All About You Series

There is nothing like a 20 year class reunion to make you sit and reflect on your life.  This past weekend proved that, and then some, for me.  I sat and looked through old photos and reminisced.  No one ever knows, for sure, where they are going to be 20 years in the future.  If we did, I promise you my life would be much different, right now.  I never planned for the challenges that life has presented me.  However, I can't help but think that it has made me who I am today.  Chronic illness not only takes its toll on your body, but your mind as well.  There comes a point where you are sick of being sick.  Then, there comes the moment you are just plain sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I know it sounds redundant, but it is what happens.  The way I see it, you have a few choices.  First, you can keep going through this cycle.  Doing the same thing, day in and day out.  No habits to break or changes to your lifestyle to worry about.  The second choice is to surrender to it.  Basically, just giving in.  You just sit and let the illness run its course.  Whatever happens...happens.  The third is to decide that you are not ready to let the illness take you and your life over.  It is the most difficult choice.  It requires more then positive affirmation and making alternative lifestyle choices.  It involves determination and energy.  Neither, of which you have when you have been ill for any length of time.  After much thought, prayer, conversations with my husband and doctors, and research...this is the choice I have decided to make.  As I stated, it will not be easy.  However, I can not feel content with any other decision. 

So, there is a plan in the works.  A plan to not only help my body get healthier, but my mind, as well.  Some of the steps might seem small and silly to some.  However, if you have ever hit rock bottom, you know that even the smallest things can have a huge impact.  Something as little as getting dressed in the morning can be very difficult.  There are days I can hardly find the physical strength and mental will power to do this.  Then I look at all the wonderful blessings I have been given and know that I have to.  I want more from life then that.  What if it doesn't work you ask?  Well, then I know that I tried everything I could.  I can live with that, better then if I just gave up.  My biggest enemies are going to be patience and self motivation.  I know this, and am working on ways to get me through.  I will try to share them, as I go.  When you stop to think about it...we all have our struggles.  Being a woman is hard.  The demands we face on a day to day basis are exhausting and stressful.  Whether it is with our weight, depression, smoking, stressed, or whatever.  We all need to try and find ways to take care of our physical self, and our mental well-being.  So feel free to take the tips you need, participate in the challenges presented, or whatever you need.  The important thing to remember (this is the hardest for me), is that we will have bad days.  It's not that you had the bad day that counts.  It is how you got through it, and what are you going to do to make tomorrow better.

So the first challenge I presented myself was to take few days and just journal my daily activity.  I kept track of my diet, medications, sleep, symptoms, weight, and any extra activities.  The easiest way to do this is to keep a small notebook in your purse.  If you are like me, your purse goes where you go.  Now, it is important not to make any changes during this few days.  You want to see what your everyday life is like, so that you can look back and see what your day to day routine involves.  I know it is hard to remember to always write it down, just do the best you can.  Remember, this is not about achieving perfection.  It is going to be about different things for different people.  For some it might be weight loss, financials, or just plain boosting self esteem.  It doesn't matter, whatever the cause, it's all about you and helping you feel better about yourself.  Good Luck!!!                

Learning As We Go...

There comes a time in every moms life when we question ourselves.  We question ourselves as mothers, wives, daughters, sisters, and as a friend.  Am I doing this right?  Do I spend enough time with them?  Do they all feel love and protected?  No matter what we do there always seem to be criticism.  To top it all of, that criticism fuels the questions already roaming in our heads.  It's hard being a mom.  They say it is one of the hardest jobs in the world.  The worse part is you don't get a do over if you mess up.  There is no rewind button.  We can only learn from our mistakes and hope that the next step is a better experience.  When the criticisms come from our own children, it makes the sting burn even more.  There is so much riding on whether we make the right choices for our children.  Talk about pressure!  From choosing when to start potty training to when they can start dating.  It all shapes and molds who they become as people.  There is something else that this process has taught me.  Sure it took 18 years to figure it out, but I finally figured it out.  There is no perfect way and what works for one family doesn't always work for another.  You can pick all the right schools, feed them nothing but healthy meals, be a stay at home mom, or a working mom.  It doesn't matter.  Things are not going to be perfect all the time.  It's human nature.  You can blame the difference in personalities.  And if you have more then one child, you are dealing with more then one personality.  My husband and I have always tried to take the kids personality characteristics into account with everything.  However, that has seemed to back fire on us a time or two.  I have read books, visited blogs, and all the things they suggest a parent should do in order to be an "affective" parent.  I hate to admit it, but it was all time wasted.  In the long run, my husband and I have come to the conclusion that we are still (yes, 18 years later) learning as we go.  It doesn't matter that one child has already left the nest, because the two to follow are completely different people.  We are not perfect, and neither are they.  The biggest challenge is in getting them to figure this all out.  They do not understand that they are not the only ones growing through the process.  We are too.  Parenting not only shapes children, it shapes us as well.  Just because we are the parents, doesn't mean we have all the right answers.  Of course, we aren't going to admit that to them.

