New Beginnings...

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about all the changes that are taking place in our life.  It seems like just yesterday we were planning for proms, graduations, weekends with a house full of teenagers, and after school activites.  Those days seemed so crazy and full of chaos back then.  Today they seem like they were a million years ago.  They are nothing but memories, now.  Sweet, precious memories that will always stay close to my heart.  Today is a different story.  As a soon to be empty nester, it can be very challenging to transition to the changes that come with having children become adults.  There are the adjustments to the silence, the free time, and even to the reduction in laundry and household chores.  Although we still have a very active, soon to be 16 year old at home, the house seems empty.  Even he is having a bit of a hard time adjusting to it.  Our yongest has never been alone.  He is looking at two years of being the only child at home, with a soldier brother, and an Air Force spouse sister located acrossed the country.  Not in the same direction, I might add.  So, has hard has it is for us, we are trying to keep things in perspective for him.  Our children have always been close.  We know this is a hard adjustment for him.

One thing we have done, for him, is to try and focus on the fact that he is going to be an only child.  Which, by the way, comes with a certain amount of benefits.  No fighting over the bathroom, mom and dad's full attention, and other things he can look forward to.  For hubby and I, we are trying to focus on the new beginings.  We just recently found out that we will be first time grandparents in December.  Something we are still trying to adjust to, but are extremely excited about.  We are also preparing to watch our only daughter devote her life to a very special young man.  So, there will be a wedding late this summer.  I have also decided to go back to school for my Master's in Nursing.  I feel the best I have in years, and am up for the challenge.  Paul is starting to make more plans for hunting and fishing trips.  Lord, help us all!  My poor garage is already so full of equipment.  But the great outdoors is his sanctuary.   I feel the same about my gardening.  We both enjoy the outdoors.  Just in different ways.  We both believe that nature is one of God's most generous blessings.  It just keeps giving in beauty, in purpose, and in peace.  After all the hard work put into this yard last year, there are so many new flowers and plants starting to grow.  It's newness and excitement seem to reflect the feelings in our family, right now.  Spring is such a wonderful time of year.  A time of new beginnings.  Nothing could be , more true for our family, right now.

The Lord works in mysterious ways.  Doesnt He?  A year ago, I could have never imagined that things would be so good.  I knew and trusted that the Lord had a plan.  I just had no idea that it would be so awesome.  You see, we look at life so differently now.  I look for the positive and beauty in my life everyday.   I give praise to Him everyday for leading us down the path that he has.  The good and the bad.  We have realized that sometimes he gives us challenges and struggles to appreciate the good more and to help keep our faith in Him growing.  Its like the old saying, "Use it or lose it."  This can be said of our faith in God.  In order to let it grow, we have to be able to practice it.  The challenges are never easy.  But they are alwys a way for us to learn more about Gods glory and ourselves.  It has given us more purpose and meaning in everything we do.  Much love and many blessings!  

An Easter Message...

Back when our children were small, I proposed the idea of introducing them to Christ.  My husband had very little background in what it meant to live as a Christian.  I could tell over the course of our marriage that something had been missing.  So, I did what I always did.  I prayed on it.  As a young girl, I was raised in a Catholic household.  I can remember my mom or dad coming into my room to wake me early on Sunday mornings to ensure that we were all dressed, fed, and to service by 9a.m..  Over the course of time we did not go to services as regularly.  However, my parents still ran a household that served God.  We said prayers at night, said grace at dinner, practiced Christian values, and still attended services with various friends of different denominations.  My parents never refused an opportunity for us to grow in our relationship with Christ.  I wanted the same for our children.  I wanted them, and my husband, to know the fulfillment and overwhelming love that can only be experienced through a relationship with God.  After praying on it for a couple of weeks and touching on the subject with my husband, I decided that it was time to get back to my roots.  My biggest hope was that my family would embrace the opportunity.  My biggest fear was that they would think I was nuts and want nothing to do with it.  So, I set out a plan of attack.  I got up before the kids and hubby, got dressed, and started getting the kids up one by one.  I told them that we were going to church and that they would learn something new today.  Then, I took a deep breath and woke up my husband.  I simply said, "Honey, it is time to get up.  The kids and I are going to church this morning.  Service starts at 11:00 a.m..  It is 10:00a.m., right now.  If you would like to go, I am leaving at 9:45.  If not, I understand, but would really love it if you were with us". Fifteen minutes later, a handsome, well dressed man stepped out of the bedroom with keys in hand and a big smile.  "Let's go," he said.  The rest is history. 

