Riding the Storm

I was sitting her looking at all the post I have written and realized that in October this blog will be four years old.  My how time passes.  When I started, it was more for the cause of therapy then anything.  I've always been the type to journal or write my feelings down.  Writing just has always come so naturally to me.  I certainly never claimed to be any body like Poe, Dickenson, Alcott, or even a Joyce Meyers, for that matter.  It was a way for me to take my experiences, tips, and other things and share them with others.  Most of all, it helped me to feel better.  Sometimes, getting it out on paper makes it so much easier to deal with.  Of course, I have shared many things from housekeeping tips to beauty tips, to recipes, and so mich more.  By far my favorite thing to share is God's word and encouragement for others.  Especially women, who are in a world today where they are expected to be everyone, do everything, and do it perfectly.  If I could reach one person and make them feel better about themselves, I was happy.  However, as the course of time has gone on, I have found that there is simply much more I can do.  For example, encouraging a woman that she is special, is one thing.  But showing her she is special and that the love of Christ is with her, helps her feel as if she isn't alone.  I believe that women today need to cling to Jesus more then ever.  It is a demanding world and He can give us the resources and peace to overcome our obstacles and make a difference in each others life.

The only payment I have ever received from any of my blogs is watching smiles and pride on the faces of my readers.  I want to help them realize the gifts that they were blessed with and how to use them in a way that will shape others, as well as themselves.  Also, the world can be a cold, lonely place for those who feel alone.  No woman should ever feel as if she doesn't matter.  But it is only after we put away our pettiness, pride, anger, and judgements that we can come together.  Ladies, the Lord put us here to be His helpers.  Even more then that, He put us here to be each others helpers.  He knew what we would face and that we would need reminding of His love and our uniqueness.  So, today give a mom a hand, smile to the older woman in the grocery store, or tell that young girl how special she is.  We hold the power within us and the love of our Father to be a strong force that can withstand the worst storms.  Think back to everything you have been through.  The good, bad, and really bad.  Yet, you are still here and still standing.  That is the power of Christ in your life.  Let that be a testimony to your faith in Jesus Christ.  

"Dear God, Teach me to trust in you so that when the unexpected storms of life come, I will expect peace in the midst of those storms, knowing that you are near, you hear my cries, and you are with me and for me. " (Mark 4:37-40)

Moving Forward

So, here it is the middle of March already.  As I reflect on the past three months, I realize that for the first time my year is still looking bright.  Usually, by this time I have given up.  It's crazy how you can go from being so motivated one day to so drained the next.  One thing this time has brought to light is that by just following God's lead, I have discovered so many things I just overlooked before.  I have also been able to start prioritizing better.  One thing I have done to help me with this was to add a daily planner to my routine.  After trying many apps, I just discovered that I was an old fashioned kind of girl and needed to have it wrote down.  This way I don't have to worry about connectivity and it is easy to have my day/week/month laid out in front of me.  When I sat down to make a list of the things I was passionate about, the things I was not, and my goals...I realized that some of my old habits had gone out the window.  Making lists, keeping an updated calender, updated budget, menu planning.  These were all things that helped our house run so much smoother and kept my stress level at bay.   Guess you don't realize just how much you miss and need something until it's gone.  I had thought that with the two older children gone and just my 16 year old left...it would work out fine without that stuff.  I never took into account that he is my free spirited one who hates change amd needs a little more guidance since he has always had older siblings around to help.  Between you and me...his daddy is the same way, even after 40+ years.  So by getting back into planning, I am sure it will help things get done and not forgotten about as much.

 

The beginning of the year brought me so much realization.  It wasn't about making resolutions.  It was about pursuing the things I was passionate about.  I wanted to fill my life with those ideas and things.  It became more about using the lessons and blessings God had given me to make change happen in my life.  Over the past few years, my time has been consumed with trying to prove to others that, despite my health, I could still be super mom/wife/nurse.  A feat that I have been pretty good at, I think.  Especially when it came to convincing myself.  The problem with that is it is so tiring and worse for my health.  At the end of the day, I was just making myself even sicker.  That being said, I started asking myself what was next?  My two older children were all grown.  My youngest is soon to be an adult as well.  Yes, I will be a grandmother for the first time next month, but I knew there was something in my heart that just needed to be pursued.  The problem was figuring out what.  So I spent much time in prayer and meditation.  I finally realized what it was.  It was God telling me to pursue the things I was passionate about.  Not for just my own needs and wants.  He was telling me that He needed me to do it for His.  Sure I could have chosen to live a life of contentment.  I mean who would have questioned it.  A forty two year old disabled woman with multiple medical issues, who has be encouraged to just accept it, and go on disability.  Heck, I had been encouraged by doctors, friends, family, and coworkers to be that way.  However, something in me just couldn't give in and kept pulling at my heart.  So here I am...back in school and trying to find a way to encourage others (especially women).  Nobody should be told they are washed up or that they don't have anything to offer.  No matter who they are, how sick they are, or what gender they are.  You see, God doesn't see His children that way.  And we shouldn't get too comfortable or content in our life that we can't think or act outside the box.  He invests so much into us and has a plan for us all.  That is what I am.  A child of God.  Not afraid to say so and you shouldn't be either.  At the end of the day, when you are sitting there trying to figure out who you are, what your future holds, and how to get through the day...just remember you are His child, too.  You don't have to have all the answers.  You just have to open your heart and trust that He does!  He loves us all the same.  Good, bad, or indifferent.  Nothing we say or do can ever change that.  So yes I will continue to pursue my dreams.  It broke my heart to give up the old ones.  However, looking back, trading the old for the new wasn't so bad.  The old dreams were for my own wants.  The new ones serve a higher purpose.  The blessing is that they fill my heart with so much more passion and desire for helping others and spreading the message of Jesus Christ then the others ever did.  Much love, big hugs, and many blessings! 

  

This Is Just One Chapter...Not My Story

A few weeks ago, I was asked by a dear coworker why I would want to go back to school.  With all my health issues, he thought it would be better for me to just make the most of what I had because the amount of time that I will physically be able to function normally is dwindling a bit at a time.  His intentions were good.  And I am not, by any means, hurt by it.  It is also not the first time I have been asked this question by coworkers, friends, and even family.  So let me walk you through my feelings on why I continue to push so hard.  We will start with my job.  I am a nurse, and love it like I love my children.  I love the way it makes me feel at the end of the day and love the bonds and impact on my patients and their families lifes.  As long as I can keep working, I am beating the Addisons, RA, Asthma, and the Psoriatic Arthritis.  I decided that I was going to fight to be able to do what very few others are.  That is have a flourishing career, well raised family, well kept house, hobbies, and never lose sight of God.  For it is the strength that I get from Him that carries me on.  Do I have bad days?  I sure do.  Sometimes more then others.  But on those days I make it a point to do one small thing, no matter how tired or soar.  It might be going thru a cupboard, wiping the counters, fixing the pillows on the couch, and just anything that gets me moving and makes me feel productive.

In the beginning, it was about keeping it normal for my family.  And, yes, to hide the symptoms, pain, and sadness.  It's about me now, more then ever.  This past five years has tested my faith in ways I never thought it would.  I am 100% sure that the only reason I am not on disability or have given up and can go on everyday is because of the blessings He has given me.  Our God is good, and He knows our needs in all times.  Not just the bad.  He knows our joys, our struggles, and our hearts biggest desires.  In fact, He has placed them there so that someday, we may use then for His purpose.  We see what we choose to see.  I can choose to see the bad and the ugly.  I can choose to see the limited mobility, the pain, the fatigue, the sick face in the mirror, along with the long lost of meds and everything else.  However, I choose to see the good that God has placed in my situation.  I see the special blessings that I had taken for granted before.  I see beauty in people and things I would never notice if I was still going at the pace I was.  I prefer the veiw much more now.  Yes, my body may be getting weaker, but God has given me strength through it all.

 

If sorrow, hurt, and bad things are all we concentrate on, then that is what we have trained our minds to see.  So, it makes it harder to find anything good in our day to day life.  However, if we choose to see good, love, and God in every situation that is what we will see.  It's like when you buy a truck.  You don't realize how many trucks there are just like yours until you buy it.  Suddenly, trucks just like yours start popping up all over.  No, it's not because everyone went out to buy the same exact one you have all of a sudden.  They have always been there.  You just never noticed them until you bought one.  There is a lot of bad in this world and if we choose is to see nothing but, then we will live our days seeing just that.  Yet, there is just as much good.  If we choose to see it, it will change our outlook, our self esteem, and everything else in general.  It can be a life changing experience.  So while I know what my future holds, I refuse to let it effect my life in a negative manner.  I will keep pushing and be grateful for the things I do have.  I will also make the most of every opportunity I can, including going back to school.  This is how I fight back. This is just a chapter in my life.  My story is still being written.  I am just very happy that as long as I choose to see God as the author, it is going to be an awesome story.  Big hugs, much love, and many blessings!

Looking Back To Move Ahead...

I know, I know.  It is the last stretch of January and I am just now getting my first post up for 2016.  I really have no good excuse for this other then I just didn't know what to post about at first.  I know that the beginning of the new year is seen as a new beginning to others.  However, it did not feel that way for me.  It felt more like the beginning of a disappointing cycle of years past.  I would make resolutions, only to break them before the beginning of February.  Not a promising way to look forward to 2016.  As the month progressed and I couldn't bring myself to make any resolutions, I started asking myself some very difficult questions.  Few answers came, and the ones that did weren't exactly encouraging.  Then I heard a sermon one day where the pastor asked the listeners to ask God how He sees you as an individual.  I immediately started thinking about the past five years.  The memories that came to me, about myself, were eye opening and disappointing.  Others have referred to me as many things.  Some bad and some good.  The reality was that I have been harder on myself then anyone else could ever be.  The words that I used to describe my self were tired, failure, scared, unaccomplished, inadequate, and weak.  I could not find one positive word to describe myself.  I also realized that, in some ways, I was a liar.  I got very good at acting like everything was fine, I was doing better, that I had everything under control, and that I was stronger then my circumstances.  Truth is, I wasn't, I had no hope to be any of it, and I had stopped caring what God thought or expected.  Not something I was proud of.  Definitely, not the person I wanted to be or even wanted to know.  Then, yet again, I acquired another infection.  So as if I didn't have another bad words to describe how I felt about myself, I could add scared and frustrated to the list.  Honestly, I was already feeling broken, but now I felt shattered.  How were my employer and coworkers going to react to me for taking more time off?  How was I going to be a good mom, wife, or grandmother?  Since when was what friends, family, and coworkers thought about me so much more important then my health and my ability to be a good mom/wife?  Since when was it so much more important then God?  How come I couldn't seem to just be good?  I wasn't even expecting perfect.  Just "good" for a change.  How could I explain to people, without judgement, how difficult mentally and physically it was to go through this?  It's hard to ask others, even loved ones, for help when you don't even know how to help yourself.  At the risk of sounding cliché, I literally started pleading to the Lord for something to happen.  I mean tears pouring, on my knees, nose to the floor pleading.  Anything!  I didn't expect a miracle, but I needed a sign that He was hearing my prayers.

After I pulled myself together, I decided to start journal my feelings and thoughts.  Journaling is something I have always done.  I find it so much easier sometimes to write my feelings down then to speak them out loud.  In that entry, I wrote about how I felt.  Then I decided to take that pastors advice and write down the words that I thought God would use to describe me.  Funny thing about feeling that awful about yourself...sometimes, you tell yourself these things often enough that you start to believe that is how everybody else sees you too.  So, as if I didn't already feel like I had failed myself and everybody close to me, I felt like I was failing God too.  I put my journal away, picked up my tablet, and started searching YouTube for anything that would make me feel better.  Something caught my attention.  By catching my attention, I mean it turned up every time I turned around.  Now, in my mind, that is someone's way of saying, "Watch me"!  It was a service, named "Hello, From The Other Side", that had been given by Steven Furtick of Elevation Church (if you are interested, it is posted on my Facebook page and based on the beginning of the book of Joshua).  It was his New Years Eve service.  At another risk of sounding cliché, it changed everything.  The fact that many of the feelings and thoughts that Pastor Steve had described, were exactly what I was feeling, furthered my thoughts that God had sent this message to me.  I had been mourning all this time.  Mourning the loss of my dreams, my capabilities, and what I had expected what my life would be like today.  There is a part in the service where he has the congregation stand up, and take a step forward.  Yes, call me corny (for lack of a better word), but I did exactly what he asked them to do.  I had taken that step as a way to mark a new beginning.  That step was more powerful then that.  It gave me hope.  I regained my faith.  It gave me clarity.  Most importantly, it gave me the want for intention and living my life for God's purpose. 

Now, I won't say that all my problems were solved in that one step.  There are other resources I have sought out that I won't get into.  I realize this post has already gotten longer then intended.  However, that one step gave me a starting point.  I decided to take the month of January and really think about how I wanted 2016 to be.  I decided resolutions were not useful unless they were pursued with intention.  So, my list is named "Intentions".  You see, New Years Resolutions are a great way to set goals and aspirations for the beginning of any year.  Its the perfect time to start.  Something about a new year just seems to give people hope and a feeling of a "clean start".  However, unless you make adjustments to your daily lifestyle to accomplish these things, you are already setting yourself up for failure.  And the cycle continues.  What's more...many feel like they can't pick up where they left off.  You need to have a plan for completing your goals.  You also need to have a plan for picking up the pieces when it all falls apart.  Intentional planning (whether for God's purpose or another purpose) is not only away to pursue these aspirations, but it is also a way of making sure you keep these changes in your life for years to come.  So, we are all a work in progress.  Much like this blog.  I intended it to be a way to inspire other women, share faith in Christ, share tips, and just be a place to retreat.  I realize, now, that my biggest mistake was not putting it in God's hands and trusting Him to lead me through it.  Many times I set out to post new entries, only to give up for fear of what others thought, not having enough faith in my abilities, or just plain laziness.  That is the end of that.  I have to start believing in myself again.  The way our Lord does.  The way others do.  I don't know what the future holds for me, but I am confident that God will be with me.  Something I couldn't profess to three weeks ago.  I got so good at pretending with everyone else that things were okay and I was fine, that I even fooled myself.

I do have many plans for this blog this year.  Lord knows, between household projects, crafts, beauty, cooking, and inspirational ramblings, I have managed a list of ideas that should provide me with enough content for a long while.  I also have plans to start a corresponding YouTube channel.  Working on  a filming setup.  I am a nurse not a movie maker.  Lol!  I promise not to get this lengthy (or at least try) in the future.  I also promise to try and not be too preachy.  However, it is important for my followers to know that my faith is a huge part of who I am and how I do everything.  It is a part of myself I lost, and I don't intend on losing it again.  I ask for your patience thru the changes.  I also encourage you to post your thoughts, share my posts, and hit the follow button.  There is also a Facebook page, Instagram page, and I am working on a Snapchat and Twitter pages.  I promise new recipes, home décor ideas, beauty tips, natural cleaning and beauty products and recipes are coming.  And so much more.  If you can give me your time to read my posts, I promise my best to make it worth it.  Too all of you I wishes you and your loved ones the very best New Year.  I pray you are all well and that you made it through this post without completely trying to avoid me in the future.  lol!  Big hugs, many prayers, and much love!     

We Are Not Alone...

http://maturewomenofyoutube.blogspot.com/

 

One of my favorite things to do is watch YouTube.  I love watching videos related to music, style, makeup, inspiration, homemaking, and so much more.  My biggest challenge has been finding women vloggers around my age.  I was watching one and found this list, thinking someone else out there might benefit from it.  I am sure there are more then this, but it is a great lost to get started.  Happy Viewing!  Much love and many blesings!

That Wasn't How It Was Supposed To Go...

I recently needed a reminder of this.  I was so caught up in wondering how things had gotten to where they were, that I had forgotten to see them has how God wanted them to be.  My husband and I had never planned for our children to move so far away from home when they grew up.  I guess we just always thought they would be right here close for us to continue to keep an eye on.  But that is not what happened at all.  We now have a 20 year old son on one side of the country with his expecting wife, and a 19 year old daughter on the other side with her husband.  Fortunately,  we still have our 16 year old son at home.  But the day will come that he will have to make that choice. We have learned that God gave us the tools to teach our children to make those choices for themselves.  Apparently,  he had more faith in our family then we did.  It is still hard, being so far away.  But we find great comfort in the fact that they are believers of Christ and that He has their backs. 

Thru this last couple of years, the Lord has shown us so much.  Not just about our children, but about ourselves as well.  He has shown us that you don't have to keep your children close to home to remain a part of their lives.  With modern technology, it has made it possible for us to talk or text often.  I look forward to those messages.  Even the littlest ones.  He has taught us that the time to slowdown and enjoy life is now.  Not after our youngest child is grown and on his own in the world.  There is so much we want to do with him before that time comes.  We have a grandchild on the way (and more in the future) and want to be an active part of their lives.  We had things we had planned to do many years ago and just never got around to them because life got busy.  We have been in this house for two uears, and have yet to decorate or do the things we wanted to it.  But the great thing is that we are still young enough and motivated to do them.  The Lord has also shown us that this isn't the end of the story, but the beginning of a new one.  This is where Paul and I get to have the time together that we never got in the beginning.  Sure we were together for five years before having a family, but some of that I was still in school.  The day after graduation I started a full time job working 12 hour night shifts.  He worked 6 and 7 days a week.  Not much time to get to know each other.  Then came kids, dogs, houses, bills, and all the lovely things that come with married life.  Looking back now, I wouldn't have changed any of it.  We were blessed to have our children at all, let alone young.  We enjoyed every minute of them growing up.  And now, they have tured into amazing independent people.  It is time for them to blaze their own trail thru life.  Hopefully someday they can look back, like Paul and I, and feel the pride, graditude, and satisfaction of what they have built together with the love they share with their spouses.  It's an incredible feeling.  I can't tell you how many times my tears of sadness have turned into tears of pride and joy just thinking about all we have done.  So we decided not to be sad anymore that our children were not here.  Rather be grateful of the opportunities they were given and that they found a special someone to share it with.  Afterall, that is what we did.  We married young, worked hard for everything in our whole life, and believed that the Lord would see us through the good and bad.  That is what they need to do.  Love each other and trust in God!  It's what makes a marriage special and stronger. Much love and many blessings!

Road To A Healthier Me...Three of Five

So sorry it has taken me so long to get this posted.  Between my daughter's wedding, new puppies, and just life in general, things have been nuts here.  Boy, life in our house has really taken on a few changes.  Some good, some bad, and some yet to be determimed.  I thought since I had the focus, energy, and time I would finally get a chance to get a post up.  Now, the last post I wrote described getting to know your body.  I truly hope that some of you have been keeping your journals and have learned a thing or two about yourself.  If not, it isn't to late to start.  Now, for the subject that everyone struggles with...diet.  We are constantly being bombarded with the latest, greatest diet plans.  They all have the same promises and seem impossible to follow.  Not only that, they rarely show us the results that we expect.  This brings me to rule number one and a lesson I had to learn the hard way.  Lowering expectations.  I had to get it into my mind that my results would not be the same as others.  With the medications I am on (daily steroids being one of them), it would be harder to control how much I lost.  I, also, had to remember that my body doesn't metabolize certain things as well as others.  Carbs and sugar being just a couple.  The less steroids I take, the more calories my body burns.  Some think this would be an easy problem to have.  Just take less steroids, right?  Wrong answer.  That is asking for a quick hospital stay.  I need those steroids to function.  The more my body is stressed, the more I have to take.  Another issue is that you can't check your steroid levels anytime, like diabetics check their glucose levels.  You have to go by how you feel.  Therefore, it is very easy to get too much.  That means more weight gain.  Plus, it is harder to lose.  Couple all that with the limitations my arthritis has blessed me with, and I am a sitting duck.  Make that an overweight sitting duck.  

This is why it is so important to know your body.  Whether you have a chronic illness or not.  If you do have a chronic illness, you will know better how your body functions (or in some case, doesn't function) and when things start to go wring so you can get right on trating it.  If you don't have a chronic illness, it will help you and your doctor better pinpoint any issues you may have in the future.  I learned that the best diet options for me were portion control, low carbs, high protein and fiber, and to eat less amounts more often.  I also learned that before I workout it is important for me to eat a light snack before hand and do it within an hour or two of the time I take my steroids.  Usually just a yogurt and something with a little salt lIke pretzels.  Drinking lots and lots of fluids is a must.  As my body burns calories and cortisol (which I have to take because my body doesn't make it), it also burns sugar and fluids extremely fast.  So low blood sugar and dehydration come on quick and severe.  It took me two years to figure that out.  It's not information that is always disclosed to you upon diagnosis.  Normal the human body compensates on its own.  Mine doesn'the have the ability to do that.  Which throws my whole theory about ever being normal out the window.  So, I watch my portions, my calories, steer clear of foods that cause inflammation, and drink a lot of fluids.  I will admit, it isn't easy.  However, it does get easier with time and is worth it when you feel better overall.  My diet is mostly plant and animal based.  Basically, if it can't be grown or raised in your back yard, I try not to eat it.  Not always successful, but I try.  The more processed or complex the food, the more inflammation, weight, and pain I experience.  I stay away from creamier salad dressings, heavy grease, bread, and pasta (which I adore) as much as possible.  Since my body is sensitive to salt, preservatives, and I have an extreme nut allergy, I read the labels on everything.  My biggest weakness is sugar.  I love me anything sweet.  Artificial sweetners cause me inflammation and there is research that claims they aren't the best for us.  So it is the real thing for me.  This is where portion control comes into play because I have found that depriving myself of it just doesn't work.  I just keep track of everything I put in my mouth.  A food journal is time consuming, but it is an extremely helpful and essential tool to staying on track.  Yes, it can be hard to remember to write things down.  Especially with our busy lifestyles, but it is worth it.  My best advice is to either keep a small notebook in your purse or find one of the many free apps out there for your phone.  Some will count more then just calories.  I use the My Fitness Pal app, and love it.  It makes a huge difference when you have to be accountable for and actually see what you are putting in your body.

In regards to vitamins, diet supplememts, and other diet aides/plans.  I do not take diet pills, powders, or some natural/herbal supplements.  Not that I don't think they aren't beneficial to some.  I just don't think they are right for me.  Many of them contain ingredients that, combined with my daily medications, can cause more harm then good.  My body can be dysfunctional on its own and doesn't need any help.  I take a One A Day Womens Formula multivitamin, Triple Strength Oesto-Biflex, flaxseed oil (tried fish oil, but too hard on the gut), Vitamin B complex with Vitamin C added, and a potassium supplement when my potassium is low (yet, another symptom of adrenal insufficiency).  All of these are gluten free and approved by my doctors.  My best suggestion is to research the supplement you are interested in.  While there are many hebral and natural supplements out there, they are just like anything else.  There are benefits and side affects to them.  Depending on your body and it's needs, it may react differently then it would for the friend that recommended it.  Also, research the source of everything.  If it's full of fillers and other additives, choose another brand.  Finally, check with you doctor.  I know many doctors don't like to dabble in alternative therapies, but there are some that do.  It is also becoming a more acceptable means of practice, in today's high cost of healthcare and pharmaceuticals (although many insurances won't cover it).

So, there you have it.  My diet plan.  I know it is not what a lot of you wanted to read.  Some were probably thinking I had a quick and easy weight loss diet I had discovered.  Truly, I am sorry to disappoint you.  I, too, know how it feels to be on that merry-go-round.  It stinks.  The truth is, there is no right answer for everyone.  Every persons body, needs, and abilities are different.  You have to do your research, experiment, and work at it.  Just like exercise.  Which I will be covering in my next post.  If I am being honest, I almost think the exercise part is much easier.  I do hope you are being able to learn something from my posts and know you are not alone.  It is a hard battle to fight.  Let's face it...we aren't just working against our own obstacles but the ones society sets in place for us too.  Between the skinny models, advertisements for supplements, and just the general public opinion...we are constantly under pressure to look a certain way.  I al,ost think that how we look has become more important then how we behave.  Not acceptable in my book.  I have just learned that I have to be happy with what I see in the mirror.  If I am not...then I need to look at my plan and make a few changes.  I have made the changes to my diet slowly and am still working on it.  It is something I will always do because it is a part of my lifestyle now.  It has to be because, unless there is a magical cure out there for my problems (or a fountain of youth), they are forever a part of me.  The good, the bad, and the ugly.  Much love and many blessings!