It's here. The annual camping weekend for Paul and the boys. Every year they go the last weekend in April because it is the opening season of trout fishing. Usually, I look so forward to it because it is the one weekend that Shelby and I get to spend the weekend together. Well, this year the church had a special trip planned. It's called Acquire the Fire, and she probably won't get another chance to ever go. For those of you who are not familiar with ATF, it is a super energized event with many speakers, worship, and many of the top Christian Music artists. I encouraged her to go. It is a great opportunity for any teen. Anyway, I was a little bummed about being by myself. Then I started thinking of all the things I could get done. I even started a list the length of my arm long. Apparently, my body had other plans. I woke up this morning and was so sore I could hardly get out of bed. My arthritis has been flaring for the last two weeks, and I am still struggling physically. So that put my list on hold. I thought to myself, now what. It is so beautiful and even if I can't be in the sun, I don't want to waste this precious time. Then I started thinking about Dustin's graduation, Prom, moving, and Dustin leaving in June. There was so much to be done. Lord, how was I going to get it all done in time. I suddenly felt overwhelmed, stressed, and anxious. As He always does, my answer came has I was texting my daughter. She said, "Mom, don't over do it." I started thinking, and she was right. I always overdo it. The old me would have gone from the time everyone left to the time they all came back to get it all done. Then I would have spent three days trying to recover. Unfortunately, my body can not do that anymore. I do not recover like I used to and usually end up sick and worse then I was before I got started.
I looked at my list to figure out the things that had to be done right away and the things that could wait. I noticed that there were three things missing. Prayer, time in the Word, and meditation. In my quest to be productive, I seemed to have missed an even bigger and more important opportunity. I seemed to have missed the thought that this was a perfect weekend to work on my relationship with God. In all of my busy-ness, I almost missed the best opportunity to possibly hear some of the answers to the prayers I had been praying. I immediately set my list to the side and started a new list. The first three things on it were prayer, reading my Bible, and meditate. After I finished my list, I looked at it and was overcome with a more peaceful and calm feeling. I almost instantly opened up my Bible and decided that wherever it opened I would start reading. The result: Psalm 94:19 "When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul." Okay, lesson received. I had forgotten that God's love and loyalty will help me make sure everything falls in place and gets done. My lapse in memory led to my anxiety.
I am sure that this weekend will lead to alot of "Aha" moments. Some good, some bad. But at least I took the time to slow down and receive His messages. In such a fast paced world, we need to slow down and take time for our families, ourselves, and our Lord. Sure you can get the latest Bible study app for your phone, or attend a weekly Bible study. Those are fine and great tools for staying in touch with God. Church on Sunday is also a wonderful time to gather and take time to praise God. But what about the one on one, quality time with God. Whether it is once a day or once a week, we need time to seek, praise, and listen. You might be surprised at the results. You might not get anything out of it. One thing is for sure, you won't know if you don't try. Much love and many blessings.
Friday, April 26, 2013
Monday, April 15, 2013
Finding My Faith, Again!!!
It has been a very confusing, trying, and worrisome couple of months in our home. My health has been anything but optimal. We have been trying to decide what to do about a new house. Plans have gotten underway to celebrate our oldest child's (Dustin) High School graduation. As hard as it all was, we were managing fine. Emotionally, physically, spiritually, and financially. Things were good. Then all of a sudden, as they say, "When it rains, it pours." About two month's I started asking Dustin what his plans were for college, assuming of course, that he was planning on attending a local community college for a couple of years and then move on. I mean, we hadn't really talked about anything else, not since his freshman year, anyway. Literally a week later, he walked in the door after school, and said he was going to a Future Soldiers meeting the next day and was pretty sure he was going to join the Army. For those of you that don't know, Dustin had brought this up his freshman year. At that time we had managed to put the subject on the back burner. He would only mention it in conversation once in a while. Yet, never gave us a reason to take him serious. A week later, he was enlisted and making decisions at 18 most 30 year olds don't need to make. The fact that he joined the Army wasn't the thing that set me off. It was that he is leaving June 3rd (two weeks after graduation). Add that to what he picked for a MOS (occupation) and you have mom's nervous breakdown. Dustin choose to be a Fire Support Specialist. From the Go Army website he "leads, supervises, or serves in intelligence activities including target processing in FA cannon battalions, division artillery, artillery and maneuver brigade and Corps headquarters and Fire Support Elements." Mom's definition, "sets up targets and decides where the cannons shoot". Regardless, it is a great possibility that he will be on the front lines. Not what every mother dreams of for their child as they are rocking them to sleep at age 2.