Since that day, we have planted the seeds of Christ in the running of our home and the nurturing of our children.  Are we a perfect Christian family.  By no means.  However,  I can say with much confidence that no family is.  The past few years we have come to rely on our faith and trust in God so much.  A year ago, I was laying in the hospital, with a mouth full of stitches, my face altered, and unsure of where my future would be.  But one thing I never doubted was God's purpose.  My family also felt that way.  They never once questioned why.  They just supported me and prayed, as well.  I spent nine months relearning how to talk, eat, tips and exercises to strengthen my facial muscles, and my body.  Due to stress and not being on my meds, I could barely move, let alone walk.  Therefore, a very slow rehabilitation started to get my entire body back into shape.  My family never stopped believing in me, and God held my hand the whole way.  I had pretty much been told to apply for disability.  Not something I wanted to hear or accept.  So, I prayed and prayed.  For whatever reason, in my heart, I knew that was not what I was meant to do at that time.  I made a deal with myself and with the Lord.  The deal was that if I wasn't healthy enough to go back to work by the end of the year, I would throw in my towel and apply for disability.  I got the clearance to go back in June, applied for over twenty positions, and prayed to God that if I wasn't meant to be there then don't let me be offered the position.  So I continued to exercise, eat right, follow a strict medication regimine, and attend my doctors appointments.  Then, one afternoon, the phone rang.  It was an offer to take my old position back.  I jumped at it, knowing that if I wasn't meant to be there, God wouldn't have brought the chance to do it.

Here we are a year later and I am simply amazed at what God has blessed us with.  We are getting ready for our youngest to turn sixteen.  Our daughter will be getting married in just a short few months.  Our oldest and his wonderful wife are expecting our first grandchild.  Which is still sinking in.  Haha!  I am back to work and feel better then I have in a very long time.  I have been able to pursue some opportunities in writing and am getting ready to go back to school to become a Nurse Practioner.  What a difference a year makes!  I have no explanation for it except that the Lord had His hand in it.  I think about the sacrifices and the trials we suffered along the way.  Yet, it pales to the comparison to the sacrifice Jesus made for all of us.  When I think of the pain and the cruelty He endured, it brings tears to my eyes.  I don't know anyone who would willingly do that for anyone.  I don't know any parent that would sacrifice their son to save the lives of millions.  It is sad how we see our problems and misfortunes has if they were the worst thing anyone could go through.  Don't get me wrong.  Some of us are dealing with some pretty awful battles.  I don't make light of these struggles, at all.  My point is that, no matter the problem, we don't have to go through it alone.  Someone loved us so much that He gave His life for us.  A love that can not be measured.  A love that was proven three days later, when Jesus was resurrected.  This resurrection stands as a promise of eternal life to all who believe in Him.  It gives us hope and allows us to believe that we can overcome anything.  We can confide and lean on our Lord and Savior.  He wants us to.  He has never let me down.  He won't let you down either.  I promise.  Much love and many blessings!  Oh, and HAPPY EASTER!

My New Fear...Time To Myself

As a young adult weight, time, and health were not things that I concerned myself with.  I ate what I wanted, and never worried about the consequences.  The same thing goes for my everyday life.  I worked long shifts and overschefuled myself never worrying about the effect it would have on my body.  Those were the days.  Unfortunately, they didn't last long.  It all caught up with me the hard way.  Fast forward 20 years later and I realize just how much I took advantage of being "young and healthy".  I have experienced many setbacks.  Some more difficult then others.  However, somewhere deep down inside I have found the strength to get through it all.  Many lessons have been learned.  The biggest lesson is that it doesn't just happen with a pill, a special diet, or even seeing the best doctors in the country.  It is a combination off all of it, a fighting spirit, an awesome support system, wonderful medical care, and faith that God is by my side every step of the way.  Even in my darkest moments.

However, now that I have seized control of all that, I find my self approaching several milestones. Some that i have found are a lot more challenging then others.  The blessing of being over forty (not something I was quick to embrace).  That time in every parents life when we set our children off into this big world on their own.  We have gained a besutiful daughter in law and soon a son inlaw.  I love them just as my own.  Then the biggest of all.  Time.  Time, you ask?  That's right...time by myself, time with my husband, and time to sit and drive myself crazy.  Now, if you are anything like me, you can't stand more then three days with your husband. I love the man to death and thank God everyday that I have him in my life.  However, we have always been so busy with kids that time ALONE, TOGETHER was like winning the lottery.  Now, we have so much time together that we drive each other crazy.  Of course, it doesn't help that neither one of us can stay still.  This is all with one teenager still home for a couple of years.  I am afraid that once the youngest is out, one of us will be admitted to the nearest mental health unit.  That would be even worse and just prove to my critics that i truly am out if my mind.  I can not have that, even uf there are days i believe it myself.  This brings me to my final fear...TIME BY MYSELF.

