning with my daughter. That is where I got my slap to the forehead.  Pastor was talking about how blessed he was and how he was so grateful to God for all of his blessings.  He was so passionate about it it.  It got me thinking about how blessed I was, despite my many health issues.  More then that, it got me to thinking about how I show God I am grateful for my blessings.  I do pray daily, try to live the way He wants me to, and somehow, it doesn't seem like enough.  That is when the words, "Going through the motions" came to my head.  Often as Christians we think that we are doing exactly what we need to do in order to live a life in Christ.  We pray, we don't smoke or drink, don't curse, etc..  But that is doing whats expected, isn't it?  What if we took our gratitude one step further?  What if we actually did and said it like we mean it?  For example, if I tell my kids and my husband "I love you" just in passing, does it mean the same as if I actually stop everything I am doing, look at them, and say "I love you so much and am truly blessed to have you in my life."  I can tell you from my daughters and sons own mouths, the second statement means more.  Psalm 100:1-5 "A Psalm for giving thanks. Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth! Serve the Lord with gladness! Come into his presence with singing! Know that the Lord, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him; bless his name! For the Lord is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations."

So this is my own challenge, as well as my challenge to you.  The next time you pray or give thanks to God, turn everything off.  Give Him your full attention.  Then, don't just say the words.  Say them like you mean them.  Give Him your passion, love, and heart.  Give Him your burdens, apprehensions, and fears.  He is there for it all.  The good, the bad, and the ugly.  He wants to be there for you.  You just have to let him!  God Bless!!!  

Autumn Goodness!!!

Well, I dare say that autumn has definitely caught up with us here in Michigan.  Last night for the first time, our furnace ran.  Not something I ever look forward to, but living in Michigan, is inevitable.  Still I find comfort in the change of the seasons.  To me it is cozy nights, comfort food, holidays, wonderful smells.  It is football games and a season to enjoy the great outdoors that God has gifted us Michigan natives with. This is what happens when you are wide awake at 4:30am and can't get back to sleep.  Your mind wonders.  So I started thinking of what I could do today to "ring" in the new fall season.  So I have decided to bake oatmeal/cranberry/white chocolate chip cookies today.  Maybe bring out some fall decorations.  Fall/winter in Michigan is going to come whether we want it to or not.  No sense in fighting it.  Have a beautiful day everyone.  I pray you find a way to bring fall into your home.  Hoping you find purpose and meaning in everyday!!!!