No, I'm not a perfect mom.  My husband is not a perfect dad.  My children will make mistakes.  In the end, I can only pray that they make the right choices for themselves, or learn from the wrong ones.  I pray daily that my husband and I make the right choices in raising our children.  It makes us feel better knowing that the lord has their backs.  Hopefully, he has ours as well.  We have learned to pick our battles with each of them.  In the end, we are very proud of each of them and feel extremely blessed to have them.  You just have to be willing to accept that there will always be a critic, things will not always be perfect, and you can't be their best friends and their parents.  Pray often, stay involved, and always be willing to listen.  Sometimes, they just need a little reassurance from us that they are on the right road.  The greatest thing is that when they make those right choices, it is God's way of letting us know that we are also traveling the right road.  The most important thing is that they know they are loved and can count on you when they need you.  No body knows your children like you do (yes, there will be those who think they do).  I know that none of this is a great and rare discovery.  Just a thought, if you need it, for the day.  Much love and many blessings!!!!        

Changing Seasons...

I love fall.  I love the colors, the crisp fall air, the comfort that comes with spending time and sharing good food with friends and family, Yes, even football.  This year fall looks a bit different for this family.  We were used to the view of a country setting with miles of changing trees, dirt roads, and wildlife in our back yard.  We are finding that moving into this new house as brought a new picture of fall to us.  We still have changing trees.  However, not as many.  The closest thing to wildlife we have found here are the chipmunks that come up on the front porch and antagonize our poor little shih Tzu (Phoebe).  We traded the dusty dirt road for a nice paved blacktop.  Although we miss the serenity and scenery, we have come to appreciate these newer experiences.  For one thing, there is less mud and dirt being dragged into the house.  I can not tell you how much work this has saved us.  Another thing that we have found is that we absolutely love our new neighborhood.  It is so nice to be around people.  We have all ages in this neighborhood.  I look out and watch some of the younger children playing in the neighborhood and it brings back memories of our own children when they were younger.  Then I look the other direction and see older neighbors and it is like looking into the future 20 years from now.  I guess you could say that everything we have been through in the last 3 years with being ill, moving, and having one of our sons move from home has awakened my thought process. 

It is funny.  When you are young and first starting out, you and your spouse have plans and ideas of what you imagine your life to be like.  Then 15 to 20 years later, you find yourself reflecting and thinking that things turned out so differently then you planned.  Paul and I are learning that isn't such a bad thing.  If things had worked out the way we had planned them in the beginning, I think we would be rather unhappy people today.  Oh sure, there were hard times.  However, we have always operated on the belief that God has a plan for our family and He has always taken care of us.  I have to believe that we are where He wants us to be.  Not sure on the reason, yet.  But I am sure it is for a good purpose.  One thing is for certain, there are more changes going on here then just the seasons.  This family has learned to embrace change.  It's much easier then fighting it.  Turns out it is way more rewarding in the end, too.  For years we were determined to put a house on our own property.  When that didn't work out, we decided to take a different path.  Looking back, it worked out the way it was suppose to.  Like I always say, "God's plan, on God's time, for God's purpose."  

A Blog Makeover

Well, it has been one year that I have been blogging.  It has been so rewarding, therapeutic, and quite the learning experience.  I have decided to get this particular blog back up and running regularly.  I have many new ideas and am very excited for what lies in store.  Over the course of the next few weeks, you will find new pages, content, and pictures posted at least once a week.  Some of you have asked for tips about homemade cleaning products,  exercise and diet, household tips, recipes, and so much more.  I am working on all these.  I hope that you all will find everything very helpful and encouraging.  Let's face it...being a woman is hard and very demanding.  I hope that you will not only find many helpful hints, but a little humor and inspiration as you read.  As I stated, this will be over the course of a few weeks.  I am still going to keep Dustin's Journey running regularly as well.  Yes, I must be insane.  However, I love that so many seem to find something they can relate to.  I also think that life is way to complicated.  Let's face it, who has time to fix seven course meals, run kids, clean house, and go to work everyday.  I probably could , if I didn't ever need to shower, sleep , and to be pleasant.  It is my hope to help you simplify life a bit, or at least, find some enjoyment in it.  So grab a cup of coffee and enjoy.  I will not be deleting any of my old posts.  I find that I still get asked for recipes and what not.  It's just easier to keep it here to refer back to.  Also, feel free to post questions, send messages, and share your own tips.  I am always open to new ideas and positive feedback.  I hope that you will share this blog with your friends and family.  As soon as I can, I will be accompanying the blog with an updated Facebook page.  So, check back often.  Thank you all for your support and your loyalty.  I appreciate and absolutely adore my readers (for both blogs).  I am amazed at the response by all of you.  Have a wonderful day!  Let the adventure begin.  Much love and many blessings!

