High Standards!

Well, I am finding myself in a pretty weird mood lately.  I think it has something to do with my daughter getting married, my youngest son turning 16, and my older son and his wife being so far away.  They warn you about "Empty Nest Syndrome".  But no one explains that it happens in stages and so fast.  And that for the first time in 20 years, you and your husband will have to spend time alone together and carry on a conversation that doesn't revolve around dates, sports, school, and anything related to teenagers.  Lol!  So in an attempt to keep this post as organized as possible, we will challenge each one in order of age, from youngest up.

My youngest son is 16 and very, very active.   He does not sit well, which is why his video games have collected more dust then the west coast.  Turning 16 is a right of passage for all teenagers, but I think when you are the youngest and only one home, it is definitely different.  He spends a lot of time with friends.  His friends spend a lot of time here.  And while yes, there are new found freedoms, there is also loneliness.   He has always had someone there.  It's the trait of being the youngest.  Many of you know he struggles with school alot and spending time being active is how we keep him from bouncing of the walls 24/7.  It isn't for everyone, but it works for us.  They wanted him on meds when he was younger and we opposed them.  Sports was his therapy and outlet, and it worked.  That being said, he is the sweetest boy with so much life in him.  I am so proud of how far he has come.  He is learning benefits of getting up stronger everytime he gets knocked down.  That makes him a winner, no matter what.  Hoping he can make it once Shelby is gone.  Guess the workout area will need some upgrades.

Our Tinkerbell is going to be 19 on September 17th of this year.  Two days later (on the 19th) we will watch her get married to her Peter Pan.  He is an absolutely amazing gentleman in the Air Force.  After that they will be moving to Washington.  It's getting harder as the time grows closer.  We went the wedding planner route and I am so glad we did.  I am finding it is too emotional for me to handle.  I know she will be so happy.  He is the best son in law we could have ever asked for.  It's just so hard to think that I won't be able to see her beautiful face every morning or hear her funny one liners everyday.  This one is hardest.  She is our only daughter.  You can't put a limit on that.  Not for love, not for money, not for happiness, not for anything.  Yet, we are extremely proud of who she is.  We were always accused of having to high standards for our kids, especially Shelby.  We never expected anything from them we knew they couldn't give.  Shelby has completely put in awe with her wonderful heart and ability to see the brightside.  It gives me comfort knowing she is so independent.  She is going to have to be, and she will rock at it.

Then there is our Soldier Boy and his wife, who have had to endure so much pain and hardship lately.  It doesn't even seem fair that any couple should have to experience this much heartbreak and tears.  I miss them both very much.  Just because he is an adult and lives far from home, doesn't mean I don't worry.  In fact, I worry more.  I feel I have missed so much with them away.  I just do the best I can thru text and calls.  It's not the same, and some days the void can be consuming.  I take comfort in the fact that we instilled those higher standards in him.  He is an awesome husband.  Someday, they will be the best parents any child would be lucky to have.  My sweet daughter in law brings the best out in him.  That's when you know it's right.  they are both learning that you can get through anything, as long as you stick together.  It makes it easier and the loving bond between you grow stronger.

So, hubby and I are finally getting time alone.  The problem is, we don't know what to do with it.  It's crazy that for 20 years we couldn't get time together and now we have too much.  So we set out to make the most of it.  You see, we started our family young due to health issues.  So we never really had that alone time some couples get before starting a family.  Yes, even though we had been dating for 5 years, we hadn't lived together but for a very short time.  So, this is our time.  Time to find hobbies as a couple and as individuals.  We decided that instead of looking at the extra time as empty, we would look at it as a new beginning.  A new beginning into being by ourselves one day in this house.  This also keeps us from potentially hurting each other.  Lol!  Hopefully, by the time our youngest graduates, we will be okay.  Good thing we have a couple of years because this is going to take some work.  That being said, we could not be any prouder of all our children.   They exceeded any expectations they were held up to.  They are positive, happy, giving, children.  They all believe in God and they all know the importance of family and helping others.  That's what setting standards for your children can prove.  It's not about making them people they are not.  It's about helping them to become the people they are supposed to be, in according to God's plan for them.  Much love and many blessings!

God Placed Those Dreams On Your Heart...

I am supposed to be sleeping, right now.  Interview for a new position at work.  It's funny how your life changes so much after dealing with chronic illness.  There was a point last year that I felt I couldn't possibly be of any use to anyone as a nurse.  Everybody encouraged me to apply for permanent disability.  This was something that I just felt it wasn't the time for, yet.  So, I picked myself up, and asked God to show me the path He wanted me to take.  Well, here I am redefining  what my life has stood for.  Something happens to you when you decide to fight back.  You feel this inner strength that causes you to stand a little taller, smile a little bigger, and believe that dreams can come true.  And in the process of achieving your dreams you learn so much about yourself and your relationship with God.  It becomes one of teacher and student.  He shows us what He dreams for us.  Sometimes our dreams and his dreams aren't all that different.  It's the plan of attack that differs.  All to often we don't see the path that God wants us to take.  Or we do see it, but it looks harder then our way.   So, we stick to our plans and stumble often.  If there is one thing that I have learned it is that by following God's blue print for my life, I appreciate every step it takes to get to the finish line.  Even the impossible steps are more rewarding once taken.  The journey may take longer.  There might be more critics.  Yes, there will be times you want to give up.  We all have these moments.  You need to remember that if He didn't think you could achieve the dreams you have, He would hve never placed them on your heart. My plan was to become a Nurse practioner.  I have accepted that God had a better plan for me.  It's going to be a challenge.  But one I am more then willing to take.  Hope you lol believe in yourself, as I do.  You are all amazing wo, enjoy and men.  Don't let anything get in the way of the life God has for you.  He sees your potential and wants the very best for you.  Much love and many blessings!

Happy Mother's Day!

It's amazing how God knows what we need, right at the right moment.  I have had a very challenging couple of weeks.  It would seem that my body is rebelling a bit.  Trying to move forward is a bit harder then I thought it would be.  There are daily schedule changes, medication changes, and dealing with limitations that all take more time for my system to adjust to.  However, I am starting to come around.  Life is definitely unpredictable.  Mother's Day was just what I needed.  There is nothing like having your family pamper you to make you feel like a very important part of their lives.  I will be honest.  I started feeling a bit taken advantage of.  I think all mom's go through those feelings from time to time.  We forget that they are just used to mom being the one who takes care of everything.  It's not their fault.  It's just how it is.  I am so lucky to have the family I do.  God reminded me of that today.

Although today was awesome, there was one thing missing.  Òur oldest son.  I am so proud of the soldier he is.  However, it is hard to be away from him on these special days.  No matter how old he gets, there will always be the worry and concern that I had for him while he was growing up.  It's hard to believe that he will be a parent himself soon.  I know that he will be an awesome dad.  I also know my beautiful, sweet daughter in law is going to be a special mommy.  They were meant to be parents.  You can see it in them when they are with other children.  I believe that the Lord brings special people together to bless with little ones who will be the best of both of them.  I feel it happened with Paul and I.  I also believe it has happened with them.  We are so excited.  A true blessing!

So, I want to wish all of my readers a wonderful Mother's Day.  Not just for today, but every day.  May we never forget the importance of what we do as moms.  We need to hold on to all the memories and create as many new ones as possible.  The impression we leave on our children goes way beyond high school graduation.  They don't stop being our children just because they moved away and started a life of their own.  The life they create for themselves is based on the life we gave them as children.  The values, the love, the whole package shapes them as adults.  If we are lucky, they will fill the purpose God has for their life.  There is more importance there then we often realize.  Definitely more then they will understand until they are our ages.  Many blessings and much love.

New Beginnings...

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about all the changes that are taking place in our life.  It seems like just yesterday we were planning for proms, graduations, weekends with a house full of teenagers, and after school activites.  Those days seemed so crazy and full of chaos back then.  Today they seem like they were a million years ago.  They are nothing but memories, now.  Sweet, precious memories that will always stay close to my heart.  Today is a different story.  As a soon to be empty nester, it can be very challenging to transition to the changes that come with having children become adults.  There are the adjustments to the silence, the free time, and even to the reduction in laundry and household chores.  Although we still have a very active, soon to be 16 year old at home, the house seems empty.  Even he is having a bit of a hard time adjusting to it.  Our yongest has never been alone.  He is looking at two years of being the only child at home, with a soldier brother, and an Air Force spouse sister located acrossed the country.  Not in the same direction, I might add.  So, has hard has it is for us, we are trying to keep things in perspective for him.  Our children have always been close.  We know this is a hard adjustment for him.

One thing we have done, for him, is to try and focus on the fact that he is going to be an only child.  Which, by the way, comes with a certain amount of benefits.  No fighting over the bathroom, mom and dad's full attention, and other things he can look forward to.  For hubby and I, we are trying to focus on the new beginings.  We just recently found out that we will be first time grandparents in December.  Something we are still trying to adjust to, but are extremely excited about.  We are also preparing to watch our only daughter devote her life to a very special young man.  So, there will be a wedding late this summer.  I have also decided to go back to school for my Master's in Nursing.  I feel the best I have in years, and am up for the challenge.  Paul is starting to make more plans for hunting and fishing trips.  Lord, help us all!  My poor garage is already so full of equipment.  But the great outdoors is his sanctuary.   I feel the same about my gardening.  We both enjoy the outdoors.  Just in different ways.  We both believe that nature is one of God's most generous blessings.  It just keeps giving in beauty, in purpose, and in peace.  After all the hard work put into this yard last year, there are so many new flowers and plants starting to grow.  It's newness and excitement seem to reflect the feelings in our family, right now.  Spring is such a wonderful time of year.  A time of new beginnings.  Nothing could be , more true for our family, right now.

The Lord works in mysterious ways.  Doesnt He?  A year ago, I could have never imagined that things would be so good.  I knew and trusted that the Lord had a plan.  I just had no idea that it would be so awesome.  You see, we look at life so differently now.  I look for the positive and beauty in my life everyday.   I give praise to Him everyday for leading us down the path that he has.  The good and the bad.  We have realized that sometimes he gives us challenges and struggles to appreciate the good more and to help keep our faith in Him growing.  Its like the old saying, "Use it or lose it."  This can be said of our faith in God.  In order to let it grow, we have to be able to practice it.  The challenges are never easy.  But they are alwys a way for us to learn more about Gods glory and ourselves.  It has given us more purpose and meaning in everything we do.  Much love and many blessings!  

An Easter Message...

Back when our children were small, I proposed the idea of introducing them to Christ.  My husband had very little background in what it meant to live as a Christian.  I could tell over the course of our marriage that something had been missing.  So, I did what I always did.  I prayed on it.  As a young girl, I was raised in a Catholic household.  I can remember my mom or dad coming into my room to wake me early on Sunday mornings to ensure that we were all dressed, fed, and to service by 9a.m..  Over the course of time we did not go to services as regularly.  However, my parents still ran a household that served God.  We said prayers at night, said grace at dinner, practiced Christian values, and still attended services with various friends of different denominations.  My parents never refused an opportunity for us to grow in our relationship with Christ.  I wanted the same for our children.  I wanted them, and my husband, to know the fulfillment and overwhelming love that can only be experienced through a relationship with God.  After praying on it for a couple of weeks and touching on the subject with my husband, I decided that it was time to get back to my roots.  My biggest hope was that my family would embrace the opportunity.  My biggest fear was that they would think I was nuts and want nothing to do with it.  So, I set out a plan of attack.  I got up before the kids and hubby, got dressed, and started getting the kids up one by one.  I told them that we were going to church and that they would learn something new today.  Then, I took a deep breath and woke up my husband.  I simply said, "Honey, it is time to get up.  The kids and I are going to church this morning.  Service starts at 11:00 a.m..  It is 10:00a.m., right now.  If you would like to go, I am leaving at 9:45.  If not, I understand, but would really love it if you were with us". Fifteen minutes later, a handsome, well dressed man stepped out of the bedroom with keys in hand and a big smile.  "Let's go," he said.  The rest is history. 

Since that day, we have planted the seeds of Christ in the running of our home and the nurturing of our children.  Are we a perfect Christian family.  By no means.  However,  I can say with much confidence that no family is.  The past few years we have come to rely on our faith and trust in God so much.  A year ago, I was laying in the hospital, with a mouth full of stitches, my face altered, and unsure of where my future would be.  But one thing I never doubted was God's purpose.  My family also felt that way.  They never once questioned why.  They just supported me and prayed, as well.  I spent nine months relearning how to talk, eat, tips and exercises to strengthen my facial muscles, and my body.  Due to stress and not being on my meds, I could barely move, let alone walk.  Therefore, a very slow rehabilitation started to get my entire body back into shape.  My family never stopped believing in me, and God held my hand the whole way.  I had pretty much been told to apply for disability.  Not something I wanted to hear or accept.  So, I prayed and prayed.  For whatever reason, in my heart, I knew that was not what I was meant to do at that time.  I made a deal with myself and with the Lord.  The deal was that if I wasn't healthy enough to go back to work by the end of the year, I would throw in my towel and apply for disability.  I got the clearance to go back in June, applied for over twenty positions, and prayed to God that if I wasn't meant to be there then don't let me be offered the position.  So I continued to exercise, eat right, follow a strict medication regimine, and attend my doctors appointments.  Then, one afternoon, the phone rang.  It was an offer to take my old position back.  I jumped at it, knowing that if I wasn't meant to be there, God wouldn't have brought the chance to do it.

Here we are a year later and I am simply amazed at what God has blessed us with.  We are getting ready for our youngest to turn sixteen.  Our daughter will be getting married in just a short few months.  Our oldest and his wonderful wife are expecting our first grandchild.  Which is still sinking in.  Haha!  I am back to work and feel better then I have in a very long time.  I have been able to pursue some opportunities in writing and am getting ready to go back to school to become a Nurse Practioner.  What a difference a year makes!  I have no explanation for it except that the Lord had His hand in it.  I think about the sacrifices and the trials we suffered along the way.  Yet, it pales to the comparison to the sacrifice Jesus made for all of us.  When I think of the pain and the cruelty He endured, it brings tears to my eyes.  I don't know anyone who would willingly do that for anyone.  I don't know any parent that would sacrifice their son to save the lives of millions.  It is sad how we see our problems and misfortunes has if they were the worst thing anyone could go through.  Don't get me wrong.  Some of us are dealing with some pretty awful battles.  I don't make light of these struggles, at all.  My point is that, no matter the problem, we don't have to go through it alone.  Someone loved us so much that He gave His life for us.  A love that can not be measured.  A love that was proven three days later, when Jesus was resurrected.  This resurrection stands as a promise of eternal life to all who believe in Him.  It gives us hope and allows us to believe that we can overcome anything.  We can confide and lean on our Lord and Savior.  He wants us to.  He has never let me down.  He won't let you down either.  I promise.  Much love and many blessings!  Oh, and HAPPY EASTER!

My New Fear...Time To Myself

As a young adult weight, time, and health were not things that I concerned myself with.  I ate what I wanted, and never worried about the consequences.  The same thing goes for my everyday life.  I worked long shifts and overschefuled myself never worrying about the effect it would have on my body.  Those were the days.  Unfortunately, they didn't last long.  It all caught up with me the hard way.  Fast forward 20 years later and I realize just how much I took advantage of being "young and healthy".  I have experienced many setbacks.  Some more difficult then others.  However, somewhere deep down inside I have found the strength to get through it all.  Many lessons have been learned.  The biggest lesson is that it doesn't just happen with a pill, a special diet, or even seeing the best doctors in the country.  It is a combination off all of it, a fighting spirit, an awesome support system, wonderful medical care, and faith that God is by my side every step of the way.  Even in my darkest moments.

However, now that I have seized control of all that, I find my self approaching several milestones. Some that i have found are a lot more challenging then others.  The blessing of being over forty (not something I was quick to embrace).  That time in every parents life when we set our children off into this big world on their own.  We have gained a besutiful daughter in law and soon a son inlaw.  I love them just as my own.  Then the biggest of all.  Time.  Time, you ask?  That's right...time by myself, time with my husband, and time to sit and drive myself crazy.  Now, if you are anything like me, you can't stand more then three days with your husband. I love the man to death and thank God everyday that I have him in my life.  However, we have always been so busy with kids that time ALONE, TOGETHER was like winning the lottery.  Now, we have so much time together that we drive each other crazy.  Of course, it doesn't help that neither one of us can stay still.  This is all with one teenager still home for a couple of years.  I am afraid that once the youngest is out, one of us will be admitted to the nearest mental health unit.  That would be even worse and just prove to my critics that i truly am out if my mind.  I can not have that, even uf there are days i believe it myself.  This brings me to my final fear...TIME BY MYSELF.

If you are a mom (and I think most are), you know what I am talking about.  Remember those days of not being able to go to the bathroom alone?  Well, now we find ourselves drowning in silence.  Now, how each one of us deals with this change is different.  Some might pick up another hobby, work more hours, or delight in it all and do nothing.  In my case, I have decided to make the most of it.  While my health is improving, it will never be the same as it was 20 years ago.  Therefore, I realize I have to be careful in the activities I participate in.  Exercise is great, and I love it.  Unfortunately, I have to pace myself, so doing extra workouts isn't really an option.  For me, the best decision, and the one that makes the most sense is to go back to school and finish my Bachelors and Masters in Nursing.  So, I have been looking into online programs that will allow me to have a minor in ministry.   The choices are a bit iverwhelming.  I have my work cut out for me. I feel nursing is a ministry in its self.  I want to focus on showing my patients that spiritual medicine and scientific medicine are best when practiced together.  I know there are some that will roll their eyes, but I am living proof that this is true.  I just want to pay it forward.  So, that combined with pursuing my writing should keep me busy.  If it doesnt, I guess there is always the mental health unit.  Maybe they will give me one if those white jackets that will allow me to hug myself continally.  Now that would be cute, and a bit too much self love for me. 

I hope that you find what you are passionate about and able to pursue it.  Life is to short to waste time just going through the motions or sitting with our minds spinning because if the silence around us.  Listen to your inner voice and do what makes you happy.  God plants those aspirations on our hearts for a reason.  Whether to teach us something about ourselves or about others.  Much love and many blesdings.

Conquering...

I am sitting here tonight with so much on my mind.  It hasn't exactly been the best of the last couple of days.  Fighting allergies, asthma, and, once again, the ever so present arthritis flare that comes with all of it.  However, I can't help but think about how lucky I am.  Yes, some days are so hard.  As a dear friend reminded me earlier, it is so hard to be who everyone expects you to be when you are struggling with pain, disease, and the defeat that comes with it all.  Despite all that, I have learned that during these moments, it is important to remember the positives in my life.  There are so many blessings.  My family is my greatest blessing.  A husband who not only makes me feel special, but shows me everyday how much I am loved.  Children who understand that mom is not like all the other moms, but offers them something many moms can't.  A view through the eyes of a woman who has suffered and continues to fight on and survive it all with style, grace, and a continued faith in God.  Friends who are my family and care for me and my loved ones as if we were all from the same family tree.  

These are the things I focus on when times are hard.  Through these thoughts, it is where I hear Gods voice telling me to keep fighting.  To ignore the people who have told me I can't do it.  It is my success that will be the lasting image that shows them how wrong they were.  To prove to the ones who have called me self absorbed or questioned my actions that others can be inspired and lifted up, instead of ridiculed and judged poorly.  Life has taught me so many valuable lessons.  Lessons some will not have the privilege of ever learning.  I am sad for them, really.  These are lessons that a person passes on long after they are gone.  In these thoughtful moments, it is where I take a deep breath, pick myself up, and find my energy to keep on going.  It's not always easy.  In fact, it's always extremely hard.  Yet, I do it.  I keep God as my copilot and together we conquer the day.  When it's over, I am sore, tired, and can barley move...but my heart and soul are happy and proud of what I accomplished.  Do I care what others see?  Yes, because I don't like looking weak.  However, I do like victory.  It is that victorious feeling that makes me want to say, "I showed you!"  Then tomorrow, I will do it all over again...until the day I can't anymore.  Much love and many blessings!