So, how did you all do with your personal goals last week? I did better then I thought I would, I have to admit. While I didn't drink my extra glass of water everyday, I did manage to drink more then one extra glass on the days I did remember. In my book, that counts as a success. Remember what I said. It isn't about being perfect. It is about making small improvements that will add up down the road. It's about making better habits for ourselves that will last long after this year is over. More importantly, it is about making habits that will help us feel better, inside and out. That being said, I have thought long and hard about what the next week will be about for myself. Of course, I will continue to add the extra water to my daily routine. That has shown to be very beneficial to how I feel. But I wanted to choose my next step carefully. This week has proven to be a bit challenging due to this bitter cold we have been experiencing. Anyone who has RA, chronic lung issues, or other chronic conditions knows that the cold is one of our worst enemies. For one thing, it is hard to get out of the house without losing breath or joints seizing up. It also lends itself to extreme fatigue and possible illness. Rest (and more rest) seems to be the best way to deal with it, for myself. All of this leads to another issue. This issue is a bit harder to deal with and can be seen as a result of having chronic illness or just plain living in this sort of climate. Many healthy people experience it this time of year, even. There are many different ways to deal with it. Some ways work for some, other ways work for others.
That's right. Get ready for it, because I'm going to type the big "D" out loud. Depression. It is the silent assassin that takes our energy, kills our spirit, and leaves us feeling hopeless. What's worse is that, although you know many people who have gone through it, you feel alone. It not only leaves a mark on the inside, it also reflects in your overall outward appearance. Oh sure, there are pills, going to the tanner, eating right, and exercising. Let's not forget the whole "going to see someone" way of dealing with it. The point is that these things are great, but they require the initiative to get up and go to the tanner, or go to the doctor and admit we are experiencing depression. That is the hardest part. Admitting that we feel like there is no point in getting up in the morning, or for some, getting dressed even. We are afraid of being judged or being perceived as flawed. Oh and don't forget the pitiful look that people give you when they find out that is what you are going through. It is much like the look I receive when people (yes, even doctors) find out about my illnesses. Honestly, I hate that look. A little story for you...one night I was in so much pain and so sick I had to go to the ER for help. Pain meds weren't working, needed an antibiotic, and my family doctor was closed (he is such a blessing). As I was talking to the doctor about my symptoms, it was clear that he was in a very big hurry. This was also made very apparent by the fact that he had not had the time to look at my medical history. (Now, please do not take me wrong. I was a ER nurse and I know how crazy it can get. Your lucky if you have time to scratch your nose. So this is in no way a bash toward the doctor. He was doing the best he could, with what he had). When I asked for something for pain, he looked at me like I was an alien. "Are you having pain," he asked. This led to a long explanation of what hurt, what I had already taken, and why. The minute he found out I had Rheumatoid Arthritis, Severe Asthma, and Addison's disease, he started treating me like I had a terminal cancer. Then, he apologized up and down and basically told me that I was a walking time bomb. No kidding (something I already knew)? As if I didn't feel bad enough, I had to actually hear it from another (I have many) doctor. Talk about depressing. Anyway, it is pretty much the same look you get when people find out you are suffering from depression. They want to help, but know deep down it is only a temporary fix. It's a temporary fix for something that can only really be fixed on the inside. That is your heart, your mind, and your self esteem.
No tanning bed, pill, or treadmill will help you feel better about yourself if you are constantly telling yourself it is hopeless because you are broken. If you think that way, then you will see everyday as hopeless. Here's the good news. There is a way to fix it. It's cheap, easy, and you don't even have to go anywhere. You can even do it with the other things you do to help your depression and not worry about it reacting with them. The key is you need to tell yourself you are beautiful. That you are worthy, and that you are not broken. If having a few flaws is seen as broken, then God made you that way and in His eyes, that makes you perfect. You need to start telling yourself that you are capable of great things, and that you have a purpose. You may not know what that purpose is, but how are going to know it if you aren't looking for it. Oh and you have to do this everyday (maybe several times). So, my challenge to myself, and those that want to, is to start practicing a little positive affirmation. I need to look in that mirror everyday and tell myself that I have purpose, that I am worthy, and that I am perfect in God's eyes. I need to stop trying to figure out why I am broken, and start trying to figure out how I can be a blessing to others. I need to do my daily devotionals, no matter how tired and beat up I feel. So this week will be full of much rest, but also much reading, soul searching, and thinking positive. I will not say I am broken. Instead, I will say that I am perfect in God's eye's and that makes me beautiful.
"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."(Isaiah 41:10)
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