Overcoming Fear...

The last few years seem to have been filled with so many hills and valleys for our family. It definitely feels like we spent more time in the valleys, rather then at the top of the hills. I have spent much time, recently, thinking about t...he differences between what I thought my life would be like and what it actually is. Aside from the obvious affects of chronic illness and stress, there is another component that often doesn't reveal itself unless we are brave enough to face it. It's called fear. I don't mean fear in the sense of it makes you feel insecure. I mean fear in the sense that it makes you afraid to move on. I look backed at some of my high school pictures. I saw a girl who had dreams, focus, and determination. However, my more recent photos depict a woman who feels defeated, weak, and afraid. I have spent so much time listening to doctors, friends, and loved ones tell me all the things that I couldn't do, that I stopped telling myself that it was still okay to chase my dreams. I had forgotten that I am a smart, compassionate, great nurse/person who still has a lot of love and compassion to contribute to others. I completely believed I had nothing left to contribute. That I had nothing I could give to help others or myself. Having dreams in life is necessary. I believe that they are Gods way of directing us towards the plans that He has for us. He put them in our heart for a reason. I had forgotten that. I had let all my imperfections chisel away at my self esteem so bad, that I didn't think I could ever achieve the dreams that I had for myself and my life. The wonderful thing is that I have an awesome God to remind me at just the right moment that it is okay to dream. Not only that, but that it is okay to pursue those dreams. You might have to alter your goals and the plans to achieve them, but it is okay to still work towards them. In fact, He wants us to. He wants us to look to Him for the strength and courage to do so. Don't stop trying to achieve what you want in life. Don't let people, illness, or yourself make it so that you are so afraid of failure that you don't even try. It is in the failures that we not only learn our greatest lessons, but that we become stronger . Use the failures and roadblocks to overcome your fears. Just because life threw you a few (or maybe a lot) curve balls, does not mean that God doesn't want you to be happy and achieve your dreams. He wants you to seek His guidance. I have learned that it is more then the fact that He has a plan for us. It is also about the journey. I have promised myself that I no longer am going to let the constant remarks about what I can't do or am incapable of make me afraid to move on with my life, my career, or my future. Instead, I look at them as a way to appreciate everything I achieve even more. I let them motivate me instead of paralyzing me. You can do the same. It doesn't happen overnight . It requires retraining your mind and how you think. It's not easy, but the rewards are worth it...and so are you. Much love and many blessings!

Reflection...

This past couple of weeks have been so hard in so many different ways. Not just for my family and friends, but for our whole community. There seems to be one thing after another that has tested our faith, love, and sense of community. Yet, through all the storms we have endured, this community has stood together and stood strong. God has shown us time and time again that together we are stronger. He has provided us with so much. I often wonder what our life would have been like if I hadn't gotten sick or if we would have moved. I have come to the conclusion that The Lord has kept us here for so many reasons. One of which is to stay close to those we love. Everyday I am grateful for the fact that He did. Even if His plan was not clear 10 or 15 years ago. Part of it is now. I have been spending a lot of time reflecting and seeking direction these days. Yet, even with all of the uncertainty that surrounds my life, I know that God will take care of my family. He always has. Sometimes, it's hard to figure out where to go next. Especially, when there are so many forks on the road. Just have to look to the skies for a little direction. Think of it as a spiritual GPS. One that will never lead you wrong! Much love and many blessings.

There Is Peace...

Just wanted to check base with you all.  (Posting from my phone again, so please forgive any mistakes).  I am hoping that you are being able to find the inspiration you need everyday.  Not just the inspiration to carry on, either.  I am hoping that you are realizing how special you are and that you are beautiful.  You know it is funny how we put so much emphasis on physical beauty in this society.  We tell our daughters beauty comes from within, but then we see all the ads and media show pictures of gorgeous women with perfect anything.  Even though we know that these ads are air brushed and edited,  we still strive to be like those pictures.  We need to stop comparing ourselves to those images, and start comparing ourselves to the image God wants to see us as.  He wants us to be accepting, forgiving, loving, and happy.  When we practice these things toward ourselves, it spills into how we treat others.  It's not about being selfish or self absorbed.  It's about helping others have a positive figure to look up to.  I love that my daughter knows where true beauty comes from.  What I love more is that she knows that God is behind all of it.  That he sees beauty in all, and that she can feel beautiful knowing that she is just the way he wants her to be.  So keep telling yourself that you are beautiful, smart, successful, all of those things.  But then treat yourself as such.  When you do, you will find more confidence in yourself.  It will reflect on your outside appearance and the way you treat others.

