A few weeks ago, I was asked by a dear coworker why I would want to go back to school. With all my health issues, he thought it would be better for me to just make the most of what I had because the amount of time that I will physically be able to function normally is dwindling a bit at a time. His intentions were good. And I am not, by any means, hurt by it. It is also not the first time I have been asked this question by coworkers, friends, and even family. So let me walk you through my feelings on why I continue to push so hard. We will start with my job. I am a nurse, and love it like I love my children. I love the way it makes me feel at the end of the day and love the bonds and impact on my patients and their families lifes. As long as I can keep working, I am beating the Addisons, RA, Asthma, and the Psoriatic Arthritis. I decided that I was going to fight to be able to do what very few others are. That is have a flourishing career, well raised family, well kept house, hobbies, and never lose sight of God. For it is the strength that I get from Him that carries me on. Do I have bad days? I sure do. Sometimes more then others. But on those days I make it a point to do one small thing, no matter how tired or soar. It might be going thru a cupboard, wiping the counters, fixing the pillows on the couch, and just anything that gets me moving and makes me feel productive.
In the beginning, it was about keeping it normal for my family. And, yes, to hide the symptoms, pain, and sadness. It's about me now, more then ever. This past five years has tested my faith in ways I never thought it would. I am 100% sure that the only reason I am not on disability or have given up and can go on everyday is because of the blessings He has given me. Our God is good, and He knows our needs in all times. Not just the bad. He knows our joys, our struggles, and our hearts biggest desires. In fact, He has placed them there so that someday, we may use then for His purpose. We see what we choose to see. I can choose to see the bad and the ugly. I can choose to see the limited mobility, the pain, the fatigue, the sick face in the mirror, along with the long lost of meds and everything else. However, I choose to see the good that God has placed in my situation. I see the special blessings that I had taken for granted before. I see beauty in people and things I would never notice if I was still going at the pace I was. I prefer the veiw much more now. Yes, my body may be getting weaker, but God has given me strength through it all.
If sorrow, hurt, and bad things are all we concentrate on, then that is what we have trained our minds to see. So, it makes it harder to find anything good in our day to day life. However, if we choose to see good, love, and God in every situation that is what we will see. It's like when you buy a truck. You don't realize how many trucks there are just like yours until you buy it. Suddenly, trucks just like yours start popping up all over. No, it's not because everyone went out to buy the same exact one you have all of a sudden. They have always been there. You just never noticed them until you bought one. There is a lot of bad in this world and if we choose is to see nothing but, then we will live our days seeing just that. Yet, there is just as much good. If we choose to see it, it will change our outlook, our self esteem, and everything else in general. It can be a life changing experience. So while I know what my future holds, I refuse to let it effect my life in a negative manner. I will keep pushing and be grateful for the things I do have. I will also make the most of every opportunity I can, including going back to school. This is how I fight back. This is just a chapter in my life. My story is still being written. I am just very happy that as long as I choose to see God as the author, it is going to be an awesome story. Big hugs, much love, and many blessings!
No comments:
Post a Comment