So, here it is the middle of March already. As I reflect on the past three months, I realize that for the first time my year is still looking bright. Usually, by this time I have given up. It's crazy how you can go from being so motivated one day to so drained the next. One thing this time has brought to light is that by just following God's lead, I have discovered so many things I just overlooked before. I have also been able to start prioritizing better. One thing I have done to help me with this was to add a daily planner to my routine. After trying many apps, I just discovered that I was an old fashioned kind of girl and needed to have it wrote down. This way I don't have to worry about connectivity and it is easy to have my day/week/month laid out in front of me. When I sat down to make a list of the things I was passionate about, the things I was not, and my goals...I realized that some of my old habits had gone out the window. Making lists, keeping an updated calender, updated budget, menu planning. These were all things that helped our house run so much smoother and kept my stress level at bay. Guess you don't realize just how much you miss and need something until it's gone. I had thought that with the two older children gone and just my 16 year old left...it would work out fine without that stuff. I never took into account that he is my free spirited one who hates change amd needs a little more guidance since he has always had older siblings around to help. Between you and me...his daddy is the same way, even after 40+ years. So by getting back into planning, I am sure it will help things get done and not forgotten about as much.
The beginning of the year brought me so much realization. It wasn't about making resolutions. It was about pursuing the things I was passionate about. I wanted to fill my life with those ideas and things. It became more about using the lessons and blessings God had given me to make change happen in my life. Over the past few years, my time has been consumed with trying to prove to others that, despite my health, I could still be super mom/wife/nurse. A feat that I have been pretty good at, I think. Especially when it came to convincing myself. The problem with that is it is so tiring and worse for my health. At the end of the day, I was just making myself even sicker. That being said, I started asking myself what was next? My two older children were all grown. My youngest is soon to be an adult as well. Yes, I will be a grandmother for the first time next month, but I knew there was something in my heart that just needed to be pursued. The problem was figuring out what. So I spent much time in prayer and meditation. I finally realized what it was. It was God telling me to pursue the things I was passionate about. Not for just my own needs and wants. He was telling me that He needed me to do it for His. Sure I could have chosen to live a life of contentment. I mean who would have questioned it. A forty two year old disabled woman with multiple medical issues, who has be encouraged to just accept it, and go on disability. Heck, I had been encouraged by doctors, friends, family, and coworkers to be that way. However, something in me just couldn't give in and kept pulling at my heart. So here I am...back in school and trying to find a way to encourage others (especially women). Nobody should be told they are washed up or that they don't have anything to offer. No matter who they are, how sick they are, or what gender they are. You see, God doesn't see His children that way. And we shouldn't get too comfortable or content in our life that we can't think or act outside the box. He invests so much into us and has a plan for us all. That is what I am. A child of God. Not afraid to say so and you shouldn't be either. At the end of the day, when you are sitting there trying to figure out who you are, what your future holds, and how to get through the day...just remember you are His child, too. You don't have to have all the answers. You just have to open your heart and trust that He does! He loves us all the same. Good, bad, or indifferent. Nothing we say or do can ever change that. So yes I will continue to pursue my dreams. It broke my heart to give up the old ones. However, looking back, trading the old for the new wasn't so bad. The old dreams were for my own wants. The new ones serve a higher purpose. The blessing is that they fill my heart with so much more passion and desire for helping others and spreading the message of Jesus Christ then the others ever did. Much love, big hugs, and many blessings!