Saw an article today that suggested when you focus on yourself, you are not focusing on God.  I have to say that I do not agree with this statement.  Sometimes it is hard to see ourselves as worthy if God and of his love for us.  Sometimes, we look right over Him and forget that he wants what's best for us.  We need to remind ourselves that we are His children and that He loves us just the way we are.  He does not want us to feel bitterness, worthlessness, ugliness, etc.. So, we need to look in the mirror and tell ourselves that, "I am a child of God. I am beautiful to Him.  I am worry if a His love and plans for me ."  If we can not love and believe in ourselves, then we can not give our hearts to others, including Him.  We can start to see and feel the peace in a Gods love once we start believing.

Philippians 4:7  "Then, because you belong to Christ Jesus, God will bless you with peace no one can completely understand.  And this peace will control the way you think and feel."

Working On The Big "D"

So, how did you all do with your personal goals last week?  I did better then I thought I would, I have to admit.  While I didn't drink my extra glass of water everyday, I did manage to drink more then one extra glass on the days I did remember.  In my book, that counts as a success.  Remember what I said.  It isn't about being perfect.  It is about making small improvements that will add up down the road.  It's about making better habits for ourselves that will last long after this year is over.  More importantly, it is about making habits that will help us feel better, inside and out.  That being said, I have thought long and hard about what the next week will be about for myself.  Of course, I will continue to add the extra water to my daily routine.  That has shown to be very beneficial to how I feel.  But I wanted to choose my next step carefully.  This week has proven to be a bit challenging due to this bitter cold we have been experiencing.  Anyone who has RA, chronic lung issues, or other chronic conditions knows that the cold is one of our worst enemies.  For one thing, it is hard to get out of the house without losing breath or joints seizing up.  It also lends itself to extreme fatigue and possible illness.  Rest (and more rest) seems to be the best way to deal with it, for myself.  All of this leads to another issue.  This issue is a bit harder to deal with and can be seen as a result of having chronic illness or just plain living in this sort of climate.  Many healthy people experience it this time of year, even.  There are many different ways to deal with it.  Some ways work for some, other ways work for others. 

That's right.  Get ready for it, because I'm going to type the big "D" out loud.  Depression.  It is the silent assassin that takes our energy, kills our spirit, and leaves us feeling hopeless.  What's worse is that, although you know many people who have gone through it, you feel alone.  It not only leaves a mark on the inside, it also reflects in your overall outward appearance.  Oh sure, there are pills, going to the tanner, eating right, and exercising.  Let's not forget the whole "going to see someone" way of dealing with it.  The point is that these things are great, but they require the initiative to get up and go to the tanner, or go to the doctor and admit we are experiencing depression.  That is the hardest part.  Admitting that we feel like there is no point in getting up in the morning, or for some, getting dressed even.  We are afraid of being judged or being perceived as flawed.  Oh and don't forget the pitiful look that people give you when they find out that is what you are going through.  It is much like the look I receive when people (yes, even doctors) find out about my illnesses.  Honestly, I hate that look.  A little story for you...one night I was in so much pain and so sick I had to go to the ER for help.  Pain meds weren't working, needed an antibiotic, and my family doctor was closed (he is such a blessing).  As I was talking to the doctor about my symptoms, it was clear that he was in a very big hurry.  This was also made very apparent by the fact that he had not had the time to look at my medical history.  (Now, please do not take me wrong.  I was a ER nurse and I know how crazy it can get.  Your lucky if you have time to scratch your nose.  So this is in no way a bash toward the doctor.  He was doing the best he could, with what he had).  When I asked for something for pain, he looked at me like I was an alien.  "Are you having pain," he asked.  This led to a long explanation of what hurt, what I had already taken, and why.  The minute he found out I had Rheumatoid Arthritis, Severe Asthma, and Addison's disease, he started treating me like I had a terminal cancer.  Then, he apologized up and down and basically told me that I was a walking time bomb.  No kidding (something I already knew)?  As if I didn't feel bad enough, I had to actually hear it from another (I have many) doctor.  Talk about depressing.  Anyway, it is pretty much the same look you get when people find out you are suffering from depression.  They want to help, but know deep down it is only a temporary fix.  It's a temporary fix for something that can only really be fixed on the inside.  That is your heart, your mind, and your self esteem.