For Paul and I, it was very important that we knew this is really what he wanted to do. We have never preached to our children about becoming doctors or lawyers. We only encouraged them to pick professions that made them happy, and to be the best they could at it. I want my children to have the same feeling I have when they get out of work at the end of the day. I love being a nurse and wouldn't change what I do for anything. After many long talks and even more tears, we are very confident that this is what he is meant to do. It is in his blood and, quite honestly, suites him very well. He has promised me that he is happy with his choice and I have promised him that I will be the best darned Army mom on the planet. In keeping with that promise, I also promised him that I would keep family and friends updated on him the best I could. I will be starting a sister blog to this one named "Dustin's Journey". It will help journal his experience, educate everyone, and keep everyone up to date. I am hoping it will come in handy for other military parents. Paul and I have been asked so many questions we don't even have answer to ourselves. I am constantly looking things up and think it would be easier to just pass on what we learn as we learn it. The end of the month is my goal, and I will post a link when it is up and running.
This with trying to find a new house, dealing with medical issues, and graduation itself was enough to try my sanity and faith. Then Dustin lost a dear friend. They grew up together. I thought for sure I was going to lose it. We had known this boy his whole life. There was one point I was worried for my own sons future. The only thing worse then going through the loss of a loved one yourself, is watching your child go through it. My faith had dwindled to just about nothing. I really didn't know how to make it better for him. Then one day I found a Bible verse some where. Can't even remember where. It was Matthew 17:20 " He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." I started praying. I prayed everyday, sometimes two or three times a day. A few days later, Dustin came home and said he was helping to raise money for his friends family. As he took part in these activities, I could see healing through it. Watching him move on, helped me move on. I started seeing his enlistment in a different light. I started seeing it as God's way of using Dustin for good, and not a way of taking Dustin away from me. Even if he was thousands of miles away, I still have my son. I see now all the good God can do through such a kind heart. The Army is God's way of taking all that love, compassion, and giving in Dustin's heart and making sure many (not a few) lives are touched by it. I am so proud of him, and proud to call myself an "Army Mom".
I have been praying ever since. This afternoon, I came across the same verse and read it again. It had even more meaning and truth behind it. That little seed of faith I had turned my heart and my son around. It also strengthened my own relationship with God. It is not a lesson I have taken lightly. I can not say with certain that my faith will never be tested again. But I can say before I get to the point I was, I need to turn to God. Prayer, the Bible, and faith are my combat plan. With these three things, I can place anything in God's hands. And I have. I have accepted my health for what it is. and you know what? A house doesn't make a home. It is the people in it. The right house will come along, whether we build or buy already existing. It's about putting our own expectations, wants, and timeline aside for God to show us His. God Bless and Many Blessings.
For Paul and I, it was very important that we knew this is really what he wanted to do. We have never preached to our children about becoming doctors or lawyers. We only encouraged them to pick professions that made them happy, and to be the best they could at it. I want my children to have the same feeling I have when they get out of work at the end of the day. I love being a nurse and wouldn't change what I do for anything. After many long talks and even more tears, we are very confident that this is what he is meant to do. It is in his blood and, quite honestly, suites him very well. He has promised me that he is happy with his choice and I have promised him that I will be the best darned Army mom on the planet. In keeping with that promise, I also promised him that I would keep family and friends updated on him the best I could. I will be starting a sister blog to this one named "Dustin's Journey". It will help journal his experience, educate everyone, and keep everyone up to date. I am hoping it will come in handy for other military parents. Paul and I have been asked so many questions we don't even have answer to ourselves. I am constantly looking things up and think it would be easier to just pass on what we learn as we learn it. The end of the month is my goal, and I will post a link when it is up and running.