I'm Back!!

That's right!  This anything but perfect, to some annoying, mother of three is back.  I'd like to say better then ever.  However, given the recent month's activities, better then ever is quite the understatement.  You know that moment you look in the mirror and realize that your biggest fear as come to life.  The hard, "Hello, you ain't as young as you used to be" moment.  That's right!  I had one of those this morning.  Now, I have had them before.  But this mornings was different.  Different how, you ask?  Well, in that very moment I saw what my family was seeing.  Not only did I look tired, but I looked weak, stressed, and sick.  Now, granted I am not the healthiest woman in the world.  No big secret!  However, I have always tried to maintain a certain amount of dignity in my appearance.  Call it vein, call it, self centered, or just plain dumb.  I don't care.  I can not handle the pity look that people give me when they see me like that. Bot only does it make me look sick and weak, but it makes me feel that way, as well.  I have said it before, and I will say it again...I am not one to sit a wallow in self-pity.  And the one image I can not handle is the one of my own children seeing me like this.  So this work in progress is back.  And I do mean work in progress.  However, during this time of adjustment, the Lord has taught me many lessons.  One is that there is healing and love through prayer, family, and friends.  The other is that there is a plan.  We may not see it, but God has one for all of us.  I am still working on seeing the bigger picture, but I truly believe that part of His plan for me is to step outside of my comfort zone and help others.  The really funny thing is that in my attempt to do so, I found a part of myself I had lost for years.  My love of writing.  Now, mind you, I am no Nicholas Sparks.  Probably never will be.  However, I have always loved the power of written expression and the effect it has on people.  So, in my quest for finding a new normal for this fabulous family of mine, I hereby declare war on all things negative.  I will continue to posts new information, and all the things that make this blog as useful and inspirational to you as I can.  Although, far from Pulitzer winning material (unless you laundry stains, housework, and personal hygiene to be such), you are welcome to follow.  I can't promise all the information will be useful to everyone, but I do hope someone can find something to help them get through their day.  The one thing all of us moms have in common is that we are resourceful creatures.  We are good at making what we have work for us.  As I see it, there is nothing more important then finding ways to take care of our homes, our families, ourselves, and finding ways to pay it forward.  Not only that, but let's face it, this new Army mom has time to kill.  Some moms knit, this mom blogs.  Not conventional, I know.  But extremely affective in relieving my stress and very rewarding.  Who knew so much could come from stain removal and baking cookies!  Ha!  Much love and many blessings!!!

             

Keeping Busy

Well, I have decided that in order for me to deal with the recent events in our home, keeping busy seems to be a much better alternative to sitting and wallowing in my sorrows.  So, I have finally gotten my other blog started.  In the future, all up dates on Dustin will be primarily posted to "Dustin's Journey" (http://dustinsjourney.blogspot.com/).  It seemed much easier to keep friends and family up to date this way.  Honestly, there are just so many.  I felt I owed it to them and Dustin to have a designated site.  Let's face it, not all are interested in laundry stain removal, healthy recipes, or what my kids would refer to has "momma stuff".  Again, I thank you all and encourage you to visit the blog.  I will occasionally post references to this site, but it will not be as detailed.  You know?  Blogging started out just being a way for me to explore my passion for creative writing.  It really has become a blessing to me.  It helps me when I know that others can be helped, encouraged, or just plain entertained by what I post. 

Recently, I have experienced some down falls.  My health has been not so great.  Another infection and a lot of added stress.  I am not proud to say smoking has worked its way back into my life.  However, I have a plan for getting back on the wagon.  It involves keeping busy.  This should not be any problem with a new house to move into, thank you letters to write, two teenagers and a husband to keep up with, and work.  One thing I have learned is that it is an addiction that will always linger and is very easy to give in.  Have also learned that addiction is an illness.  I pray for strength and the day I can completely be free of it.  I also know the disappointment in peoples faces (especially my kids) is hard for me to deal with.  Have always tried to be a people pleaser.  It's a drawback I have to work on as well.  If there is one thing I have learned is that the power of prayer is my biggest defense.  So, I continue to pray for myself and other people dealing with this monkey on our backs.