No tanning bed, pill, or treadmill will help you feel better about yourself if you are constantly telling yourself it is hopeless because you are broken.  If you think that way, then you will see everyday as hopeless.  Here's the good news.  There is a way to fix it.  It's cheap, easy, and you don't even have to go anywhere.  You can even do it with the other things you do to help your depression and not worry about it reacting with them.  The key is you need to tell yourself you are beautiful.  That you are worthy, and that you are not broken.  If having a few flaws is seen as broken, then God made you that way and in His eyes, that makes you perfect.  You need to start telling yourself that you are capable of great things, and that you have a purpose.  You may not know what that purpose is, but how are going to know it if you aren't looking for it.  Oh and you have to do this everyday (maybe several times).  So, my challenge to myself, and those that want to, is to start practicing a little positive affirmation.  I need to look in that mirror everyday and tell myself that I have purpose, that I am worthy, and that I am perfect in God's eyes.  I need to stop trying to figure out why I am broken, and start trying to figure out how I can be a blessing to others.  I need to do my daily devotionals, no matter how tired and beat up I feel.  So this week will be full of much rest, but also much reading, soul searching, and thinking positive.  I will not say I am broken.  Instead, I will say that I am perfect in God's eye's and that makes me beautiful.

 "Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."(Isaiah 41:10)       

The Glue...

Thought for the day...I think I have figured out why moms don't get sick days.  It's not because of all the things there are to get done, or that there are kids and/or husbands to be taken care of.  If we've done our job properly, they could handle it just fine.  It is because moms are the glue.  We are the ones who make all the little pieces of our daily lives come together to create a wonderful, smooth running home.  So the next time your sick and asking yourself why you can't have the day off, remember that without you to put everything in place, it's just a pile of broken pieces.  We don't realize that over the course of many years, our families have become that reliant on us.  My husband is wonderful.  He cooks, cleans, and does a lot for our kids.  However, my daughter has pointed out that when I am not here, it just all falls a part.  You see no one realizes how much the little reminders about doing chores, reminders about appointments, the quick loading of the dishwasher, or anything else we do (behind the scenes) makes our families lives easier.  Even if they don't see it...we do.  I find great satisfaction in it.

Instead, we get upset and just plain worn out when things are so disorderly after we have had to take to our beds for a day.  I have decided to look at it a different way.  The way I see it, if they didn't need me or appreciate me, things would run better when I was absent.  I have come to see all the chores, hounding about homework, picking up after everyone as a blessing.  It gives me a sense of purpose and reminds me how important my role is as a parent and a wife.  God has shown me that, sometimes, a day off is a way for me to see my importance.  You can't put a price tag on a mothers/wife's love.  This makes us women priceless to our families.  Remember this the next time you compare yourself to the maid or taxi driver.  Sure they might get paid for their services.  However, they get paid one day and the money is gone the next.  We mothers/wives get paid in a much more rewarding way.  The investment lasts a lifetime. 

Holiday Hangover...

I often refer to January as the hangover after the holiday season.  May sound funny, but if you think about it...it fits.  We spend the first month of the new year putting our houses back in order, recovering financially, and tired from the holidays and the recovery process.  We are busy making room for all the new toys our kids received, worrying about the pounds we put on, and making resolutions to make the coming year a better one.  For me, it also included making changes to my blogs.  Not even two weeks into 2014, and I am spent.  However, Paul and I decided to stick with a theme this year, instead of making specific resolutions.  The theme this year is to make it a "Healthy" one.  Not just physically, but financially, spiritually, and in other areas of our life.  I have to admit that it seems a lot less intimidating then having a list of specific things sitting in front of me.  This year it isn't about losing 30 pounds.  I'd be happy if I was three pounds down by the end of this year.  It's not about spending more time with my family (which is something I always thrive for anyway).  It's about making the most of the time we spend together.  I think you get the picture.  So, I have committed to making one small change every week or two, that I can stick to.  It could be as little as drinking an extra glass of water a day, or as big as working out 30 minutes a day.  The goal here is that it has to be something I know I can stick to.  It also has to be something I know I can build on over the year.  For example, I might decide to save my change everyday.  In a couple of months I might decide to put back my change and an extra dollar everyday.  It's not a huge amount, but it is more then I was saving in the beginning. 

My challenge is for you to do the same.  The important thing to remember is that sometimes smaller, more attainable goals, are easier to stick to then big ones.  Over a course of time, they are more likely to become healthier habits and result in better lifestyles.  It took me a long time to remember that.  It is also easier on us physically and mentally if we mess up and have to start again.  So what if you forgot to drink that glass of water yesterday.  You just pick right back up where you left off.  You're not going to beat yourself up over that as much.  Healthy lifestyles are important, but we need to remember that that comes with time and involves all aspects of our lives.  The more confident you are, the more likely you are to continue to make those small changes every week.  Most importantly, is the reward.  The reward isn't that you will be 20 pounds lighter (well, maybe a little).  The reward is the way you will feel about yourself.  When you feel good about yourself, you make others feel good too.  So there...you not only made your year better, but you also made someone else feel good about themselves.  I wish you all good luck in however you decide to reach your goals this year.  It's going to be your best year yet.  Stop thinking about how your family is worth it and your friends are worth it.  Start thinking that you are worth it.  When you realize this about yourself, friends and family will automatically benefit from it.