If you are a mom (and I think most are), you know what I am talking about.  Remember those days of not being able to go to the bathroom alone?  Well, now we find ourselves drowning in silence.  Now, how each one of us deals with this change is different.  Some might pick up another hobby, work more hours, or delight in it all and do nothing.  In my case, I have decided to make the most of it.  While my health is improving, it will never be the same as it was 20 years ago.  Therefore, I realize I have to be careful in the activities I participate in.  Exercise is great, and I love it.  Unfortunately, I have to pace myself, so doing extra workouts isn't really an option.  For me, the best decision, and the one that makes the most sense is to go back to school and finish my Bachelors and Masters in Nursing.  So, I have been looking into online programs that will allow me to have a minor in ministry.   The choices are a bit iverwhelming.  I have my work cut out for me. I feel nursing is a ministry in its self.  I want to focus on showing my patients that spiritual medicine and scientific medicine are best when practiced together.  I know there are some that will roll their eyes, but I am living proof that this is true.  I just want to pay it forward.  So, that combined with pursuing my writing should keep me busy.  If it doesnt, I guess there is always the mental health unit.  Maybe they will give me one if those white jackets that will allow me to hug myself continally.  Now that would be cute, and a bit too much self love for me. 

I hope that you find what you are passionate about and able to pursue it.  Life is to short to waste time just going through the motions or sitting with our minds spinning because if the silence around us.  Listen to your inner voice and do what makes you happy.  God plants those aspirations on our hearts for a reason.  Whether to teach us something about ourselves or about others.  Much love and many blesdings.

Conquering...

I am sitting here tonight with so much on my mind.  It hasn't exactly been the best of the last couple of days.  Fighting allergies, asthma, and, once again, the ever so present arthritis flare that comes with all of it.  However, I can't help but think about how lucky I am.  Yes, some days are so hard.  As a dear friend reminded me earlier, it is so hard to be who everyone expects you to be when you are struggling with pain, disease, and the defeat that comes with it all.  Despite all that, I have learned that during these moments, it is important to remember the positives in my life.  There are so many blessings.  My family is my greatest blessing.  A husband who not only makes me feel special, but shows me everyday how much I am loved.  Children who understand that mom is not like all the other moms, but offers them something many moms can't.  A view through the eyes of a woman who has suffered and continues to fight on and survive it all with style, grace, and a continued faith in God.  Friends who are my family and care for me and my loved ones as if we were all from the same family tree.  

These are the things I focus on when times are hard.  Through these thoughts, it is where I hear Gods voice telling me to keep fighting.  To ignore the people who have told me I can't do it.  It is my success that will be the lasting image that shows them how wrong they were.  To prove to the ones who have called me self absorbed or questioned my actions that others can be inspired and lifted up, instead of ridiculed and judged poorly.  Life has taught me so many valuable lessons.  Lessons some will not have the privilege of ever learning.  I am sad for them, really.  These are lessons that a person passes on long after they are gone.  In these thoughtful moments, it is where I take a deep breath, pick myself up, and find my energy to keep on going.  It's not always easy.  In fact, it's always extremely hard.  Yet, I do it.  I keep God as my copilot and together we conquer the day.  When it's over, I am sore, tired, and can barley move...but my heart and soul are happy and proud of what I accomplished.  Do I care what others see?  Yes, because I don't like looking weak.  However, I do like victory.  It is that victorious feeling that makes me want to say, "I showed you!"  Then tomorrow, I will do it all over again...until the day I can't anymore.  Much love and many blessings!

Fantastic Footies!

For all you ladies who have been struggling this winter with dry cracked feet, there is hope.  I discovered this lotion purely by accident.  I was shopping at Rite Aid and they were running an Ups Reward special on Curel brand items.  After discovering that what I was looking for was sold out, I went to look for another item and found this one.  It is Curel Foot Therapy.  Figured it couldn't hurt to try.  Can I just say...I love this lotion.  For one thing, it is not greasy and sinks right into your feet.  Another thing is the smell.  It is a very nice scent that doesn't cause that odor when your feet start sweating.  I know you all know what I am talking about.  Yes, we women get smelly feet too.  It's time to come out of denial.  I checked the ingredients and found coconut, citrus fruits, olive, and other natural ingredients.  So, give it a try.  It's time to start thinking about sandal season!

Middle Aged Woman Rant!!!

Sitting here on my night off.  I keep my midnight schedule, even on my nights off.  It's just a lot less hectic on my body.  So, in a frantic search to find inspiration for my next blog post, I started searching "middle-aged women" on the Internet.  Instead of inspiration, I found it to be a rather depressing subject.  Oh there was plenty of information, stories, and humor to be found.  There is the middle aged divorced woman.  The middle aged single woman.  The stay at home middle aged woman, who lives on a bugdet.  My personal favorite...50 things middle aged women are doing wrong.  Well first of all, I am not divorced.  Nope, I married my high school sweetheart and still happily married.  So that rules out single and divorced.  As for being a stay at home mom living in a budget...I work full time.  Because it is my choice.  Tried the stay at home mom and wanted to hang myself.  Kudos to those who can do it.  It truly isn't easy.  By the way, don't we all live on a budget. I mean, the last I knew, the cost of living is still going up and I am not getting any younger or richer.  As for 50 things I am doing wrong, I am so happy for the improvement.  After all, I can only name about a 100 of them in my early adulthood.

Seriously, why must the beginning of middle age be such a downer.  If you aren't already depressed by entering it, you only have to search the Internet, grab a glass, and a bottle of wine, and cuddle up with your tissues.  Oh but wait!  You'll be prone to carpal tunnel, ruin your liver, and your friends and family will want you to be on Prozac.  Why does getting older have to be such a bad thing?  I feel the best that I have felt in years.  Yes, despite my illnesses.  I can go to the bathroom without an audience.  I suffer from sleep deprivation because, for the first time in years, I stayed up too late watching a whole movie or reading a whole book without interruption.  I can go shopping and step into a dressing room knowing that I am not a perfect size 2.  The best thing is...I am 41 and no one expects me to be.  I can speak my mind and feel comfortable in doing so.  Many may not approve of my blogging, but here I have a voice.  A voice that speaks for many women my age...not just myself.  Someday, those same women will be in our shoes and be grateful someone said all the things they are thinking.

Yes, my children are almost all grown, my waistline is bigger, my body is far from perfect, I say what's on my mind, and I still wake up next to the same snoring man everyday for over 20 years.  What is wrong with all that?  Not a darn thing.  So stop picking on women between 40 and 60.  Seriously, if you stopped to actually get to know us, you might be inspired and find much wisdom.  This is all regardless of our age, marital status, or wether or not we are rich or married.  We aren't that bad...really!

To Every Time There Is A Season...

Very recently, one of my very dear friends lost her battle with cancer.  She was an awesome woman and had so much strength.  I remember thinking that if anyone could beat this horrible disease, it would be her.  However, just before Christmas, she went home to be with our Heavenly Father.  We all watched and we're just amazed at the picture of courage and strength she had become to us all.  There are nights I miss her terribly.  She was always there to help me feel better.  Somehow, with as different as our illnesses were, we had common ground.  The battles were different, but the effects were much the same.  I sit back and think about those conversations.  You see, cancer may have weakened her body.  Yet, it never weakened her heart.  She was always full of encouragement and concern for everybody else.  How selfless she was just amazed me.  It isn't the first time I had lost a loved one to this terrible disease.  But it was the first time it had affected me in a way I can not explain.  So, today I find myself having to face, yet another person in my life battling this terrible disease.  I haven't seen him in a while and know I have to.  Yet, the sorrow and fear associated with my friends passing has me so scared.  Scared to get close again.  I just feel like every good person in my life has been taken from me due to this disease.  From my grandmother to my friends to my family.  It's so hard.  I, in no way, could ever compare my pain and sorrow with what his wife and children are going through.  It is just the thought that you are helpless against this disease.  I am a nurse.  My job is to make people better.  Unfortunately, I struggle with the fact that we can't always fix them. 

The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 3,"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven...".  I read this and know that it is true.  It is one of the many things we all have in common as humans.  It just seems that some seasons are longer then others and a lot harder to get through.  We go through life celebrating birthdays, holidays, special occasions, and all the wonderful accomplishments our lives bring to us and our loved ones.  Then, time just seems to stand still when we have to deal with disease, loss, and times of hardship.  The people around us move on with their lives, and those most affected struggle to just get through every hour.  It is this grand experience we call life.  The good, the bad, and the ugly.  But somewhere buried deep inside it all is some of the most beautiful, unforgettable, and life changing moments that make going on worth it.  It's the hope that tomorrow will be a better day.  The appreciation of the blessings we have been given.  Life didn't come with a blueprint.  The closest thing we have is our spiritual GPS...The bible and our faith in God.  Because something's we just have to put Him in the drivers seat for.  Much love and many blessings!