This with trying to find a new house, dealing with medical issues, and graduation itself was enough to try my sanity and faith. Then Dustin lost a dear friend. They grew up together. I thought for sure I was going to lose it. We had known this boy his whole life. There was one point I was worried for my own sons future. The only thing worse then going through the loss of a loved one yourself, is watching your child go through it. My faith had dwindled to just about nothing. I really didn't know how to make it better for him. Then one day I found a Bible verse some where. Can't even remember where. It was Matthew 17:20 " He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." I started praying. I prayed everyday, sometimes two or three times a day. A few days later, Dustin came home and said he was helping to raise money for his friends family. As he took part in these activities, I could see healing through it. Watching him move on, helped me move on. I started seeing his enlistment in a different light. I started seeing it as God's way of using Dustin for good, and not a way of taking Dustin away from me. Even if he was thousands of miles away, I still have my son. I see now all the good God can do through such a kind heart. The Army is God's way of taking all that love, compassion, and giving in Dustin's heart and making sure many (not a few) lives are touched by it. I am so proud of him, and proud to call myself an "Army Mom".
I have been praying ever since. This afternoon, I came across the same verse and read it again. It had even more meaning and truth behind it. That little seed of faith I had turned my heart and my son around. It also strengthened my own relationship with God. It is not a lesson I have taken lightly. I can not say with certain that my faith will never be tested again. But I can say before I get to the point I was, I need to turn to God. Prayer, the Bible, and faith are my combat plan. With these three things, I can place anything in God's hands. And I have. I have accepted my health for what it is. and you know what? A house doesn't make a home. It is the people in it. The right house will come along, whether we build or buy already existing. It's about putting our own expectations, wants, and timeline aside for God to show us His. God Bless and Many Blessings.
Sunday, April 7, 2013
A New Leaf...
Well, I have finally gotten to the point where I have time to work on this blog a little bit. I know what you are thinking. It's about time. What can I say, just like all of you, I am a victim of only so many hours in a day. Recently, I had been thinking about trying to be a little more aware of what we are cleaning with, eating, and using on and in our bodies. It got me thinking when a few days ago, Shelby (my daughter) and I were cleaning house. I used some Commercial cleaner to clean the bottom of my screen door. Just as I finished our Shih Tzu decided she was going to try and lick the door. We caught her in time, but it really made us nervous about using cleaners around her. I went from thinking about that to what my kids are using and eating. Well, needless to say, that very same day a friend of mine posted a recipe for homemade laundry soap. So, I started researching different recipes and other cleaners. What I found out that many of these are safer for everyone, and the ingredients many of us have in our homes. What better time to start trying some of these recipes. It is Spring and there is a lot of Spring cleaning to be done.
It opened my eyes a little bit to how many resources God provides for us, but because of time and convenience, we over look them. This does not just apply to cleaning products, but food, health and beauty items, and so many other things. Now, I wouldn't jump the gun and say, "We are going completely green in the Crowl house." But I would say that I plan on introducing more natural and economical items and ways of doing things into this family slowly. I figured, not only would we save a little money, but we might save the effects on our bodies and the environment. I remember once hearing someone say if you look at an ingredient list and can not pronounce the ingredients, then don't use it. I've also heard the shorter the list, the better. Well, we will see. Conversion is often easier said then done. This is why I think a little at a time is best. Not to mention, I am not willing to go through my cupboards and throw out everything. To me, that's an even bigger waste of money (plus the cupboards would be bare). I was almost out of laundry soap, friend posted a recipe for some, and I had the time on my hands. Therefore, laundry was my starting point. I have posted the recipes onto the Homemaking page. Feel free to adjust what, how, and amount. This is only an example of what I used.
It opened my eyes a little bit to how many resources God provides for us, but because of time and convenience, we over look them. This does not just apply to cleaning products, but food, health and beauty items, and so many other things. Now, I wouldn't jump the gun and say, "We are going completely green in the Crowl house." But I would say that I plan on introducing more natural and economical items and ways of doing things into this family slowly. I figured, not only would we save a little money, but we might save the effects on our bodies and the environment. I remember once hearing someone say if you look at an ingredient list and can not pronounce the ingredients, then don't use it. I've also heard the shorter the list, the better. Well, we will see. Conversion is often easier said then done. This is why I think a little at a time is best. Not to mention, I am not willing to go through my cupboards and throw out everything. To me, that's an even bigger waste of money (plus the cupboards would be bare). I was almost out of laundry soap, friend posted a recipe for some, and I had the time on my hands. Therefore, laundry was my starting point. I have posted the recipes onto the Homemaking page. Feel free to adjust what, how, and amount. This is only an example of what I used.
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