These past couple of weeks have not only been quite the eye opener for me, but for the rest of my family, as well.  I have posted before about it being about God's plan.  Boy!  It is turning out to be a lot different then the plan Paul and I thought it would be.  Somehow, it has turned into more of an adventure.  It seems we never know what is going to happen next.  A great example is the new house we picked out.  Our original plan was to build a house on the 20 acres we own.  Then, due to the economy and housing market, we decided to buy a house.  We must have looked at so many.  Even placed offers on a couple that fell through.  I prayed to the Lord while looking at every house.  Just a simple prayer that if this house wasn't meant to be ours, then show us a sign.  After so many, we finally found one.  It is nothing like what we had originally planned to have.  But somehow, it is perfect.  So far the whole process has gone easier then we expected.  Just a few things to verify with the bank, a water test, and we should be set.  So, it turns out Dustin is not the only one starting a new chapter in his life.  It's so exciting.  At the same time, it seems to help with all the other emotions we are going through right now.

Last but not least, Paul and I have learned the power of community and the blessing of having so much love and support.  We would have never imagined the compassion from this small town that has come since Dustin's enlistment became public.  It has made us so proud of Beaverton and even prouder of the young man Dustin has become.  We had made the decision a long time ago that no matter what it took we were going to raise our family here.  Now we know why.  It really does take a village to raise a child.  We feel that this whole town has helped shaped who our children have become.  God has truly blessed us in more ways then we could have even imagined.  You could even say it has been overwhelming in some ways.  Deuteronomy 28:2 states, "All these blessings will come upon you, and overtake you, if you listen to the Lord your God's voice".  It is so easy for one to turn their back on or question God's presence during times of trial.  Yet it is important during these times to maintain that He will take care of us.  I have always told my husband and kids that He will take care of us.  After the events of this past month, I am truly convinced that this holds true.  The blessings just keep coming in so many different ways.  I could never repay all that people have done for us.  Besides saying thank you, I can only offer our love, prayer, and continued support to this wonderful town.  I am not sure when my next post will be to this blog due to the busy week ahead and my current health state.  Please be patient and know that I will be making it up after Dustin leaves and I feel better.  As I stated before, keeping busy is my goal.  Much love and many blessings.        

 

   

One Day At A Time

Well, as it gets closer, things around here get quieter.  In 12 days our Son will be off to Basic training for the U.S. Army.  He just graduated from high school last Sunday.  Reality is starting to hit.  Unbelievable!  It is hard to believe that he is already grown up.  When the kids were little, Paul and I were criticized by some for making our world revolve around our children.  We never went out, took them everywhere, went without sleep to make activities, and just made everything we did about them.  Today I realize I would never change how we did things for anything in the world.  While some parents sit back and think should have, would have, could have...Paul and I think of all the great memories we created as a family.  Those are the memories that will carry us through this time of worrying and waiting.  I have faith in Dustin and the lessons we have taught him about life in general.  However, as a mother I can not keep the instinct to worry.  If there is one thing in our life Paul and I have learned is that God has a plan, although it may not always be clear to us.  We have never questioned the Lords motives and influences over our family.  He has always held us in his hands, no matter what trials or triumphs we have encountered.  So again, we will trust in His path and accept it.  I know that Dustin will do the same. 

The following year holds many unknowns, changes, and decision making for this family.  Not only does  Dustin enter the world of being an adult, but our daughter is entering her Senior year of high school, and our youngest enters his freshman year.  Am I worried?  I would be lying if I said I wasn't.  But I have faith in them both, as I do with Dustin.  I know that they will make decisions that are wrong ones.  I can only hope that they will choose to learn from them like we taught.  Shelby is starting to look at options for college and making plans for her senior year.  An exciting time for any high school senior.  She has grown into such a beautiful young woman...inside and out.  I just pray that she sees in herself what others do.  Dylan turns 14 this Saturday and is so excited about being in high school.  The day he was born, I held him in my arms and knew that he would make people laugh everyday.  He was meant to spread happiness.  I just pray that he learns the self control he needs to use it in a positive light.

Saturday is Dustin's Open House/Going Away party.  But it is so much more than that.  It is a celebration of accomplishments for everyone, as well as the start of things to come.  My hope is that it is a day of laughter and love.  Tears will fall, but they will be tears of love and joy.  My comfort comes from the fact that although he wishes he had more time with friends and family, Dustin has no regrets about his decision.  We will take this journey has we have every one before...one day at a time.

Romans 8:28  We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose.