My New Fear...Time To Myself

As a young adult weight, time, and health were not things that I concerned myself with.  I ate what I wanted, and never worried about the consequences.  The same thing goes for my everyday life.  I worked long shifts and overschefuled myself never worrying about the effect it would have on my body.  Those were the days.  Unfortunately, they didn't last long.  It all caught up with me the hard way.  Fast forward 20 years later and I realize just how much I took advantage of being "young and healthy".  I have experienced many setbacks.  Some more difficult then others.  However, somewhere deep down inside I have found the strength to get through it all.  Many lessons have been learned.  The biggest lesson is that it doesn't just happen with a pill, a special diet, or even seeing the best doctors in the country.  It is a combination off all of it, a fighting spirit, an awesome support system, wonderful medical care, and faith that God is by my side every step of the way.  Even in my darkest moments.

However, now that I have seized control of all that, I find my self approaching several milestones. Some that i have found are a lot more challenging then others.  The blessing of being over forty (not something I was quick to embrace).  That time in every parents life when we set our children off into this big world on their own.  We have gained a besutiful daughter in law and soon a son inlaw.  I love them just as my own.  Then the biggest of all.  Time.  Time, you ask?  That's right...time by myself, time with my husband, and time to sit and drive myself crazy.  Now, if you are anything like me, you can't stand more then three days with your husband. I love the man to death and thank God everyday that I have him in my life.  However, we have always been so busy with kids that time ALONE, TOGETHER was like winning the lottery.  Now, we have so much time together that we drive each other crazy.  Of course, it doesn't help that neither one of us can stay still.  This is all with one teenager still home for a couple of years.  I am afraid that once the youngest is out, one of us will be admitted to the nearest mental health unit.  That would be even worse and just prove to my critics that i truly am out if my mind.  I can not have that, even uf there are days i believe it myself.  This brings me to my final fear...TIME BY MYSELF.

If you are a mom (and I think most are), you know what I am talking about.  Remember those days of not being able to go to the bathroom alone?  Well, now we find ourselves drowning in silence.  Now, how each one of us deals with this change is different.  Some might pick up another hobby, work more hours, or delight in it all and do nothing.  In my case, I have decided to make the most of it.  While my health is improving, it will never be the same as it was 20 years ago.  Therefore, I realize I have to be careful in the activities I participate in.  Exercise is great, and I love it.  Unfortunately, I have to pace myself, so doing extra workouts isn't really an option.  For me, the best decision, and the one that makes the most sense is to go back to school and finish my Bachelors and Masters in Nursing.  So, I have been looking into online programs that will allow me to have a minor in ministry.   The choices are a bit iverwhelming.  I have my work cut out for me. I feel nursing is a ministry in its self.  I want to focus on showing my patients that spiritual medicine and scientific medicine are best when practiced together.  I know there are some that will roll their eyes, but I am living proof that this is true.  I just want to pay it forward.  So, that combined with pursuing my writing should keep me busy.  If it doesnt, I guess there is always the mental health unit.  Maybe they will give me one if those white jackets that will allow me to hug myself continally.  Now that would be cute, and a bit too much self love for me. 

I hope that you find what you are passionate about and able to pursue it.  Life is to short to waste time just going through the motions or sitting with our minds spinning because if the silence around us.  Listen to your inner voice and do what makes you happy.  God plants those aspirations on our hearts for a reason.  Whether to teach us something about ourselves or about others.  Much love and many blesdings.

Conquering...

I am sitting here tonight with so much on my mind.  It hasn't exactly been the best of the last couple of days.  Fighting allergies, asthma, and, once again, the ever so present arthritis flare that comes with all of it.  However, I can't help but think about how lucky I am.  Yes, some days are so hard.  As a dear friend reminded me earlier, it is so hard to be who everyone expects you to be when you are struggling with pain, disease, and the defeat that comes with it all.  Despite all that, I have learned that during these moments, it is important to remember the positives in my life.  There are so many blessings.  My family is my greatest blessing.  A husband who not only makes me feel special, but shows me everyday how much I am loved.  Children who understand that mom is not like all the other moms, but offers them something many moms can't.  A view through the eyes of a woman who has suffered and continues to fight on and survive it all with style, grace, and a continued faith in God.  Friends who are my family and care for me and my loved ones as if we were all from the same family tree.  

These are the things I focus on when times are hard.  Through these thoughts, it is where I hear Gods voice telling me to keep fighting.  To ignore the people who have told me I can't do it.  It is my success that will be the lasting image that shows them how wrong they were.  To prove to the ones who have called me self absorbed or questioned my actions that others can be inspired and lifted up, instead of ridiculed and judged poorly.  Life has taught me so many valuable lessons.  Lessons some will not have the privilege of ever learning.  I am sad for them, really.  These are lessons that a person passes on long after they are gone.  In these thoughtful moments, it is where I take a deep breath, pick myself up, and find my energy to keep on going.  It's not always easy.  In fact, it's always extremely hard.  Yet, I do it.  I keep God as my copilot and together we conquer the day.  When it's over, I am sore, tired, and can barley move...but my heart and soul are happy and proud of what I accomplished.  Do I care what others see?  Yes, because I don't like looking weak.  However, I do like victory.  It is that victorious feeling that makes me want to say, "I showed you!"  Then tomorrow, I will do it all over again...until the day I can't anymore.  Much love and many blessings!

Fantastic Footies!

For all you ladies who have been struggling this winter with dry cracked feet, there is hope.  I discovered this lotion purely by accident.  I was shopping at Rite Aid and they were running an Ups Reward special on Curel brand items.  After discovering that what I was looking for was sold out, I went to look for another item and found this one.  It is Curel Foot Therapy.  Figured it couldn't hurt to try.  Can I just say...I love this lotion.  For one thing, it is not greasy and sinks right into your feet.  Another thing is the smell.  It is a very nice scent that doesn't cause that odor when your feet start sweating.  I know you all know what I am talking about.  Yes, we women get smelly feet too.  It's time to come out of denial.  I checked the ingredients and found coconut, citrus fruits, olive, and other natural ingredients.  So, give it a try.  It's time to start thinking about sandal season!

Middle Aged Woman Rant!!!

Sitting here on my night off.  I keep my midnight schedule, even on my nights off.  It's just a lot less hectic on my body.  So, in a frantic search to find inspiration for my next blog post, I started searching "middle-aged women" on the Internet.  Instead of inspiration, I found it to be a rather depressing subject.  Oh there was plenty of information, stories, and humor to be found.  There is the middle aged divorced woman.  The middle aged single woman.  The stay at home middle aged woman, who lives on a bugdet.  My personal favorite...50 things middle aged women are doing wrong.  Well first of all, I am not divorced.  Nope, I married my high school sweetheart and still happily married.  So that rules out single and divorced.  As for being a stay at home mom living in a budget...I work full time.  Because it is my choice.  Tried the stay at home mom and wanted to hang myself.  Kudos to those who can do it.  It truly isn't easy.  By the way, don't we all live on a budget. I mean, the last I knew, the cost of living is still going up and I am not getting any younger or richer.  As for 50 things I am doing wrong, I am so happy for the improvement.  After all, I can only name about a 100 of them in my early adulthood.

Seriously, why must the beginning of middle age be such a downer.  If you aren't already depressed by entering it, you only have to search the Internet, grab a glass, and a bottle of wine, and cuddle up with your tissues.  Oh but wait!  You'll be prone to carpal tunnel, ruin your liver, and your friends and family will want you to be on Prozac.  Why does getting older have to be such a bad thing?  I feel the best that I have felt in years.  Yes, despite my illnesses.  I can go to the bathroom without an audience.  I suffer from sleep deprivation because, for the first time in years, I stayed up too late watching a whole movie or reading a whole book without interruption.  I can go shopping and step into a dressing room knowing that I am not a perfect size 2.  The best thing is...I am 41 and no one expects me to be.  I can speak my mind and feel comfortable in doing so.  Many may not approve of my blogging, but here I have a voice.  A voice that speaks for many women my age...not just myself.  Someday, those same women will be in our shoes and be grateful someone said all the things they are thinking.

Yes, my children are almost all grown, my waistline is bigger, my body is far from perfect, I say what's on my mind, and I still wake up next to the same snoring man everyday for over 20 years.  What is wrong with all that?  Not a darn thing.  So stop picking on women between 40 and 60.  Seriously, if you stopped to actually get to know us, you might be inspired and find much wisdom.  This is all regardless of our age, marital status, or wether or not we are rich or married.  We aren't that bad...really!

To Every Time There Is A Season...

Very recently, one of my very dear friends lost her battle with cancer.  She was an awesome woman and had so much strength.  I remember thinking that if anyone could beat this horrible disease, it would be her.  However, just before Christmas, she went home to be with our Heavenly Father.  We all watched and we're just amazed at the picture of courage and strength she had become to us all.  There are nights I miss her terribly.  She was always there to help me feel better.  Somehow, with as different as our illnesses were, we had common ground.  The battles were different, but the effects were much the same.  I sit back and think about those conversations.  You see, cancer may have weakened her body.  Yet, it never weakened her heart.  She was always full of encouragement and concern for everybody else.  How selfless she was just amazed me.  It isn't the first time I had lost a loved one to this terrible disease.  But it was the first time it had affected me in a way I can not explain.  So, today I find myself having to face, yet another person in my life battling this terrible disease.  I haven't seen him in a while and know I have to.  Yet, the sorrow and fear associated with my friends passing has me so scared.  Scared to get close again.  I just feel like every good person in my life has been taken from me due to this disease.  From my grandmother to my friends to my family.  It's so hard.  I, in no way, could ever compare my pain and sorrow with what his wife and children are going through.  It is just the thought that you are helpless against this disease.  I am a nurse.  My job is to make people better.  Unfortunately, I struggle with the fact that we can't always fix them. 

The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 3,"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven...".  I read this and know that it is true.  It is one of the many things we all have in common as humans.  It just seems that some seasons are longer then others and a lot harder to get through.  We go through life celebrating birthdays, holidays, special occasions, and all the wonderful accomplishments our lives bring to us and our loved ones.  Then, time just seems to stand still when we have to deal with disease, loss, and times of hardship.  The people around us move on with their lives, and those most affected struggle to just get through every hour.  It is this grand experience we call life.  The good, the bad, and the ugly.  But somewhere buried deep inside it all is some of the most beautiful, unforgettable, and life changing moments that make going on worth it.  It's the hope that tomorrow will be a better day.  The appreciation of the blessings we have been given.  Life didn't come with a blueprint.  The closest thing we have is our spiritual GPS...The bible and our faith in God.  Because something's we just have to put Him in the drivers seat for.  Much love and many blessings!

Top Five Beauty Products For 2014!!!

 

Well, I spent much of last year trying to reverse damage from illness or meds (we will not mention age), and trying to help myself gain some self confidence back.  In the process, I found many products that I absolutely love.  I have seen many bloggers do a top ten or a top 14 for 2014.  I decided to be different.  I decided to choose just five.  My criteria?  First of all, it had to be something that I would not want to be without and actually worked.  Secondly, it had to be readily available and cheap.  So, after much deliberation, these are the five that I have come up with.  (Top Left):  Studio 35 Beauty is found at Walgreens.  It is an Alpha Hydroxy Acid and can be used with your regular facial moisturizer.  It is wonderful.  I did notice my discolorations get lighter and my fine lines get less noticeable.  Best of all, it is around $8 for a huge jar.  The only down side is that it reminds me of Elmer's glue, but the smell disappears almost right away.  Beauty knows no pain, Ladies!!!  (Bottom Left):  Queen Helene Mint Julep Masque is an excellent treatment to use a couple of times a week to help keep breakouts away and your skin feeling fresh.  It is around $3 or $4 at Dollar General for a huge tube.  After you are done, your skin will feel tingly and fresh.  Love this.  (Bottom Right):  Aussie 3 Minute Miracle is a great way to keep dry hair looking shiny and feeling soft.  My hair is processed and my meds cause much breakage, as well.  this has made a huge difference.  I can actually comb through my hair with a comb and no tangles.  I purchase mine at Dollar General for less then $5.  (Top Right):  Boost It High Lift Creation Spray by L'Oreal is a little more expensive then the previous products.  It is between $6 and $8 at various drugstores.  However, I purchase mine at Rite Aid when they are on sale.  I use coupons and my Up Rewards.  Many times, I can get it for free.  I have thin hair and need the lift.  I just spray it at my roots and I look like I have the hair of a teenagers again.  So much volume that stays with me all day.  I do not use a lot, so this can has lasted forever.  It is used in conjunction with my everyday hairspray.  (Middle):  The 24 Hour Color Tattoos by Maybelline are awesome.  Not sure what they are full price because I only buy them on sale, with coupons, and my Up Rewards at Rite Aid.  They are very pigmented and last all day.  So much so that if I don't take my makeup off before I go to bed, it is still in place when I wake up.  I just use my finger for application and it only takes a few minutes to do my eye makeup.  Love these!!!  So, there you have it.  The five products I found in 2014 that I will not be without.  I know that some might think that this is useless information.  However, there are some that will find it very helpful.  Just because we get older, doesn't mean we stop caring about how we look.  In fact, some of us get more self conscious about taking care of ourselves.  Let's face it...they aren't passing out facelifts at Walmart as the Bluelight Special.  Even if they were, it's invasive and has side effects.  So, I look for products to help me make the most of what I have, cover up what I don't, and fake it on a bad day.  Ahhh!  The wonderful magic of good makeup, skincare, and hair products.  With the gift of these products, we can even convince ourselves we don't look as bad as we feel sometimes.



The Over 40 Category!

So, today I find myself in the over 40 category.  No, that is not a bad thing!  At one time I thought it would be.  Once I was diagnosed with the Addisons and Arthritis, I thought my life would go down hill.  Sure I have bad days.  Sometimes, a lot of them.  Yes, my body isn't ever going to be the same.  But, today, I find myself in a place I once thought I would never be.  Today, on my 41st birthday, I find myself counting my many blessings and happier then I have been in a very long time.  I have a job I love, friends and family I adore, kids who are growing into fine young adults, a husband I couldn't imagine my life without, a blog I have worked hard on and am proud of, a God who loves me and is with me everyday, and so much more.  Even with all the bad things that I have been through in the past 3 years, I am still standing.  Standing strong and feeling hopeful.  The season in my life I once saw as an ending, I now see as a new beginning.  Isn't that funny?  It goes to show that the Lord has a plan in everything He brings into our lives.  In the end, it's not about having everything we want.  It's about appreciating everything we are blessed with and how we treat and use them.  I am so very blessed.  No, my life isn't perfect.  But in my life, there are perfect moments.  I wouldn't change a thing.  Much love and many blessings.